Aug 31, 2008

Contemplating the future

Here I am the first day of Ramadhan and after praying what do I do?

Mental mastur*ate my brain cells out of existence.

I was listening to the radio and heard this interesting speaker talk about the art of thinking.


He said, there's this proverb that says, Think as if you are moving, and move as if you are thinking.


I didn't get it since I was up all night doing some stuff, exactly what I am not obliged to say since this is my blog? LOL I just hope I don't forget what it was. It had something to do with mobile phone online booking.

Yea so bottom line is the man said that if you don't think right and move right you are wasting God's gift to you which is your brains. Unfortunately people don't use their brains to the full capacity.

Hence the road rage bullies, idiotic ex lovers and the invention of taxes :) Okay I was just kidding about the taxes part but you do get my drift?

It got me thinking some more about what'll happen when I die? (See I do put my brain cells to good use- I think!)

I am on an mortality awareness ropes course that knows no end. God help me!

This stemmed from a previous conversation that I had with my beloved MMS (there is a hint of sarcasm as I say this, note that this is going to get ugly) LOL


So there I was on one of our infamous road trips from Bukit Jalil to Putramas as usual the tennis match of How are you? I'm fine. Wallahi I miss you. Yea me too. Why didn't you call? As if you call me often. I've been busy. [me saying to myself: Yea well tough. I got things to do and I still find 5 seconds of my life for you.] routine check ups that would put nurses in the Queens hospital to shame :)

Back to the mortality thingy. So, I was flexing my brains when I suddenly said that in the event that my spouse dies before me I will not remarry. Not wanting to take the risk of having an abusive step father for them. Ew!~

The notion brought me to tears. Well secretly I was crying. What mother in the right world would want to succumb her kids to such a situation. Unless it was John Legend tho well..he....uhm nevermind... :P (Sorry Chrissy Teigen!)


~Heart melts~

Then if the tables were turned and then it would happen on his side well he said it would be only logical to remarry because he would be busy at work and no one would take care of our kids. WHATEVER...........What if the lady was like Malowhowhatsit...the devil woman from Sleeping Beauty. Or better yet that evil scumbag from Cinderella that makes her stepdaughter scrub the floors and do all the housework while her fatness and daughters laze around making their ugly faces uglier. Observe exhibit B and C.



Well if something funny like that happened (and I say this with a cynical sense) were to happen I would bring out the guns and turn into this monster.


Madam Medusa herself. Well rather a mutated version of her. She isn't exactly a sight for sore eyes but she dose the job in the spook out department. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.

I WILL KILL YOU MY PRETTY! warrrrrrrrrrrrghhh..........

But then again there's a small chance that my kids would get a good stepmother once I'm in the obituaries. Sourcing for the better also. When my husband decides to marry, if he does, I'm not okay with it but well, he has his needs and I am not saying that he is wrong for wanting it. Besides love is unconditional. It's all a part of Qada' and Qadar. I just surrender.

It is kind of sad to even think about it, not like I'm asking for it but you know one can never be so sure. There are a lot of things that has made me start "THINKING" Alhamdulillah.

I'm glad that I realize that my time here is limited. Anytime God can take my soul. At least I have the comfort that He will care for them after I'm gone.

My sister in crime or rather bestie Pam said that she will watch out for them from time to time. And I made my niece Shary promised me that if anything were to happen that she'd care for them as well.


Blessed being that I am.

Aug 29, 2008

Fell in love with a rat

The past couple of days Fi and I have this habit of staying up late and sleeping during the day.

I think it has caused our bodies somewhat of a trauma one way or another.

My assumption to her recent need for wanting a pet scorpion.

She said she wants to get a scorpling. In my mind with the added +ling at the end it would be somewhat cuddly and adorable. I can just see my face grow into the size of Manhattan and my mouth regurgitating a bubble party!

In the attempt of retaining my sanity I went googling for cute scorpion pictures and found this adorable one...

Then I went to the owner of the picture and found a treasure chest of funny side splitting cartoons drawn by her.

Oh my God!!!

I am extremely impressed with her blog.

Go and check her out! She's in my blog roll under Tail o'the Rat.


Arfah binti Arif's eulogy

At the death of my beloved mother, I've been looking for a way to have proper closure. I also wanted a way for my future people (husband and children) to know who she was.

