'Why is patience so important?' 'Because it makes us pay attention'.
Paulo Coelho - The witch of Portobello.
This is one thing that I think I have learned and been tested for in this Ramadhan month. There were many times I was about to blow my top, but I controlled myself. And there were many times that I did blow my top and suffered dire consequences which was my temporary break up with M. *shivers*
But the practice in patience not only acquired me the ability to do things better, it, like Coelho said, made me pay attention. With usual impulse I would just ignore the attempts of M to get back with me and possibly throw away the one that my heart beats for. What is love without trials and tribulations? and the patience to whither the storm?
Patience is a virtue and no other virtue better than this I would add.
When I am patient and I pay attention to what's really going on as opposed to what my crazy mind has conjured up, it really makes a whole lot of difference. When I am patient, I realize I listen to what is being said rather than what I want to hear. Acquiring patience is a tedious job and not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of endurance.
Another thing I've learnt about patience is that I could easily steer away from causing things to be worst than they already are. Patience somewhat gives me the 3rd person viewpoint to my situation, minus emotions, minus feelings. Mind you I'm not overlooking these things as being important nor as something that should be absent of the human makeup, but just to look at things objectively, minus my personal judgment, such that I can think of a better way of how to handle it NOW and how it can benefit all those involved.
This was a very profound experience for me. Previously, I couldn't strike a balance between the two, it was always to extremities. Either I was giving in too much to the other person or I was just sucking the other person's very existence because I wanted to be right about what I was feeling, rather than be patient and focus about what I wanted to create, and have in the long run.
You gotta be what you want? You want love. You need to be loving. You want trust? Be trusting!
From my own perspective, I see patience as an act of love. An act of kindness as well.
Benefits of patience? Rome wasn't built in a day. If the architects had no patience in drawing out a proper blueprint for us God forbid the number of buildings that would fall to pieces. *blach*
In matters of the heart, patience plays a critical role in creating love between a couple. In addition to that there's also other people in your life that you need to have patience with. Not only your loved ones. But the closest one to you. Yourself.
Did you ever catch yourself beating yourself up because you did something wrong or you thought that you could've done it better? If we took time to reflect it was actually just a learning process and that we should be PATIENT with ourselves.
And all this was because I paid attention! Full price :)
It is said in the Quran that God is with those who are patient. Thank God for that. I believe He is with me every step of the way. :)
My prayer to all that may our decisions and actions be dictated with tons of patience and perserverence to get to our end result, to materializing our dreams.
Amin.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sep 17, 2008
And on day 7 it all began.......
The whole day I was a wreck. Literally never been at my worst. I kept thinking how do I end something that is so obvious that it's not meant to? Going to KLCC was a drag. I was excited but I knew deep down inside I was literally dying. I couldn't hold back the tears when I entered Kinokuniya and saw this book, Turkey+Egypt. I forgot the main title but that was what caught my eye. I was like, damn even the books are making fun of me. Signs?!
I tried to ignore them because I was slowly losing faith. I did still love him but it was an aching pain that one suffers if you knew that you couldn't be together. Pardon me if I sound repetitive, but yea I did mention in my previous posts that we are so connected it's not even funny.
The funny thing was, we were still connected even after the break up. All through this time I just kept feeding positive feelings into what we had, the appreciation of each other, the love, I still had it. My feelings for him started to grow and grow..
My tears were my witness.
In my attempt to spiritually heal myself and do some heavy duty reflecting, I sat in silence speaking to God, begging for mercy.
One thing led to another, as my realizations unfolded and streams of tears rolled down my face I got an unexpected phone call. It was M. Actually I wasn't surprised. But in my heart I felt that throughout the whole week I felt he was looking for excuses to talk to me. I was thinking to myself he must be trying to rub it in or something or don't want to look bad in front of my friends (the drawbacks of an overactive imagination).
We spoke like old friends. Talked about our daily happenings. Our lives. I felt like hanging up because his absence and the love that I had for him overwhelmed me. We both sounded like we were choking. We were talking incessantly. I could breathe easy. It felt so right at the time and I was thinking how come we broke up?
To top it off he did the Istikharah. Which was a prayer when you are having doubts on something and he felt he should break up with me. Isn't that enough of a sign from God that we were not meant to be? And yet...
When we spoke. He said to me that there were so many things that he realized he has done wrong with me and I was shocked because the week was time I took to reflect as well. I told him that I'm glad that God is making me happy.
"Don't I make you happy?" was his reply. I didn't know how to react. My brains are fried from M withdrawals. "The problem was I was depending on you too much to make me happy. I was always blaming you when something was wrong. Demanding too much instead of appreciating what time you give to me." What's the use of wanting to be all the time with someone you don't love? compared to someone you do love? Even every moment counts, I thought to myself.
I just went on an appreciation spree. Just be thankful constantly.
The analogy of a flower would be perfect to illustrate LOVE. Like the seeds of a flower, one must sow and keep at it, loving it, nurturing it, making sure that it has enough water, sun so that it blooms gloriously. You need sh*t too sometimes so that it helps it BLOOM..LOL
That's what love is from my point of view. It takes effort. You can't expect the spark to always be there. You need to keep it burning. :)
We then continued talking about how we were keeping up with fasting I said it's alright. I really did not want to get into anything uncomfortable. What you resist persist. He asked "When are you going to break fast with me?" Okay, I thought, this is going to be awkward. Logically,I wanted to mend my broken heart and the best way was to avoid him but you know sometimes your brain doesn't seem to win in this sort of conflicts. So I said the obvious. "You tell me where and I will meet up with you."
