Aug 4, 2008

Between Heaven and Hell

I have never been in a position that could either make me or break me.

It's literally heart wrenching and sweet. Two contradictions in the hand of that one person.

My mind goes crazy thinking about what the outcome will be.

Currently I am preparing myself for the best or for the worst. Given my survival instincts I choose to think the negative.

It keeps me safe.

But regardless of the outcome, I will stick by my principle of having the best person for me.

Years I have wasted my life giving bits of my heart to suitors that were either out to use me or me use them... But it was always the former.

It's sick and pathetic because now it made me wallow in self pity. Up till now I have bouts of negative emotional outbursts because of my past failed relationships.

Right now I'm in a relationship which I am giving my all to.

It makes me realize how love really is. Unconditional love, sincerity and acceptance.

My friend Lorin says I fall in love every single day. But those times were falling in love with the concept of love, not because of the person.

After meeting him all the love and heartbreak songs make sense. It's just not listening to songs anymore. And you don't have to understand it with your mind, just your heart.

There has never been a pain as sweet then to be in heaven and hell, where your place is destined by the one you love.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.