Oct 29, 2008

Me, myself and I

I was going through a lot of heavy, negative and nagging emotions earlier, thinking about the things that has happened to me, being troubled by my past. What is the past anyways but just a collection of memories? I mean, it is after all up to me on how I want to take it. Life is too short to be dwelling in the past, right? And yet there was still a deep sense of hurt in me. I then found the root of the cause. Self hate.

Therefore, on my journey of self discovery I wanted to find the core value that was crucial in living in this day and age, having a balance of the material as well as the meta physical or in laymen's terms, spiritual level. Been feeling empty and seeking for outward approval and satisfaction as opposed to being ok with being me.

I've always had the tendency to spoil myself. That wasn't a problem. But the spoiling wasn't balanced and it lead to being a chronic shopaholic ending up with stuff which I don't really need. It became a destructive process rather than a process of growth. I'm grateful that I am aware of this, yet again being too focused on the outer as opposed to having inner peace.

Hence at times I noticed I attract negative events into my life because I am not being positive to me. Therefore my life's journey shall include the zest of being my own best friend.

It's just changing the way I talk to myself. I've made this realization ages ago but I think now is the best time as any. Words of encouragement and compassion shall replace the critical and condemning. There's this interesting article that talks just about How To Be Your Very Own Best Friend and it says to talk to yourself like you would to your child.

Be your own parent. Nourishing, understanding and loving. Obviously you would want to be anything but loving to your child. Some of you might be thinking, yea but it's a harsh, cruel world out there but don't you think it's about time that you made that change? People will sense the kind of respect and love you have for yourself therefore they will show you the same kind of respect and love you show to yourself.

Ever heard of Do to others as you would do to yourself. But how are you going to treat people with respect and love if you don't even show it to YOU?

Noticed how horrible it feels to be criticized for a mistake that you've made and compare that feeling with someone who would approach you in a compassionate and loving manner?

Makes a hell lot of difference, yes?

So what I make mistakes, you make mistakes, everyone else makes mistakes! From mistakes you learn. Your own pace and your own time.


You are the most important person in the world to you.

Not any amount of money, gold, people can satisfy that until you take the horse by the reigns and have a solid relationship with yours truly.

With rigour in applying this concept, you will notice a great difference in how you feel, your health, your mental state and how the world will respond to you.

But this concept shouldn't be just intellectualized, you should sincerely feel compassion and love towards yourself. How you go about it? It's up to you really. Whatever works that makes you feel loved will be fine. Start the beautiful process by providing your senses (touch, hearing, seeing) with all the positivity in the WORLD! :)

If you're wondering what special treat will you give yourself. This would be it.

I've been living 28 years of my life (and counting!) and I am very appreciative and grateful that I came across this thought yet again! :)

So the next time, instead of saying to yourself "Idiot, you f*cked up again!!!!!!" Say "Hey it's alright we'll do it 100 times better next time! Wo0o0o0ot!!"

May this make a change in your lives for the better!

Till the next posting.

Much love and abundance to your way....

Oct 28, 2008

Mental block

Been reading a couple of stuff to set off my writing but I feel that my modjo has yet again been taken away from me.

I used to thrive under pressure, now when it's emotionally connected to me I seem to be paralyzed with fear. Fear of not being able to live up, fear of not being able to do the things that I set out to doing. What a twist in the turns of fate!

My friend suggested that I write about my block. I don't think my self inflicted confinement is helping much with my creativity.

I guess it's just God's way of making me stronger.


My soul

He's the HIGH achiever
Love believer
Anything that he says he'll do and it's already done

He's the money maker
My cheerleader
Always ensures that everything's fun

He's the conversation carrier
The motivator
My biggest critic pushing me to number 1

He's the religious speaker
The home maker
He shines so brightly than the sun

He's the compassionate listener
Leveled headed brother
The father of my unborn daugthers & sons

He's my soul.......

Oct 25, 2008


Another one of my doodles. Kinda expresses the coldness I'm feeling right now........