It's not in habit that Muslims have eulogies, but I'm writing this so that people know what a great person she was.

I don't want to entertain thoughts about how she died anymore.

I want to share with you on how she lived.

Dedicated wife, mother, sister, and friend.

I can say that I am what I am because of her. I was allowed to live a free life. Liberated from the norms of the society that was Kota Kinabalu. I spoke my mind at times paying the price, but at the end it is a fruitful endeavour.

My body is overly nourished to a fault. She said that she did not want a small weakling as a baby. Hence the frame. I am left with a beautiful reminder of how I should treat my body as a temple.

Knowledge was a key strength as she said. Education was my passport to anything and everything I desired. The world is my oyster. The impact has left me wanting to educate the world for the better. An original thought is in creation.

Emotions should be felt wholeheartedly. The heart has the ability to build or break a person. But she empowered me to know that I am the master of my heart.

Don't be afraid to love. Not all men are a*sholes. Marriage is a gamble that is worth taking a risk. This has taught me that a meaningful life is one that is shared with someone special.

God. There is no God but He. Growing up she would make it a point for me to memorise the important surahs from Quran Al Karim. My cup runneth over.

This is my mother's eulogy. And I am her legacy.

Aug 28, 2008

Like A Star

I can't help but feel hopelessly romantic when I listen to this song.

Felt a tear roll down my cheek the first time I heard it. Dear God when I listen to this song, I just know that there is love out there for me. *AMIN*

So it took me quite some time to watch 27 dresses (where I got to know the song in the first place). I planned to watch it with my friends but well, it didn't happen.

Then a couple of months later I was fortunate enough to find the VCD. Please don't ask me where I got it from. :P

Back to the song...

The lyrics are so simple and yet meaningful.

The sweetest thing that would happen to me would be to be proposed on a boat, underneath the moonlight, with this song in the background.

Oh sweet heart never known such LOVE! coming soon lol

Corinne Bailey Rae Lyrics
Like A Star Lyrics

Aug 27, 2008

O woe is me: defacation from my brain

The above title was inspired by the non other gruesome Ariff Maximus when exactly a couple of minutes ago he sent me a link to his catchy and yet disgustingly titled blog (yes Ariff I shall add you in my blog roll never the less).

So here I was all ready to read my compadre's blog when I noticed that there was a mugshot of him with snot coming out of his nose(Very attractive).

Then why do you ask I bother writing a post about it? What else?! Misery loves company.

Today is my good friend Erin's birthday. All that I have left of her is her bag full of books. I wonder what's hidden in that treasure chest of hers. I might just be busy body enough today and pry into her belongings. Since I have nothing else better to do at this phase of my life.

You see I have been bumming arond for the last year, figuring out what to do with myself. Just recharging before I go back into that rat race aka the cruel world.

I'm glad that I have made enough money from the trainings and saved up during my studying days to have the license to lepak (bum around).

My brain however is starting to reject this habit. So used to having mental stimulation that after the year off from anything it has started to take a toll on me. I've been neglecting myself and it's not funny anymore.

Anyways I vow to do something about some stuff in my life. Till then I shall forever remain ambiguous about it...LOL

Woot woot for now.

And then the beetle cried...

icednyior: whats mourning?
icednyior: kubang?
Ari Legend: berkubang
Ari Legend: kabung
Ari Legend: *bleep*
Ari Legend: lol
Ari Legend: berkabung
icednyior: hahahaha
Ari Legend: what the *bleep* is kubang
Ari Legend: a mourning beetle
Ari Legend: LAFFS
icednyior: i forgot the word la
icednyior: dei
icednyior: LAFFS
Ari Legend: i mean aku pun terikut bah (roughly translated: I got into the kubang thing too)
Ari Legend: ROFL.
Ari Legend: berkubang konon
Ari Legend: lol
Ari Legend: i want to post this lol
Ari Legend: its funny
icednyior: LAFFS
icednyior: i oredi saved it in my drafts
Ari Legend: ROFL!

Aug 26, 2008

There I said it.

I've got this urge to write again. It's 6:38 am and a couple of minutes from now I'm expecting Pam to be saying "Have you been up all night Nong?" Like clock work I would smile and say no I just woke up from my nap(fingers crossed at the back). A 5 minute one.

