Here I am sitting in front of my laptop, pouring out my daily woes to Trin, who appears to be angered by the influences of the Fusoon(Monsoon) of his images not appearing.
Then the age old question goes "Where art thou my one true love?"
I cringe even writing that down thinking of what people might think of me????? omg! (oh my God) true love? what a wuss! The facade of strength that hides the anger and distrust that is within me is slowly melting and revealing at its deepest, to want.............
Trin says be clear about the kind of relationship that I want. Fling? or Forever?
This dude is quite the metrosexual soothsayer. Being an audio engineer his world revolves around sound and his true love. (which led me to go to him seeking for advice in the first place)
So given his enlightening prowess, he shoots me some more questions which were at each dart, like invincible hands slapping my face waking me up to reality.
How do you present yourself?
Well. (Vagueness eludes and is safe) lol
Do you notice the kind of men you attract?
What type of men are they?
Bastards. (More vagueness, this really helps)
Do you notice a pattern?
I’m always left with a feeling of being taken advantage of.
What kind of man do you want? (My favourite question)
Bla blab la……….loving and trusting is crucial.
Again the statement comes. Fling or forever?
And there are prices to be paid for playing whichever game I choose to play.
For me to attract the kind of man that I want in my life I have to be the very same.
If I want a trusting, loving person I have to be the same.
THE SAME !!
And then the issue of distrust and hurt of men arises. Why would I feel hurt and distrust?? When it boils down to this, it becomes very confrontational to the self.
Where else in my life do I hurt and not trust myself?
I learnt that I am the source of my own heartbreak. When I choose to believe and deceive myself that its source is an external factor, I can never grow.
The opportunity to grow lies in my courage to confront myself moment to moment.