Sep 10, 2008

Break up day 1.5

I just let out a loud scream just to let my frustrations out. My neighbours probably think I lost it.

What better way to top the realization of frustrations when I noticed that I turned my jewelry box into an ashtray. At least I have a pretty ashtray.

Pam is on the phone while doing her assignments and browsing through Friendster. It has been awhile since I went into Friendster. The last time I went in there I lost most of my contacts due to my inactivity. Well I've always been a patron of fubar and facebook anyways.

Going back to break up day 1.5, I tried to soothe my hurt by listening to John Legend on Youtube. He has never failed to cheer me up. Not until now. Not mentioning the fact that he already has a girfriend. Not like I would have any chances anyways but it helps to know that your idol is single :P.

But regardless I am happy for them. I'm not exactly jumping for joy but I'm still happy nontheless.

Had my best friend Maeghan call me all the way from the states today. We were discussing on politics, saying that the states is not yet ready to have an African American president although I would love to have Obama win. And how her friend almost vacuumed Diva (Maeghan's dog) into oblivion. Don't call the SPCA just yet. It was an honest mistake. She thought it was nature's defacataion and wanted to only help.

I miss him terribly. I am so tempted to call him and ask how he is. It hurts when the reason that you had to break up was because priorities were at stake and that you still loved each other. Nothing could suck more. I am not sourcing for any more sucky things to happen this is more than enough suckiness that I can handle.

My heart is hoping that he would call. Show that he still cared. Somehow tell me that things are still okay between us. I don't know. Still have this hope that someday we would cross paths as a couple again. Things would be different by then. In my mind I'd see us as successful and rekindling lost love and all the bladiblah that you see on romantic comedies.

I'm holding back my tears as I write this. When I see the couples around me and how they love one another I can't help but want that for me and him as well. Maybe I was too pushy and demanding.

I kept questioning his love that it turned out to be like this. Probably it's God way of punishing me because I wasn't grateful with what I had.

It would help if he had some kind of deformity. I am shallow to an extent. Unfortunately in my eyes he's devastatingly handsome. Even if he did and not that I am asking for it, I would still love him. REGARDLESS.

I have this feeling that some of my readers would think that why would I waste my time loving someone who doesn't love me back? My question would be, why would I be wasting time loving someone I don't? or rather, why should I be lying to myself since this is what I am feeling?

I still love you baby. Really. Forever & ever.


THE SAD BUT HOPEFUL BOTCH

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

coming from a guy... who knows what its like to be dumped.

Have friends to talk to. It really helps.

The point is to keep your mind occupied.

Hope this works for you.

There can only be one PHYL said...

thanks anonymous

ღ~n0n0i~ღ said...

just read this entry dear~
s0rry been busy n0wadays..
hmmm......

its ok ba dear..
no matter wat it is.. its wonderful to feel l0ve kan..wp0n x dpt memiliki..huhu

WHAT I LIVE BY

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~MARIANNE WILLIAMSON~