Is there a possibility that somewhere inside me resides a great book that is waiting to be written? I pray to God there is. Retracing back time where I would have those exercise books and pens on my bed and my late mother would always get worried that I would stab myself one day, I believe there is a book, nay, books waiting to be written. I just don't have the motivation to do it.

I find no motivation to do anything but lie on my mattress sprawled on the floor, playing catan, updating my blog, looking for part time jobs whilst I figure out my direction in life.

I'm a big dreamer and usually have the ability to materialize my dreams. I just lost the zest after my mother passed away. People might think well, it's time to move on. One thing I have learnt when tending to someone's wounds, don't say something will be alright when you yourself have never gone through the grief.

I guess I need to talk about it. Write about it. One last time, to really deal with it.

I remember that day like no other. I was at work in Terengganu and it was around 7pm at night when I heard the news. Through sms because the reception was very poor. It felt like a ton of bricks fell on my body and someone just ripped my heart out of its cavaties and left me to bleed. And this wasn't even an ounce of the pain I was feeling.

My good friend in the universe Bryan and Sargent Roslan drove me back to Kuala Lumpur where I was to catch a flight back to Kota Kinabalu. Grief stricken, I remembered closing my eyes, but my heart was bleeding and my tears were streaming down my face.

On the way my former boss Hafiz (God bless his soul) offered his condolences. I was all ears because I knew he lost his mother too. I believed that if anyone were to offer me condolences and would understand my pain, it would be Hafiz.

As we reached KLIA, I dreaded having to see my nieces, cousin and aunt. I didn't want to be reminded of her death. At that point, I just wanted to go back to KK, pay my respects, and get it over and done with. But fate has it that my eyes would remain bloodshot red for the remainder of the trip.

When I reached home, the mood was sombre. The look on my family's faces say it all. And some people I didn't know were looking at me with God knows what were going through their heads. A lot of things started to run through my mind at that point.

There my mother was, listless, a batik sarong covering her face. "This can't be happening." It hurt so bad that the only thing to do was to cry. She was there motionless. It was just a couple of days ago that I picked up the phone and called her.

I was telling her about the arguments I kept having with my co-workers. It was unbearable. She just told me that treat them like brothers and sisters. Whatever fights that you have, always remember the greater cause of why you are there. For the kids. For the country.

I cried, told her I loved her and hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her.

All this while I was blocking the memory of what happened. The memory of her death. Kept questioning my lethargy and my unmotivated self. My heart was tried too much and tired.

She was all I had really come to think of it. Growing up just the two of us, my other siblings out in boarding school and my father would be off on his business trips while the two of us would discover the world through Tell Me How books. I was so addicted to knowledge from then on.

The piano lessons, swimming lessons. I was well cultured by the forms of the arts. And I loved it so.

What I saw in the mirror was a freak of nature, size, height, overdosed facial hair and all my mother saw potential. She would often say how pretty I was and encouraged that I be the best in whatever I did. Sure we'd have our misunderstandings. Which mother and child wouldn't have.

We would always pull through.

Thick or thin she was there for me.

There I said it.

It's just one of them days. KREATIIV days.

My hobby is contemplating. My skill is word combinations.

My recent word is favouritize.

Favourite and prioritize. lol

Let's prioritize your favourite person in the world LOL

And officially call tomorrow or whenever you're free as your favouritize day hehe...

Who could that be?

It doesn't matter. It could be your mother, uncle, boyfriend, best friend. The most important thing is you make it that day to be spent with that particular loved one.

It doesn't have to exclusively for one person. Make it a special day for all.

Aug 25, 2008

Feel Good

I am up again lazying at home with nothing to do besides rant and complain to Pam about my uneasiness of a certain occurrence that happened recently.

Then I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on such things. It could only be a miscommunication on her behalf and a wrong perception on mine.

When I think about the things that have been going on as of lately, I should be sitting here counting my blessings and saying Alhamdulillah.

I have so much things to be thankful for. The roof over my head, the car that I drive, the true friends that I have, the health and happiness of my family and loved ones, my beautiful bf (melts)...and the ability to articulate my thoughts as I am writing this post.

Could not ask for more. But God says I should then I will :)

This reminds me of what I've learnt in the Secret.