"I want something that you make with your hands."
My heart dropped. A bit demanding are we after breaking up? But then I told my evil nafs to shut up (check out nafs-i-ammara or the commanding self, the one that I told to shut up is called Takkabur aka false pride :P).
I just let my guard down and just became truthful of my heart's wishes. So I said whenever you're free just give me a head's up.
We then started talking about religion. In my heart, again I wanted to hang up because it was too much for me to bear. I knew I still loved him and I couldn't take it. But I just accepted and be contented with what I had. Because I knew I wanted him back. So I bit my lip and continued.
Then I felt something in my heart say to just let God do His work. Being the controlling monster that I was, it was very humbling. Nothing was beyond my reach, but when I embraced the fact that some things were not within my control, I somehow felt liberated. I just had to make do and give effort and let God do the rest.
The next turn of events was somewhat of a miracle. He asked me what I was in my heart and I said that I still loved him and missed him. MY GOD! This was a first from me. I wouldn't have in my right mind do such a thing. Come to think of it what does the mind have to do with matters of the heart. :P
He coaxed me further into saying what else. And I said it wasn't important. His happiness was far more important than mine. =/
He asked what was it, and I just said I'm happy but I could be happier. I told him it would be nice to have him back but it would be selfish of me.
Then he said something which I made him repeat. Because I couldn't believe what he said. I think this song best describes what we were both going through.
I tried to ignore them because I was slowly losing faith. I did still love him but it was an aching pain that one suffers if you knew that you couldn't be together. Pardon me if I sound repetitive, but yea I did mention in my previous posts that we are so connected it's not even funny.
The funny thing was, we were still connected even after the break up. All through this time I just kept feeding positive feelings into what we had, the appreciation of each other, the love, I still had it. My feelings for him started to grow and grow..
My tears were my witness.
In my attempt to spiritually heal myself and do some heavy duty reflecting, I sat in silence speaking to God, begging for mercy.
One thing led to another, as my realizations unfolded and streams of tears rolled down my face I got an unexpected phone call. It was M. Actually I wasn't surprised. But in my heart I felt that throughout the whole week I felt he was looking for excuses to talk to me. I was thinking to myself he must be trying to rub it in or something or don't want to look bad in front of my friends (the drawbacks of an overactive imagination).
We spoke like old friends. Talked about our daily happenings. Our lives. I felt like hanging up because his absence and the love that I had for him overwhelmed me. We both sounded like we were choking. We were talking incessantly. I could breathe easy. It felt so right at the time and I was thinking how come we broke up?
To top it off he did the Istikharah. Which was a prayer when you are having doubts on something and he felt he should break up with me. Isn't that enough of a sign from God that we were not meant to be? And yet...
When we spoke. He said to me that there were so many things that he realized he has done wrong with me and I was shocked because the week was time I took to reflect as well. I told him that I'm glad that God is making me happy.
"Don't I make you happy?" was his reply. I didn't know how to react. My brains are fried from M withdrawals. "The problem was I was depending on you too much to make me happy. I was always blaming you when something was wrong. Demanding too much instead of appreciating what time you give to me." What's the use of wanting to be all the time with someone you don't love? compared to someone you do love? Even every moment counts, I thought to myself.
I just went on an appreciation spree. Just be thankful constantly.
The analogy of a flower would be perfect to illustrate LOVE. Like the seeds of a flower, one must sow and keep at it, loving it, nurturing it, making sure that it has enough water, sun so that it blooms gloriously. You need sh*t too sometimes so that it helps it BLOOM..LOL
That's what love is from my point of view. It takes effort. You can't expect the spark to always be there. You need to keep it burning. :)
We then continued talking about how we were keeping up with fasting I said it's alright. I really did not want to get into anything uncomfortable. What you resist persist. He asked "When are you going to break fast with me?" Okay, I thought, this is going to be awkward. Logically,I wanted to mend my broken heart and the best way was to avoid him but you know sometimes your brain doesn't seem to win in this sort of conflicts. So I said the obvious. "You tell me where and I will meet up with you."
"I want something that you make with your hands."
My heart dropped. A bit demanding are we after breaking up? But then I told my evil nafs to shut up (check out nafs-i-ammara or the commanding self, the one that I told to shut up is called Takkabur aka false pride :P).
I just let my guard down and just became truthful of my heart's wishes. So I said whenever you're free just give me a head's up.
We then started talking about religion. In my heart, again I wanted to hang up because it was too much for me to bear. I knew I still loved him and I couldn't take it. But I just accepted and be contented with what I had. Because I knew I wanted him back. So I bit my lip and continued.
Then I felt something in my heart say to just let God do His work. Being the controlling monster that I was, it was very humbling. Nothing was beyond my reach, but when I embraced the fact that some things were not within my control, I somehow felt liberated. I just had to make do and give effort and let God do the rest.
The next turn of events was somewhat of a miracle. He asked me what I was in my heart and I said that I still loved him and missed him. MY GOD! This was a first from me. I wouldn't have in my right mind do such a thing. Come to think of it what does the mind have to do with matters of the heart. :P
He coaxed me further into saying what else. And I said it wasn't important. His happiness was far more important than mine. =/
He asked what was it, and I just said I'm happy but I could be happier. I told him it would be nice to have him back but it would be selfish of me.
Then he said something which I made him repeat. Because I couldn't believe what he said. I think this song best describes what we were both going through.
God was really being very very very very generous.
Sep 4, 2008
My GOD BABY
Well it's pretty obvious with the title what I'm going to write about.