Sooooooooooo coldddddddddddddddddddddddd without you!!!!!!!! Lonelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


I don't even know whether that song exists.

Oct 24, 2008

Mr Dookie

When things couldn't get worst, it got better!

I just found a hidden talent of mine which was doodling. LOL Who would've known that I could doodle draw? LOL

It's not perfect but it does help me express myself.

Here's my first solo doodle. Since I've always been doodling with either one of my friends especially Fredo. LOL

He was initially supposed to be a caterpillar but my friend Max saw it as a dookie (booger, tahi hidung...). So hence how Mr. Dookie got his name.

I doodled this one out of me wanting to go on a holiday. Somehow or rather Mr Dookie ended up looking like a Mexican. No diss to the Mexicans. Was just the first thing I thought of. I wanted it to be somewhat of a Mexican holiday feel to it.

Maybe I should start illustrating my own characters too.

Wonders never cease out of boredom comes inspiration. His moustache is a bit off but I don't care I love Mr Dookie all the same!! :) (lack of sleep equals to emotional attachment to fictional booger characters)

God help me. I need a new character. :P

Shopping has never been cheaper!!

The whole month my friends and I have been talking about setting up booth at this place in Ampang behind Pelita. Today is that very glorious day that after years of not in business I am at it again.

Very excited at the prospects of today's escapade. Get to test my persuasive skills and harness my hidden promoting potential.

I can't wait!!

It starts at 12pm and ends at around 8pm if I'm not mistaken. I suggest that you guys come early though because items are going to finish fast.

We'll be selling tiramisu, orange cake, kek batik, brownies and clothes at 1st and 2nd hand. Some of the 2nd hand items are branded to boot at low insane prices.

And it's negotiable too :)

Come all and have fun!!

Oct 23, 2008

In my own universe

In my universe, I could travel to my heart, and hope to find that you are there, sitting quietly reading a book or listening to your favourite music, whilst reading your soccer news or drinking your milk shake, while you tease me with your playfulness.

I would run across the country, with my basket, catching fallen stars so that they could light your way, to wherever you may want to go, even if it means away from me, for your happiness means more to me than anything.

In my universe, I live in fear, of losing you. Now I know what those quotes means, because I am living it first hand. I feel like breaking away, and keeping myself safe, from the risks. But everywhere I turn, I see you. And it makes me wonder..

Do you feel the same way too?

Or do we live in the world of merapu( gibberish)? because I just lost like a lot of blood thanks to the piece of broken glass I stepped on and I think that it has somewhat caused me to be mentally Away..



Or is this universe delusional? Where I am the only one who lives here. Alone, accompanied by shadows, and fantasies of us that can never be.

Oct 21, 2008

To my bro bro

Bro bro, I haven't been talking to you as of lately, but you know you've always been there when I needed you. You never judge!

At times I do feel a bit smothered but I guess that's just how bro bros are. You care about me and you're like the blood that I get to choose.

You are always there when it matters most. When I need you, you are always like this ray of light illuminating even the darkest of hours. Your common sense and logic never fails to help me.

This is a shout out to you. In appreciation of my god brother Neil!!!

Oct 19, 2008

Be Present

Sometimes you hear only what you want to hear, not what is being said. You carry your scars from the past, letting it influence you and miss out on being here and now. Deliver yourself from nostalgia, and bring yourself to now. Live life moment to moment. Like there was no tomorrow.


Carpe Diem - Seize the Day

Oct 15, 2008

Been awhile..........

Yes well I have been MIA for quite some time now. lol It's just that my real life has been very hectic and I found no time to go online. ie. Aidilfitri, relationship fixing,

Will update you exactly what happened in detail soon.

Just thought I'd drop by with a question asked by my favourite author Paulo Coelho from his book the Valkyries.

Why do we throw away the things we love the most?

I'm lost for words of praise when it comes to this man.

Back to the question...

Why? really give a good think about it :)

Take care till then.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.