Start counting your blessings to get into that Feel Good mood. Helps you source for better things in life.


Which reminds me I need to come up with a new list. LOL haha

Aug 24, 2008

The unknown

What are the repercussions of coffee and a sleepless night?

More blog posts from me is that what it is LOL.

Anyways this topic suddenly came to mind. The catalyst is the obvious.

Another night with mobile telecommunications. ROFL.

Why does this mind of mine often wander to UNKNOWN?

I guess it's very convenient since the person is next to you and your mind starts to think unnecessarily.

Well it's a great adventure never the less. I should count my blessings rather than mental masturbate (MM) my brains to oblivion.

Back to work!

Aug 22, 2008

Artistic burst

My mind is flirting with the idea of writing a book, song, anything that is artistically inclined.

For many years I have put this aside to focus on my studies but at the end I'm drawn back to my calling for arts.

Sometimes I wonder whether that Mass Communication Degree I took was ever worth the effort and hair loss. I'm sure a section of my lungs has lost its capacity to function due to the copious amounts of cigarettes and burning the midnight oil.

Thank you Fi for accompanying me on those nights! Love you LOL

Pam too for listening to my rants. And Luey Pin the love of my life! How can I ever forget you?

Anyways back to the post before this turns into a shout out.

I am experiencing the culmination of grand things as of now. The fortitude that I have and surrending to the Ultimate Power (GOD!) has lead me to this point.

Never have I felt so alive and free. Needless to say there are many an obstacles to run through before I get to where I want to be.

The nobel winning writer. Insyallah in due time.

The next question would be, what would I write about? that would get me to that stage?

I don't know. But I will eventually.

Signing off.


As the beautiful month of Ramadhan beckons again, it brings forth a sense of spirituality and longing to get closer to God. It's true for me at least. And at the most.

Whom else do I seek refuge but He? All Magnificent, All Hearing, and above all All Merciful.

The tidings that it brings gives me calm and a reassurance to having a brighter future for myself here and Heaven in the there after (Insyallah).

Brings me to tears thinking about the sins that I've committed, the wrongs that I have made.

This calls for only one thing. Repentance.

I've somewhat put aside my faith for awhile for my anguish of losing my mother. But when I think about it, if my late mother (God bless her soul) were to know about this, she would slap me senseless. LOL

But on a serious note, I'm so grateful for the people around me, for the love that I have and for the many blessings that He has given to me even when I have turned my back on Him. :(

One thing I can never forget is the trip to Pangkor. I cried in silence the moments after Pam handed me the earphones to her compact Ipod shuffle.

It was this song that made all that difference.

Allah Knows

When you feel all alone in this world
And there’s nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows


When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows


Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows.

I'm brought back to the melodious sounds of Zain Bhikha because it made such an impact to me. It is so beautiful and meaningful that it made me feel that Allah s.w.t was actually trying to say He's there for me.

That's when I knew I wasn't alone in the world.

And now I have so many things that I can be thankful for. Every time when I make the effort to pray (:P) my palms face the sky full of gratitude.

There is no other love besides His love.

Aug 21, 2008

What is skunk in Malay?


I was inspired to write this post because my gal pal Fiona aka the love of my life on facebook (LOL) showed me this forum containing people's comments and ideas about the subject title.

Some of their replies were

- sekank
- skank
- tikus busuk (smelly rat)
- tupai berkentut busuk (squirrel with smelly gas) <--I almost died laughing on this one.

I can relate to this headache because earlier in the week I was discussing with my cousins the translation for the word merajuk and manja.

Well we could find the english word for merajuk which is sulk but not for manja.

Manja literally translated means pamper.

But as far as I know and I'll tell you this, my hands on experience (LOL) is that manja means to be babyish and start cooing and being touchy-feely. LOL that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't know really it takes a whole page to explain what manja means.

I hope those out there can give me 2-3 words max to describe it. LOL

I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

Or could it be that skunk stench? LOL

Till then

I seem to be doing a lot of LOLing...erk

What have you done for me lately?

Janet Jackson was spot on when she wrote this song.

The tune has been repeatedly playing in my head for days now. I know that my inner self is infuriated at the fact that I have been putting myself last. ALWAYS~! this has been my main rant.