The first time Tabs told me she was going to have a baby I almost passed out! Oh my Lordie! Thank God I didn't keel over I would've hurt myself.
My first god baby ever.
Tabs told me that she's in her second trimester. 13 weeks and 1/2 to be exact.
I'm ecstatic and can't wait to meet him/her or rather, see pics. LOL
They're in the states you see so well unless I suddenly hit the jackpot job (sourcing) I doubt that I'll be going there anytime soon. But let's just hope I do.
I got to know Tabs through this website called fubar. An online bar to be exact. IF anyone is unfamiliar with it, it used to be called lost cherry then cherry tap? Still nothing? Nevermind.
To my defence, I used to frequent it when I was single and bored. Used to be addicted to it actually. hehe
Now that we're both busy with our own lives we barely get to talk let alone go fubaring, but when we do we have so much stuff to share! hehe...
Still I can't believe that she's having a baby!!
No people this does not entitle you to ask me when's my turn.
In good time. It will come. :) In a red lamborghini. LOL
Here are the pics.
You know I'm just kidding right? teehee.. Wish you guys all the luck in the world!! Mwuakssssssss.. I'm so happy I'm beyond words. This has made my day.
The first time Tabs told me she was going to have a baby I almost passed out! Oh my Lordie! Thank God I didn't keel over I would've hurt myself.
My first god baby ever.
Tabs told me that she's in her second trimester. 13 weeks and 1/2 to be exact.
I'm ecstatic and can't wait to meet him/her or rather, see pics. LOL
They're in the states you see so well unless I suddenly hit the jackpot job (sourcing) I doubt that I'll be going there anytime soon. But let's just hope I do.
I got to know Tabs through this website called fubar. An online bar to be exact. IF anyone is unfamiliar with it, it used to be called lost cherry then cherry tap? Still nothing? Nevermind.
To my defence, I used to frequent it when I was single and bored. Used to be addicted to it actually. hehe
Now that we're both busy with our own lives we barely get to talk let alone go fubaring, but when we do we have so much stuff to share! hehe...
Still I can't believe that she's having a baby!!
No people this does not entitle you to ask me when's my turn.
In good time. It will come. :) In a red lamborghini. LOL
Here are the pics.
BABY PIC I
BABY PIC II
GOOFY PARENTS
NORMAL PARENTS..LOL
You know I'm just kidding right? teehee.. Wish you guys all the luck in the world!! Mwuakssssssss.. I'm so happy I'm beyond words. This has made my day.
Sep 2, 2008
A day in the life of a lovesick blog junkie
LOVE
NOUN:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
1. Sexual passion.
2. Sexual intercourse.
3. A love affair.
Why did the American Heritage dictionary have to come up with such a long definition?? Just call it PENYAKIT! (disease)
(Jeff Thomas is uber talented! i <3 style="font-style: italic;"> Asap la api...........embun la berderai, patah galah haluan perahu, niat dihati tak mahu bercerai...Siti MMS, kuasa Allah tuan, kuasa Allah, siapa yang tahu...
Is it raining yet?
Wonders never cease what love can do to you. It can either make or break you. Ya la...aku la tue...nak cakap pasal siapa lagi kan.
I suddenly remembered this one advice a friend gave me. If you want to know whether he loves you. TEST HIM. I'm like Huh? Test? I thought my days of tests and exams were over the moment I threw my graduation cap to the skies.
Yea at times I do wonder whether he does really love me. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to read this post yea? :P
But I guess occasional litmus tests won't hurt. It's only normal I think in the coupling world called LOVE. I think it's ridiculous that you have to make tests to see whether the person loves you or not. It's either you love him or not. VICE VERSA. Plain and simple. Why should we complicate things?
I wonder whether my new found friends Bubbly and her beau Seth face similar problems during their courtship. I just got to know them yesterday so I don't know whether they would be okay with me asking them about their love life. LOL
Worst case scenario Seth would be saying
Nak mampos ke ape? >.<
I have these voices in my head that say "Dah dah le, jangan la merepek lagi please, engkau ni dah la tak cukup tido, bulan puasa plaks, tak habis2 memalukan umat"
"Ala ko ni, aku nak merapu suka hati aku la blog aku pe, ko gak yang nak sangat minum coffee sampai dua packet nyer kaw. Haaa..now feel my blogerificness!" would be the rhetort of the other one.
Tolong la Malaysia
Anyways let's return to normal mode please. The idea is to gain traffic not scare people away. :P
A friend of mine said that love causes emotional storms. I think those words are deep *phew*. My memory fails me as usual but I'll try my best to recollect it. Actually the saying was like:
My mind cannot rest for it is thinking about you constantly, my heart aches because it misses you terribly and all the distress of not having you is causing an emotional storm inside of me.
Ya rabbi. Madah ke lagi tu?
Props to the Arabs for coming up with something sweet like this :P... *Reaches for diabetes medication*
As much kutuking(make fun) as I would give it, I totally and honest to God feel like this.
And if that wasn't enough I've also caught the Gilabayangitis: root word gila bayang (kinda like the mirage affect in deserts where you see an oasis only that you see mirages of him the oasis that is he *awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*).
He tells me that every car that's of the same brand as mine (not telling you lot what I drive!) he will think it's me. (So typical of guy to think of car)
If not for praying and zikr and the fasting month, dah lama masuk Bukit Padang (sepupu dua kali kepada nenek Hospital Tanjung Rambutan :P aka insane asylum)
Lepas tu if I get memory recall like those nice moments together pandai senyum-senyum sendiri......Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
I still wonder whether after several years of loving each other these symptoms still persist?
