Oct 8, 2009

Out with the old and In with the NEW!

This has been my campaign slogan for the last couple of weeks. Actually it has been around for awhile but it only surfaced when I was in dire need of something different to happen to my life. Thus...


I never knew I had so much junk! Holy crap! and as I was unearthing the relics (not to mention the amount of amazonian dust bunnies that were hidden under the cupboards) I finally opened my eyes to the pig sty that was my home.

No wonder my life as I see it is in such a mess.

A couple of days earlier my communication was slurred, I felt an invisible hump from the low self esteem I was experiencing from my break up (Yethhhhhhh Master.....*drags leg*) and the dust that was everywhere.

As I began getting rid of the items that I did not need (excess), I felt as if there was a burden that was lifted from my shoulder.

Actually I have been told this a long time ago. But due to my carefree ways I did not heed the fair advice of my friend Sharifah Mezwari and instead took the same ol loop of destruction.

Now when I have started cleaning my house, giving away stuff that I did not need, I noticed my mind became clearer, and I was starting to become very certain of who I was, my identity. I used to be conscious about who I was as a person, how people perceived me and all that jazz. And at this point of epiphany recently a friend of mine said to me "How come you're so loud?" And I just snapped and said "This is me. Take it or leave it."

Who knew that getting rid of old stuff would lead to getting rid of bad habits too?

And I noticed as I progressed a lot of things that I have wanted are starting to take place.

My mind is becoming clearer and finally my path is too.

At any cost, this shall be part of my routine until I die...and one thing I've learnt is, nothing better to kick depression to the curb than good old housekeeping.

Clean environment equals to clear mind and sound body and soul.

So the next time you want some adventure, start by doing something different with your space.

You never know what new treasures in the form of people and things await you! :)

Oct 7, 2009

...to my dearest...

Every step I take to where I want to go
Your hands are becoming clearer
As I draw breath your scent comes nearer
I've been on this road and I don't want to fall

But just thinking this I miss you
And every night, in my dreams I kiss you
Eventhough there is no promise that you'll be mine
I just unconditionally love you

Being without you is torture
But fate has it that I can't say this
My friends say I deserve more than this
But there is no more in perfection

Seeing you brings life back to me
If only you knew
Even in this distance all I can do is
Pray that you are well, happy and always loved..


It’s been the most excruciating 3 months of my life.

I never knew unrequited love would hurt this bad, especially when the one you love loves someone else.

It is not only emotional torture it also has caused me physical pain. Those who have experienced this should probably know the inability to breathe, the knot in your
stomach and the pain in your chest and heart. Sometimes it can also cause migraines.

It can also be plainly paralyzing. But then that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

It still feels like there is a gaping hole in my soul.

I’ve finally accepted the fact that maybe it is just not meant to be.

As much as it burns me from the inside I have finally decided to let go.

As much as he is the world to me, his happiness comes first, even though it compromises my own.

I used to mock myself for feeling this kind of love for him. Now I just let it be. I let the love fill me with every ounce of my being.

Someone very important to me told me today, true love just feels right. You will know when you look at the person that you feel comfortable and
This is the only thing that feels right, right about now.

Will I ever fall in love again?
Who knows.
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. As long as I have the love for him inside my heart it is unfair for me to let someone else in.

If I am to love again, it is a MUST to give the next person all of me, and all that I am.

I didn’t write this post with the intention to undermine him and blame him for what has happened and make me look like the better person. I know somehow there must be something that I did that caused the relationship to deteriorate and DIE.

My love didn’t die with it.

My sarcastic self says that my love for him sounds like a Hindustani tragedy. Maybe it is.

I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho the other day. The gist of it is that one should seize the day because that day/love might not come again tomorrow.

I’ve learned the hard way about being rigorous in love. The movie taught me this. I pray to God I don’t make this mistake again.

Grateful I am that I learnt to appreciate living each day as if it was your last.

When I see my family and friends I take for granted that they will always be there for me.

Now I realized that I, we, we all live on borrowed time and at any point of time I could drop dead and not say the words I wanted to say to my family and friends.

Probably what I’m saying is dramatically morbid.

But really, do you have a say on when you are going to die?

And when you are on your death bed, what are people going to say about you? What kind of legacy have you left the world?

Most importantly, have you confessed your love?

It’s these kinds of things that keep me grounded.

Signing off to another day…
Happy living people.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.