When misfortune rises and there is an imbalance in the internal system it is convenient to blame external forces for it's cause.

Well apparently that's not the case or rather, the way to solve one's own inner turmoil.

When I am blue or angered or frustrated, straight to the point negative, I've learnt that the solver to this issue is within myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm a great mediator between my positive and negative side.

Basically now what I am facing is feeling neglected and unloved. LOL

The truth of the matter is I've been blaming a particular someone for the upheaval of my positive fairy. To make matters worst I do not communicate my unhappiness. *chuckles*

I feel silly now that I have realized this and want to make amends by pampering myself with loads of affection and good old fashioned tlc (tender loving care).

Whatever it is, it's a struggling process but I am definite I will win it at the end.

Note to self. Only seek advice from those who have working relationships. LOL

Another mental note. Do not wish others to do to you what you do not do for others. LOL

That includes yourself!

Aug 20, 2008

Recent discoveries

What matters most, is your heart. Not theirs, not his, not hers, but yours. How often do I do this? put someone else's feelings before my own. OFTEN.

I am guilty of the crime of heart negligence. My personal tragedy. And I'm sure many out there as well suffer more or less the same plight. I am victim of bullies (bosses, clients, whomever) who are out to squeeze the very little happiness I have left. Or is that just my survival mechanism talking?

The truth of it lies in the ability to realize that whatever happens, you are the person in charge of your own happiness. Therefore, if trouble arises and there are shortcomings, it is not wise to dwell in the gaol of emotional doom.

But it is an addiction, isn't it?

I question the very authority that rules this which is my heart. I find stupidity and emotions alike come hand in hand. But how can love be stupid? it is an emotion too. It is limitless in size and most potent in deed. I find that, the true force of emotions when combined with rationality gives way to ultimate glory. In other words, when you give it your all. 100%.

Things cannot be experienced fully without being honest with yourself. So honesty would be a great addition to the equation. ;)

Here are some love affirmations (self-love and love for others).

* I am a radiant being filled with light and love.
* I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
* I now express love to all those I meet.
* I am a radiating center of divine love.
* Divine love is working through me now.
* I bathe in the unconditional love of my Creator
* Love radiates from me at all times.
* I love myself completely.
* Love comes to me easily and effortlessly.
* I give and receive love easily and joyfully.
* Others love me easily and joyfully.
* I now feel loved and appreciated by my parents, my friends.
* I express love freely
* As I give love, I am instantly supplied with more.
* I radiate love to all persons and places and things.
* People are just waiting to love me, and I allow them.
* I breathe in universal love.
* I attract loving, beautiful people into my life.
* I always deserve love.
* I am attracting loving relationships into my life.
* I project love to everyone I meet.
* I love and approve of myself.

I find all this priceless treasures that lights the way for the journey to personal fulfillment. Treasures for that I should and will hold personal and dear. For no one else......... could ever take MY place in the world.


Aug 18, 2008


I'm starting to think that I need to create closure to all the guys I have been with, so that I can have a fresh and new one with that particular someone NOW.

Irritating as it seems, is just the tip of the iceberg. It's a roller coaster of emotions. Especially when unearthing old wounds.

Old wounds that even surgery cannot fix.

I felt a tight clench in my stomach, something stuck in my throat and heavy in my chest.

My favourite couple in the world :)

Kita akan temui belangkas di laut cetek dalam keadaan berdua-dua iaitu seekor jantan (M) dan seekor betina (P). lol

Which in english means we can find the belangkas in shallow part of the sea in pairs which is the male and female belangkas. Redundant sentence eh? LOL... anyways

It's my new nickname to my favourite couple in the world who has yet to be publicized.

Always see them together. And they are on the phone when they're not. sweet.

Dibs for bridesmaid when they get married! LOL...

Aug 17, 2008

Jiwangish mood

I have been in quite a jiwang mood as of late. Listening to the likes of Dealova, Miss Dion and other love song crooners.

I guess it's just the state that I am in.

Been thinking about how it annoys me at times that he likes to bully and tease me. God being the Great Creator that He is (Alhamdulillah) showed me the light by letting me read this quote.

A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat. Logan P. Smith

Awww...I is very touched lol

Thinking that I had much experience with matters of the heart, I realized that there is a lot more to learn.