The I can't stand being apart from you that it drives me crazy!....OR OR I can't breathe...
No Air.........No Air........... LOL
With the up most regret and I repent from making fun of love sick monkeys.
For now I am one too...
See...I even googled up a photo to prove it.
God knows who's wedding cake it is. I think it's cute because MMS and I are both born in the year of the Monkey.
I guess those who know zodiacs can identify with a Monkey's drama. Now it's double.
Hampeh
So if you guys ever wondered what it would be like to be in love. This would be a taste of the turmoil in your mind and every ounce of your being!!
I thought I'd just share :)
Misery loves company... LOL
NOUN:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
1. Sexual passion.
2. Sexual intercourse.
3. A love affair.
Why did the American Heritage dictionary have to come up with such a long definition?? Just call it PENYAKIT! (disease)
(Jeff Thomas is uber talented! i <3 style="font-style: italic;"> Asap la api...........embun la berderai, patah galah haluan perahu, niat dihati tak mahu bercerai...Siti MMS, kuasa Allah tuan, kuasa Allah, siapa yang tahu...
Is it raining yet?
Wonders never cease what love can do to you. It can either make or break you. Ya la...aku la tue...nak cakap pasal siapa lagi kan.
I suddenly remembered this one advice a friend gave me. If you want to know whether he loves you. TEST HIM. I'm like Huh? Test? I thought my days of tests and exams were over the moment I threw my graduation cap to the skies.
Yea at times I do wonder whether he does really love me. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to read this post yea? :P
But I guess occasional litmus tests won't hurt. It's only normal I think in the coupling world called LOVE. I think it's ridiculous that you have to make tests to see whether the person loves you or not. It's either you love him or not. VICE VERSA. Plain and simple. Why should we complicate things?
I wonder whether my new found friends Bubbly and her beau Seth face similar problems during their courtship. I just got to know them yesterday so I don't know whether they would be okay with me asking them about their love life. LOL
Worst case scenario Seth would be saying
Nak mampos ke ape? >.<
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I have these voices in my head that say "Dah dah le, jangan la merepek lagi please, engkau ni dah la tak cukup tido, bulan puasa plaks, tak habis2 memalukan umat"
"Ala ko ni, aku nak merapu suka hati aku la blog aku pe, ko gak yang nak sangat minum coffee sampai dua packet nyer kaw. Haaa..now feel my blogerificness!" would be the rhetort of the other one.
Tolong la Malaysia
BACK TO MY POST
Anyways let's return to normal mode please. The idea is to gain traffic not scare people away. :P
A friend of mine said that love causes emotional storms. I think those words are deep *phew*. My memory fails me as usual but I'll try my best to recollect it. Actually the saying was like:
My mind cannot rest for it is thinking about you constantly, my heart aches because it misses you terribly and all the distress of not having you is causing an emotional storm inside of me.
Ya rabbi. Madah ke lagi tu?
Props to the Arabs for coming up with something sweet like this :P... *Reaches for diabetes medication*
As much kutuking(make fun) as I would give it, I totally and honest to God feel like this.
And if that wasn't enough I've also caught the Gilabayangitis: root word gila bayang (kinda like the mirage affect in deserts where you see an oasis only that you see mirages of him the oasis that is he *awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*).
He tells me that every car that's of the same brand as mine (not telling you lot what I drive!) he will think it's me. (So typical of guy to think of car)
If not for praying and zikr and the fasting month, dah lama masuk Bukit Padang (sepupu dua kali kepada nenek Hospital Tanjung Rambutan :P aka insane asylum)
Lepas tu if I get memory recall like those nice moments together pandai senyum-senyum sendiri......Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
I still wonder whether after several years of loving each other these symptoms still persist?
The I can't stand being apart from you that it drives me crazy!....OR OR I can't breathe...
No Air.........No Air........... LOL
With the up most regret and I repent from making fun of love sick monkeys.
For now I am one too...
See...I even googled up a photo to prove it.
God knows who's wedding cake it is. I think it's cute because MMS and I are both born in the year of the Monkey.
I guess those who know zodiacs can identify with a Monkey's drama. Now it's double.
Hampeh
So if you guys ever wondered what it would be like to be in love. This would be a taste of the turmoil in your mind and every ounce of your being!!
I thought I'd just share :)
Misery loves company... LOL
Aug 29, 2008
Arfah binti Arif's eulogy
At the death of my beloved mother, I've been looking for a way to have proper closure. I also wanted a way for my future people (husband and children) to know who she was.
It's not in habit that Muslims have eulogies, but I'm writing this so that people know what a great person she was.
I don't want to entertain thoughts about how she died anymore.
I want to share with you on how she lived.
Dedicated wife, mother, sister, and friend.
I can say that I am what I am because of her. I was allowed to live a free life. Liberated from the norms of the society that was Kota Kinabalu. I spoke my mind at times paying the price, but at the end it is a fruitful endeavour.
My body is overly nourished to a fault. She said that she did not want a small weakling as a baby. Hence the frame. I am left with a beautiful reminder of how I should treat my body as a temple.
Knowledge was a key strength as she said. Education was my passport to anything and everything I desired. The world is my oyster. The impact has left me wanting to educate the world for the better. An original thought is in creation.
Emotions should be felt wholeheartedly. The heart has the ability to build or break a person. But she empowered me to know that I am the master of my heart.
