Making mistakes

I think making mistakes is God’s way of keeping me humble, of keeping everyone humble. God knows that I have been riding the holier than thou boat. That boat has sunk. I’m grieving beyond words. I’ve always blamed my ex for the relationship not working. Not that I’ve broken up with a new one, he somehow blames me (although not totally) for the relationship not working. Now karma has bit me on my butt real hard. Ouch! >.<

Well I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that I’m not very proud of. Some are too personal too mention. I guess when these things happen it keeps me in perspective that people do make mistakes. I realize I can be quite unmerciful when it comes to others wrongdoings.

Silver lining is I’ve reached a whole new level of compassion. How ironic that the ugly events had to happen for me to learn this lesson. It’s kind of like some form of compensation. And when they said to not be so quick to judge they weren’t kidding. My friend Donald said to me, that we’re no better than anyone else.

I remembered me being on the way to see Fi at Al-Safa, praying to God to never leave me out of His sight even for an instant, because I know the wrong I’m capable of doing if He does not grace me with His love. Again I am praying to Him, to please grace Him with His love. I am grateful that He has made me see the error of my ways and not continue doing the wrong, and that I catch myself.

My other friend Fred (yes I have a lot of guy friends) said that we should only look up to compare oneself to our ideal, kind of like someone to look up to. Admittedly, I have a self destructive tendency and make it an insecurity complex rather than something I enjoy striving towards becoming.

There’s also the fact that people say that look at people not as fortunate as you because it’s going to make you feel grateful with the life that you lead. The flipside is that at times I can get arrogant with success. It’s really a juggle between good and evil. I learnt about the law of attraction. These kind of thoughts manifest like a b*tch, when you think about it, no energy should be spent on thinking thoughts that will not serve you, take it from me, Rhonda Byrne knows what she’s talking about. Even in some religious principles, like karma for instance, when you put out negative energy, you get back negative energy, even in my religion, Islam, we’re taught that 40 times you think about that one particular thing it becomes the truth.

What I got from it all was a higher understanding of forgiveness and compassion and a revision on law of attraction, not bad in one day.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Thank u b1..

Expectations and Communication.

If they say that assumption is the root of all screw ups then I would definitely say that expectations is the root to all that collapses.

If one is familiar with the world of statistics and sociology, there is a huge population that contains different probabilities with different social influences. I could be a Malay girl who was raised to believe that if someone loves me it meant that he would respect my body, respect my religion and be the one who was the leader in the family and if I was dating a white dude who expected to have equal rights and that no nookie meant that I was not attractive enough for her then imagine what this would do?

Somewhere along the lines of relationships and love this happened for me. Both parties coming from EXPECTING without communicating to the other person to have them understand what it meant to be physically unfit to the extent of not being aware of what was going on.

I guess when I think about it, expectation and assumptions come hand in hand and they belong in the same relationship collapsing family. It's as simple as that. Expectations can lead to false interpretation of the information, for instance, hearing what one wants to hear instead of what is being said, because in your mind you're already expecting them to say something but in actual fact they are conveying something different. There is also a different type of expectation where you expect the person to say something, but you feel failed, rejected and dejected when the other says the total opposite. Therefore the point that should be made here is to listen intently and be the master of your own emotions. The only possible break in habit is to practice a new one.

But it's not that people should be doomed with it. There is plausible change. But in order to have it take place, effective communication needs to take place. :) and again I stress that this need to be a habit :P

Yapping can happen but if it's not with purpose it need not be executed. Communicating effectively also means that the other person gets what the conveyor is saying. Vice versa. Hence subtracting breakdown from the equation. In my opinion, inevitably both parties should agree to disagree. There will always be times where two points differ, it doesn't mean when it doesn't meet that one should send in the divorce papers, there is a choice of seeing it in the light where one appreciates the other party with their own uniqueness. Furthermore, isn't it great that you have a collection of opinions? does that not contribute in the richness of life? I'm not saying to forget your own, it's just to add variety on handling/thinking of a certain issue/event/etc.

Just points to ponder.

My current heart song

Four in the Morning


Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Thoughts of the forever thinking thinker...

If I could sum up today's experience in 3 sentences it would be...

Love lifts us up where we belong.

The experience was like daggers through the heart.

There is always a silver lining behind every dark cloud.

Something to think about?

I feel like vomitting when I see that I haven't updated my blog for exactly a month I think lol

Well, I have no excuse except for lack of discipline and been busy doing nothing..

There has been a lot of things that have happened in my life as of recently. I don't know where to begin. One thing that I have learnt though is the power of creation. Yes really the power of creation. I don't mean to sound like all hoo-haa with all that ALL SUPREME BEING JAZZ but it's just as we as human being have the capacity to create.

Here is an example of how one can create. When you have a bad mood, and you come into contact with another person, let's say your boyfriend. :P (Humour me)

Well you carry with you the irritance and annoyance therefore your communication becomes such, of irritance and annoyance and the man starts to think what the hell is wrong with you or maybe he thinks he bought you the wrong type of tampon or pain killer to ease your PMS needs. (Not that you were having it at the time but you know, those mood swings that resemble PMSing)

He then becomes irritated and annoyed at how you are behaving therefore resulting in a ripple effect. Pity the soul who gets the end of that bargain but there you have it, creating irritance and annoyance.

On the flipside if all you had in your thoughts were love and abundance and joy, guess what happens? You do the math :) Not only you get plenty of hugs and shows of affection you also get
whatever it is you get :) but I promise you it would be of loving and tenderness of gesture :)

Make sure though that some of that tenderness and love come to you first before you go out in the open showering the world with love. Start from you first.

So I ask you now, what are you committed to create for yourself? What is it that you want to put in to your life and the people around you? :)

It's entirely up to you.