How dull life would be without playfulness. lol It doesn't make matters easier that we are both born in the Monkey year hehe. Youthful to a fault.

When I asked him to quit teasing he would say. You know I can't do this. Initially I was very angry that I didn't get my way, but when I saw the reason behind it I guess I'm alright with it. It's just his way of getting to know whether I love him or not.. :P

Ugh! lol...

Just when I thought I had it all figured out I had to get more knowledge to confuse me.


I'll be able to digest it in due time.

Pammmmmmmmmmmmm.......! (cries for help) LOL

celtic sea salt

I went food gathering (grocery after my therapy session the other day and voila! was introduced to the world of celtic sea salt. I must admit that I was quite amazed by the price but then I bought it because I wanted to show love for myself more.

So I was thinking right, since my darling like to eat salty stuff it has been a worry to me because he would get high blood pressure by the time he's 40 and handling the likes of me, he would probably get it even *touch wood*

I read an article about it and it says to provide nutritional value and replace electrolites that the body has lost which we at times depend on 100 plus. I don't know about you but I'm not such a big fan of the drink therefore I'm happy in the world exists such a product. :)

It has much more health benefits than I have mentioned but I'm too excited to write about my next post so just read the link that I have provided you guys with ya.

Aug 15, 2008


According to the word define is a a concise explanation of the meaning of a word or phrase or symbol.

I've been struggling with this word for quite some time now.

But when my right brain (in charge of creativity) does the talking it gives new light on the word and to my world.

Whatever a word/action means is up to you to give definition to it.

My friend and mentor I would call her Thevi (she's a great hypnotherapist if you ever need the assistance don't hesitate to c-box me for her contact she says that words mean nothing.

You give meaning to the word.

She gave an example of a table. The table has meaning to it when you put plates to it hence becoming a dining table.

It reminds me of my little project that I was proud of (didn't involve any building on my behalf though) of using a coffee table and a full length mirror and turning it into a dressing table. :)

She's spot on. When one gives meaning to something it does not allow any space for evolution or creation of the new. When there is already something eg. meaning, it closes possibilities.

And these are possibilities to any area of your life.

Let's dig in deeper to this and give something which I believe is much closer to home to everyone and seriously something that we all deeply yearn and crave for.


Do you notice at times how you put certain meanings to the word? For instance, love is when you get flowers, or love is when you give it time to grow. I'm not saying that what I just said isn't love. But rather, narrowing your chances of seeing other possibilites of how love can be. You can get food on your plate that's provided by the person who loves you out of an ACT of love and fall in love at first sight too, right?

So? I mean at the end of the day you realize that effort is wasted in giving meaning to things that aren't actually true and by blocking that one vein that counts the most.

Your Heart. :)

You don't have to beat yourself for it. I know I have and yea it's a waste of energy and time.

I live to make a difference.

W0o0ot W0o0o0ot.... :)

Just food for thought really.

Aug 14, 2008

Nobody loves me like you do

This is for my MMS :)

I lurve you forever & ever baby............ *blush*

Here's the lyrics too

Nobody Loves Me Like You Do
Like a candle burning bright
Love is glowing in your eyes
A flame to light our way
That burns brighter everyday
Now I have you
Nobody loves me like you do

Like a leaf upon the wind
I could find no place to land
I dreamed the hours away
And wondered everyday
Do dreams come true
Nobody loves me like you do

What if I'd never met you
Where would I be right now
Funny how life just falls in place somehow
You've touched my heart in places
That I never even knew
Nobody loves me like you do

I was words without a tune
I was a song still unsung
A poem with no rhyme
A dancer out of time
But now there's you
And nobody loves me like you do

What if I'd never met you
Where would I be right now
Funny how life just falls in place somehow
You've touched my heart in places
That I never even knew
Nobody loves me
Nobody loves me
Nobody loves me like you do
Nobody loves me like you do

Aug 11, 2008

Mak Aihhhhhhhhhh...

My girl Pam showed me this article about this spinster who lives in a chicken coop.


My hopes are still high about being with my one and true love. But this article is not helping.


Poor spinster lives in a chicken coop
By : M. Hamzah Jamaludin

KUALA LIPIS: Poverty has forced a senior citizen in Desa Jeram Batu, near here, to live in a chicken coop.