Don't be afraid to love. Not all men are a*sholes. Marriage is a gamble that is worth taking a risk. This has taught me that a meaningful life is one that is shared with someone special.
God. There is no God but He. Growing up she would make it a point for me to memorise the important surahs from Quran Al Karim. My cup runneth over.
This is my mother's eulogy. And I am her legacy.
Aug 26, 2008
It's just one of them days. KREATIIV days.
My hobby is contemplating. My skill is word combinations.
My recent word is favouritize.
Favourite and prioritize. lol
Let's prioritize your favourite person in the world LOL
And officially call tomorrow or whenever you're free as your favouritize day hehe...
Who could that be?
It doesn't matter. It could be your mother, uncle, boyfriend, best friend. The most important thing is you make it that day to be spent with that particular loved one.
It doesn't have to exclusively for one person. Make it a special day for all.
My recent word is favouritize.
Favourite and prioritize. lol
Let's prioritize your favourite person in the world LOL
And officially call tomorrow or whenever you're free as your favouritize day hehe...
Who could that be?
It doesn't matter. It could be your mother, uncle, boyfriend, best friend. The most important thing is you make it that day to be spent with that particular loved one.
It doesn't have to exclusively for one person. Make it a special day for all.
Aug 25, 2008
Feel Good
I am up again lazying at home with nothing to do besides rant and complain to Pam about my uneasiness of a certain occurrence that happened recently.
Then I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on such things. It could only be a miscommunication on her behalf and a wrong perception on mine.
When I think about the things that have been going on as of lately, I should be sitting here counting my blessings and saying Alhamdulillah.
I have so much things to be thankful for. The roof over my head, the car that I drive, the true friends that I have, the health and happiness of my family and loved ones, my beautiful bf (melts)...and the ability to articulate my thoughts as I am writing this post.
Could not ask for more. But God says I should then I will :)
This reminds me of what I've learnt in the Secret.
Start counting your blessings to get into that Feel Good mood. Helps you source for better things in life.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!
Which reminds me I need to come up with a new list. LOL haha
Then I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on such things. It could only be a miscommunication on her behalf and a wrong perception on mine.
When I think about the things that have been going on as of lately, I should be sitting here counting my blessings and saying Alhamdulillah.
I have so much things to be thankful for. The roof over my head, the car that I drive, the true friends that I have, the health and happiness of my family and loved ones, my beautiful bf (melts)...and the ability to articulate my thoughts as I am writing this post.
Could not ask for more. But God says I should then I will :)
This reminds me of what I've learnt in the Secret.
Start counting your blessings to get into that Feel Good mood. Helps you source for better things in life.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!
Which reminds me I need to come up with a new list. LOL haha
Aug 21, 2008
What have you done for me lately?
Janet Jackson was spot on when she wrote this song.
The tune has been repeatedly playing in my head for days now. I know that my inner self is infuriated at the fact that I have been putting myself last. ALWAYS~! this has been my main rant.
When misfortune rises and there is an imbalance in the internal system it is convenient to blame external forces for it's cause.
Well apparently that's not the case or rather, the way to solve one's own inner turmoil.
When I am blue or angered or frustrated, straight to the point negative, I've learnt that the solver to this issue is within myself.
I'm proud to say that I'm a great mediator between my positive and negative side.
Basically now what I am facing is feeling neglected and unloved. LOL
The truth of the matter is I've been blaming a particular someone for the upheaval of my positive fairy. To make matters worst I do not communicate my unhappiness. *chuckles*
I feel silly now that I have realized this and want to make amends by pampering myself with loads of affection and good old fashioned tlc (tender loving care).
Whatever it is, it's a struggling process but I am definite I will win it at the end.
Note to self. Only seek advice from those who have working relationships. LOL
Another mental note. Do not wish others to do to you what you do not do for others. LOL
That includes yourself!
The tune has been repeatedly playing in my head for days now. I know that my inner self is infuriated at the fact that I have been putting myself last. ALWAYS~! this has been my main rant.
When misfortune rises and there is an imbalance in the internal system it is convenient to blame external forces for it's cause.
Well apparently that's not the case or rather, the way to solve one's own inner turmoil.
When I am blue or angered or frustrated, straight to the point negative, I've learnt that the solver to this issue is within myself.
I'm proud to say that I'm a great mediator between my positive and negative side.
Basically now what I am facing is feeling neglected and unloved. LOL
The truth of the matter is I've been blaming a particular someone for the upheaval of my positive fairy. To make matters worst I do not communicate my unhappiness. *chuckles*
I feel silly now that I have realized this and want to make amends by pampering myself with loads of affection and good old fashioned tlc (tender loving care).
Whatever it is, it's a struggling process but I am definite I will win it at the end.
Note to self. Only seek advice from those who have working relationships. LOL
Another mental note. Do not wish others to do to you what you do not do for others. LOL
That includes yourself!
Aug 18, 2008
My favourite couple in the world :)
Kita akan temui belangkas di laut cetek dalam keadaan berdua-dua iaitu seekor jantan (M) dan seekor betina (P). lol
Which in english means we can find the belangkas in shallow part of the sea in pairs which is the male and female belangkas. Redundant sentence eh? LOL... anyways
It's my new nickname to my favourite couple in the world who has yet to be publicized.
Always see them together. And they are on the phone when they're not. Awww...so sweet.
Dibs for bridesmaid when they get married! LOL...
Aug 17, 2008
Jiwangish mood
I have been in quite a jiwang mood as of late. Listening to the likes of Dealova, Miss Dion and other love song crooners.
