May 18, 2009

Expectations and Communication.

If they say that assumption is the root of all screw ups then I would definitely say that expectations is the root to all that collapses.

If one is familiar with the world of statistics and sociology, there is a huge population that contains different probabilities with different social influences. I could be a Malay girl who was raised to believe that if someone loves me it meant that he would respect my body, respect my religion and be the one who was the leader in the family and if I was dating a white dude who expected to have equal rights and that no nookie meant that I was not attractive enough for her then imagine what this would do?

Somewhere along the lines of relationships and love this happened for me. Both parties coming from EXPECTING without communicating to the other person to have them understand what it meant to be physically unfit to the extent of not being aware of what was going on.

I guess when I think about it, expectation and assumptions come hand in hand and they belong in the same relationship collapsing family. It's as simple as that. Expectations can lead to false interpretation of the information, for instance, hearing what one wants to hear instead of what is being said, because in your mind you're already expecting them to say something but in actual fact they are conveying something different. There is also a different type of expectation where you expect the person to say something, but you feel failed, rejected and dejected when the other says the total opposite. Therefore the point that should be made here is to listen intently and be the master of your own emotions. The only possible break in habit is to practice a new one.

But it's not that people should be doomed with it. There is plausible change. But in order to have it take place, effective communication needs to take place. :) and again I stress that this need to be a habit :P

Yapping can happen but if it's not with purpose it need not be executed. Communicating effectively also means that the other person gets what the conveyor is saying. Vice versa. Hence subtracting breakdown from the equation. In my opinion, inevitably both parties should agree to disagree. There will always be times where two points differ, it doesn't mean when it doesn't meet that one should send in the divorce papers, there is a choice of seeing it in the light where one appreciates the other party with their own uniqueness. Furthermore, isn't it great that you have a collection of opinions? does that not contribute in the richness of life? I'm not saying to forget your own, it's just to add variety on handling/thinking of a certain issue/event/etc.

Just points to ponder.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.