These pet tortoises are among the few luxuries that Shamsiah Samat can afford to have in her life.
These pet tortoises are among the few luxuries that Shamsiah Samat can afford to have in her life.
Shamsiah Samat, 57, has been living with dozens of chickens and geese for four years. She rears them to make extra money.

"I used to stay with relatives, but I moved out when they asked me to pay rent."

Before that, she had lived in a squatter house near the Pahang Club House.

Built by her late father, it had collapsed eight years ago.
"Before that, my family lived in a rakit house (boat house) but it was swept away during the floods in 1971."

She said her father had tried to apply for state land but was not successful. He died at the age of 98 in 1993.

Shamsiah, who is a spinster, said she was told that she was not entitled to apply for a house under the hard core poor housing programme because she was not a single mother.

"They said I must own a piece of land before I can get the cash aid to build a house."

Shamsiah who is entitled to RM100 in monthly aid from the Welfare Department claimed that, sometimes, she did not receive the money.

"I rent this chicken coop for RM50 a month but there are times when the owner does not ask for the rent."

Shamsiah leaves her home at 7am every day to go to work in a grocery store and returns around 7pm.

"I have no choice but to walk to the town every day because I only get paid RM13 daily," she said, adding that her wish was to own a proper house before she dies.

A very colourful article that can brighten anyone's day......LOL

Kill me now!


I am so in love with this song.

I source someone loves me this way..... *source source source*


Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah
Dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu
Yang mungkin bisa kau rindu

Kerana langkah merapuh
Tanpa dirimu
Kerana hati telah letih

Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu
Yang selalu bisa kau sentuh
Aku ingin kau tahu bahawa aku
Selalu memujamu

Tanpamu sepinya waktu
Merantai hati
Bayangmu seakan-akan

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yang
Memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada


Hanya dirimu
Yang bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu
Aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi
Dan sepi

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yang
Memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yang
Memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada

Selalu ada
Kau selalu ada
Selalu ada
Kau selalu ada

Aug 10, 2008

There is light at the end of the tunnel

I suddenly have writer's diarrhea. Or rather, a burst of inspiration if you like it.

Been facing a hell lot of turmoil as of lately now I need to figure out a way to remove this negative hoo-haa from my life.

It all starts from me.

I've been contemplating a lot lately. My friends say I think too much.

I am entitled to brain activity.

At times I think that I might be deluded that the whole thing is love. It could just be me being overly excited.

I need to start paying attention to myself.

One good thing that I learnt being in a relationship though is that I feel my confidence boost.

It's not the fact of being with someone really although it did make a difference, it's just the fact that when you put an effort to speaking up, things happen.

And getting used to the notion of always speaking up makes me happy I get shi* off my chest and I'm fine and dandy the next day.


Saying I Love You

Some people say when you say I love you too much it diminishes the meaning.

I say that you cannot say it enough in a day to the one you truly love.

When you think about it, is your time really yours? do you have total control over your own soul?


Just one thing. Can you live with yourself knowing that the one last word you said to your loved one was goodbye? and that was the last moment you had with each other.

Well I want the mushy and I damn well want it!


I think the song I posted best describes it.


Aug 4, 2008

Between Heaven and Hell

I have never been in a position that could either make me or break me.

It's literally heart wrenching and sweet. Two contradictions in the hand of that one person.

My mind goes crazy thinking about what the outcome will be.

Currently I am preparing myself for the best or for the worst. Given my survival instincts I choose to think the negative.

It keeps me safe.

But regardless of the outcome, I will stick by my principle of having the best person for me.

Years I have wasted my life giving bits of my heart to suitors that were either out to use me or me use them... But it was always the former.

It's sick and pathetic because now it made me wallow in self pity. Up till now I have bouts of negative emotional outbursts because of my past failed relationships.

Right now I'm in a relationship which I am giving my all to.

It makes me realize how love really is. Unconditional love, sincerity and acceptance.

My friend Lorin says I fall in love every single day. But those times were falling in love with the concept of love, not because of the person.

After meeting him all the love and heartbreak songs make sense. It's just not listening to songs anymore. And you don't have to understand it with your mind, just your heart.

There has never been a pain as sweet then to be in heaven and hell, where your place is destined by the one you love.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.