I guess it's just the state that I am in.
Been thinking about how it annoys me at times that he likes to bully and tease me. God being the Great Creator that He is (Alhamdulillah) showed me the light by letting me read this quote.
I guess it's just the state that I am in.
Been thinking about how it annoys me at times that he likes to bully and tease me. God being the Great Creator that He is (Alhamdulillah) showed me the light by letting me read this quote.
A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat. Logan P. Smith
Awww...I is very touched lol
Thinking that I had much experience with matters of the heart, I realized that there is a lot more to learn.
How dull life would be without playfulness. lol It doesn't make matters easier that we are both born in the Monkey year hehe. Youthful to a fault.
When I asked him to quit teasing he would say. You know I can't do this. Initially I was very angry that I didn't get my way, but when I saw the reason behind it I guess I'm alright with it. It's just his way of getting to know whether I love him or not.. :P
Ugh! lol...
Just when I thought I had it all figured out I had to get more knowledge to confuse me.
hehe
I'll be able to digest it in due time.
Pammmmmmmmmmmmm.......! (cries for help) LOL
Thinking that I had much experience with matters of the heart, I realized that there is a lot more to learn.
How dull life would be without playfulness. lol It doesn't make matters easier that we are both born in the Monkey year hehe. Youthful to a fault.
When I asked him to quit teasing he would say. You know I can't do this. Initially I was very angry that I didn't get my way, but when I saw the reason behind it I guess I'm alright with it. It's just his way of getting to know whether I love him or not.. :P
Ugh! lol...
Just when I thought I had it all figured out I had to get more knowledge to confuse me.
hehe
I'll be able to digest it in due time.
Pammmmmmmmmmmmm.......! (cries for help) LOL
Aug 15, 2008
Define
According to princeton.edu the word define is a a concise explanation of the meaning of a word or phrase or symbol.
I've been struggling with this word for quite some time now.
But when my right brain (in charge of creativity) does the talking it gives new light on the word and to my world.
Whatever a word/action means is up to you to give definition to it.
My friend and mentor I would call her Thevi (she's a great hypnotherapist if you ever need the assistance don't hesitate to c-box me for her contact details..lol) she says that words mean nothing.
You give meaning to the word.
She gave an example of a table. The table has meaning to it when you put plates to it hence becoming a dining table.
It reminds me of my little project that I was proud of (didn't involve any building on my behalf though) of using a coffee table and a full length mirror and turning it into a dressing table. :)
She's spot on. When one gives meaning to something it does not allow any space for evolution or creation of the new. When there is already something eg. meaning, it closes possibilities.
And these are possibilities to any area of your life.
Let's dig in deeper to this and give something which I believe is much closer to home to everyone and seriously something that we all deeply yearn and crave for.
LOVE.
Do you notice at times how you put certain meanings to the word? For instance, love is when you get flowers, or love is when you give it time to grow. I'm not saying that what I just said isn't love. But rather, narrowing your chances of seeing other possibilites of how love can be. You can get food on your plate that's provided by the person who loves you out of an ACT of love and fall in love at first sight too, right?
So? I mean at the end of the day you realize that effort is wasted in giving meaning to things that aren't actually true and by blocking that one vein that counts the most.
Your Heart. :)
You don't have to beat yourself for it. I know I have and yea it's a waste of energy and time.
I live to make a difference.
W0o0ot W0o0o0ot.... :)
Just food for thought really.
I've been struggling with this word for quite some time now.
But when my right brain (in charge of creativity) does the talking it gives new light on the word and to my world.
Whatever a word/action means is up to you to give definition to it.
My friend and mentor I would call her Thevi (she's a great hypnotherapist if you ever need the assistance don't hesitate to c-box me for her contact details..lol) she says that words mean nothing.
You give meaning to the word.
She gave an example of a table. The table has meaning to it when you put plates to it hence becoming a dining table.
It reminds me of my little project that I was proud of (didn't involve any building on my behalf though) of using a coffee table and a full length mirror and turning it into a dressing table. :)
She's spot on. When one gives meaning to something it does not allow any space for evolution or creation of the new. When there is already something eg. meaning, it closes possibilities.
And these are possibilities to any area of your life.
Let's dig in deeper to this and give something which I believe is much closer to home to everyone and seriously something that we all deeply yearn and crave for.
LOVE.
Do you notice at times how you put certain meanings to the word? For instance, love is when you get flowers, or love is when you give it time to grow. I'm not saying that what I just said isn't love. But rather, narrowing your chances of seeing other possibilites of how love can be. You can get food on your plate that's provided by the person who loves you out of an ACT of love and fall in love at first sight too, right?
So? I mean at the end of the day you realize that effort is wasted in giving meaning to things that aren't actually true and by blocking that one vein that counts the most.
Your Heart. :)
You don't have to beat yourself for it. I know I have and yea it's a waste of energy and time.
I live to make a difference.
W0o0ot W0o0o0ot.... :)
Just food for thought really.
Aug 11, 2008
Mak Aihhhhhhhhhh...
My girl Pam showed me this article about this spinster who lives in a chicken coop.
How depressing...lol
My hopes are still high about being with my one and true love. But this article is not helping.
THANK YOU NEW STRAITS TIMES!
2008/08/11
Shamsiah Samat, 57, has been living with dozens of chickens and geese for four years. She rears them to make extra money.
"I used to stay with relatives, but I moved out when they asked me to pay rent."
Before that, she had lived in a squatter house near the Pahang Club House.
Built by her late father, it had collapsed eight years ago.
"Before that, my family lived in a rakit house (boat house) but it was swept away during the floods in 1971."
She said her father had tried to apply for state land but was not successful. He died at the age of 98 in 1993.
Shamsiah, who is a spinster, said she was told that she was not entitled to apply for a house under the hard core poor housing programme because she was not a single mother.
"They said I must own a piece of land before I can get the cash aid to build a house."
Shamsiah who is entitled to RM100 in monthly aid from the Welfare Department claimed that, sometimes, she did not receive the money.
"I rent this chicken coop for RM50 a month but there are times when the owner does not ask for the rent."
Shamsiah leaves her home at 7am every day to go to work in a grocery store and returns around 7pm.
"I have no choice but to walk to the town every day because I only get paid RM13 daily," she said, adding that her wish was to own a proper house before she dies.
A very colourful article that can brighten anyone's day......LOL
Kill me now!
How depressing...lol
My hopes are still high about being with my one and true love. But this article is not helping.
THANK YOU NEW STRAITS TIMES!
2008/08/11
Poor spinster lives in a chicken coop
By : M. Hamzah JamaludinKUALA LIPIS: Poverty has forced a senior citizen in Desa Jeram Batu, near here, to live in a chicken coop.
 |
| These pet tortoises are among the few luxuries that Shamsiah Samat can afford to have in her life. |
"I used to stay with relatives, but I moved out when they asked me to pay rent."
Before that, she had lived in a squatter house near the Pahang Club House.
Built by her late father, it had collapsed eight years ago.
She said her father had tried to apply for state land but was not successful. He died at the age of 98 in 1993.
Shamsiah, who is a spinster, said she was told that she was not entitled to apply for a house under the hard core poor housing programme because she was not a single mother.
"They said I must own a piece of land before I can get the cash aid to build a house."
Shamsiah who is entitled to RM100 in monthly aid from the Welfare Department claimed that, sometimes, she did not receive the money.
"I rent this chicken coop for RM50 a month but there are times when the owner does not ask for the rent."
Shamsiah leaves her home at 7am every day to go to work in a grocery store and returns around 7pm.
"I have no choice but to walk to the town every day because I only get paid RM13 daily," she said, adding that her wish was to own a proper house before she dies.
A very colourful article that can brighten anyone's day......LOL
Kill me now!
Jul 11, 2008
Geek rider
So I have been busy yet again.
The title has nothing to do with my post. I just saw this phrase somewhere and thought it was catchy.
Actually my internet was down but I have it back! W0o0o0p dee doo!
My birthday was a smash. LOL I forgot to take pictures. Well all the more reason to celebrate it another time right? :) hehe...
Spent it with friends and Mr. M. My favouritest botak man in the world right now :)
Speaking of my botak "friend"... Wonders never cease of what love can do to you or rather me :P
I realized this past couple of weeks being with him can be the best and also I can say the worst weeks of my life. It was the best when I was with him and the worst when I wasn't.
Love is really about highs and lows. It definitely made me grow up a great deal.
It taught me that even though I was in a relationship that I should have my own life.
He taught me a lot. Hard to admit that I'm learning from him. Nanti dia baca naik kepala pula LOL
I think there is all I have to say for now.
Adios.
The title has nothing to do with my post. I just saw this phrase somewhere and thought it was catchy.
Actually my internet was down but I have it back! W0o0o0p dee doo!
My birthday was a smash. LOL I forgot to take pictures. Well all the more reason to celebrate it another time right? :) hehe...
Spent it with friends and Mr. M. My favouritest botak man in the world right now :)
Speaking of my botak "friend"... Wonders never cease of what love can do to you or rather me :P
I realized this past couple of weeks being with him can be the best and also I can say the worst weeks of my life. It was the best when I was with him and the worst when I wasn't.
Love is really about highs and lows. It definitely made me grow up a great deal.
It taught me that even though I was in a relationship that I should have my own life.
He taught me a lot. Hard to admit that I'm learning from him. Nanti dia baca naik kepala pula LOL
I think there is all I have to say for now.
Adios.
Jun 16, 2008
After much request...
Damn it has been awhile!
Okay so I have been lazy with my blogging escapades, been busy with real life and further more I can't find the time to do it anymore.
But I will. Promise.
Updates?
A lot has happened recently.
I can't tell you much. The only thing that is of much significance is that magical night at Zouk.
Happy? *chuckles*
The letters MMS has hold much more meaning to me now than it has ever had.
It's not only technology anymore.
However it does pose as much threat to my potential husband John Legend. But I guess he won't mind losing to such a sweetheart :P
One of these days I shall express it in a way that best says it.
As of now my thoughts are filled with bettering my future. Financially.
On that note, I have been working out business partnerships and setting up my little venture with my good friend Fizal. It's a training to motivate women of our decade. I shall talk more about this after I've finalized some things with her.
Bear with me folks, my lappy is in the hospital. I've decided that I want to get a new one by next week. I don't think it's practical to keep such a nuisance lol
Till then all I can offer to you are these words....
WELCOME TO THE GOOD LIFE! IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!
Okay so I have been lazy with my blogging escapades, been busy with real life and further more I can't find the time to do it anymore.
But I will. Promise.
Updates?
A lot has happened recently.
I can't tell you much. The only thing that is of much significance is that magical night at Zouk.
Happy? *chuckles*
The letters MMS has hold much more meaning to me now than it has ever had.
It's not only technology anymore.
However it does pose as much threat to my potential husband John Legend. But I guess he won't mind losing to such a sweetheart :P
One of these days I shall express it in a way that best says it.
As of now my thoughts are filled with bettering my future. Financially.
On that note, I have been working out business partnerships and setting up my little venture with my good friend Fizal. It's a training to motivate women of our decade. I shall talk more about this after I've finalized some things with her.
Bear with me folks, my lappy is in the hospital. I've decided that I want to get a new one by next week. I don't think it's practical to keep such a nuisance lol
Till then all I can offer to you are these words....
WELCOME TO THE GOOD LIFE! IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!
May 14, 2008
Letting go....
Many have been asking me why does it take such a long time for me to handle the stuff that I needed to handle which was unpacking my stuff into my new home.
I was lethargic, tired, cranky and moody.
I then faced up to what was really bothering me.
I was afraid of finding....MEMORIES.
Memories of my late mother. Well I did and obviously I broke down.
My mind at the time was playing different scenes in my life. Some of her and some of my family and friends.
I was an emotional mess. Hell it wasn't pretty. It then led me to this conversation I had with a friend and she shall remain anonymous.
With all her best intentions I do believe she told me that it's been a couple of months since my mother's passing. And that it was time for me to let it go.
I was horrified at this statement. This woman gave birth to me, when no one else in the world had no faith in me she was the only one who did.
BUT FINALLY.......I've decided to let her go.
Doesn't mean that she's lost her part in the world. Specifically, mine.
I was lethargic, tired, cranky and moody.
I then faced up to what was really bothering me.
I was afraid of finding....MEMORIES.
Memories of my late mother. Well I did and obviously I broke down.
My mind at the time was playing different scenes in my life. Some of her and some of my family and friends.
I was an emotional mess. Hell it wasn't pretty. It then led me to this conversation I had with a friend and she shall remain anonymous.
With all her best intentions I do believe she told me that it's been a couple of months since my mother's passing. And that it was time for me to let it go.
I was horrified at this statement. This woman gave birth to me, when no one else in the world had no faith in me she was the only one who did.
BUT FINALLY.......I've decided to let her go.
Doesn't mean that she's lost her part in the world. Specifically, mine.
Feb 15, 2008
Love-ly
This issue of being in a committed relationship has never failed to escape my mind.
At certain instances the brag or boast about it being "good" single gets tiring.
I mean I am a complete person all on my own. But it would be great to have someone to share life's adventures with.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
But have you ever felt that you were surrounded by a group of millions and still feel so alone and separated?
I guess the karmic forces of the universe has finally decided to punish me after breaking my exes hearts.
JUST GREAT.
You know when you read the postcards and magazines and other media you'd come across
taglines like You make me feel brand new or There's no me without you, Everyday's Valentine's day with you (barfs) or oh so infamous Jerry McGuire tag line that my bestie Erin reminded me of
YOU COMPLETE ME
I used to make fun of the iwangness(emo) of it all. But now that I'm experiencing it I'd break the neck of anyone who would ridicule my feelings. LOL
Another funny thing that happened to me, well actually I don't find it funny I find it quite terrifying that I, Haryaton Yahya, keep getting dreams of me getting married and pregnant.
I freaked out even more when we went to the under garments section of
Fiona said "Start sudah bah naluri kau tu" (which means your biological clock is ticking).
She's definitely right. I had this period of time where I did not want to hold any responsibility of caring for any more children since I had already did with my nieces and nephews.
Mind you I love each and everyone of them to the bone :)
So where was I? oh! so there were a lot of things that needed to get handled before I jump into that roller coaster. [MARRIAGE-Ugh!]
I have big dreams and one of them is to move to the UK and get myself established there as a writer/PR practitioner.
I notice that my enterpreneurial genes that was passed on to me by my father and late mother (God bless her soul) is also kicking in. I just feel money hungry LOL
I'll get married and meet him when I'm good and ready. I know he's coming soon :) But before that happens I need to already be living my dreams.
At certain instances the brag or boast about it being "good" single gets tiring.
I mean I am a complete person all on my own. But it would be great to have someone to share life's adventures with.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
But have you ever felt that you were surrounded by a group of millions and still feel so alone and separated?
I guess the karmic forces of the universe has finally decided to punish me after breaking my exes hearts.
JUST GREAT.
You know when you read the postcards and magazines and other media you'd come across
taglines like You make me feel brand new or There's no me without you, Everyday's Valentine's day with you (barfs) or oh so infamous Jerry McGuire tag line that my bestie Erin reminded me of
YOU COMPLETE ME
I used to make fun of the iwangness(emo) of it all. But now that I'm experiencing it I'd break the neck of anyone who would ridicule my feelings. LOL
Another funny thing that happened to me, well actually I don't find it funny I find it quite terrifying that I, Haryaton Yahya, keep getting dreams of me getting married and pregnant.
I freaked out even more when we went to the under garments section of
Fiona said "Start sudah bah naluri kau tu" (which means your biological clock is ticking).
She's definitely right. I had this period of time where I did not want to hold any responsibility of caring for any more children since I had already did with my nieces and nephews.
Mind you I love each and everyone of them to the bone :)
So where was I? oh! so there were a lot of things that needed to get handled before I jump into that roller coaster. [MARRIAGE-Ugh!]
I have big dreams and one of them is to move to the UK and get myself established there as a writer/PR practitioner.
I notice that my enterpreneurial genes that was passed on to me by my father and late mother (God bless her soul) is also kicking in. I just feel money hungry LOL
I'll get married and meet him when I'm good and ready. I know he's coming soon :) But before that happens I need to already be living my dreams.
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