Naturally I'm always bored, looking for some new thing online when I decided to go on youtube and lo and behold I saw the featured video.
Crazy Sexy Cancer.
It was really catchy because I was thinking it was some kind of porn clip that strayed into youtube but when I read the description it drew me more to watch it.
Its a documentary about Kris Carr, who is inflicted with a rare liver cancer and her "adventures" with it.
Very touching. It's a different take on how people address the disease. She's very inspirational and I adored every bit of it. I just wished that the people I loved whom I lost to cancer saw this.
I feel like a jerk for complaining about my own life. :P (Usually comes during PMS time) Just learnt that there are a lot of things in life to be happy about :)...
And if there isn't, I'll just find them! So go out there and get your own happiness!!
Showing posts with label Self-help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-help. Show all posts
Sep 5, 2008
Sep 3, 2008
SPEAK UP!
The inspiration from this post comes from John Mayer's song Say.
Growing up, I was taught that if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. This of course didn't come from home as my parents were quite open minded about saying your mind. It was different as I entered the hell gates of primary school.
As surprising as some might find this statement, I was rather timid and awkward. I was playful though and it did what others did. Anyways, my first brush with saying sugary lies was when I was commenting on the condition of the fences at the school. It was kind of dodgy and sharp and someone could get hurt. The teacher who heard me comment said "Eh if you think you're so great go into a private school lah"
I was shocked at her remark but didn't care much because in my mind it was what I thought so what?
Then I came into university and the very same thing happened. It was one of those journalism classes (Journalism's my minor) and we had to debate about this topic on derogatory language in newspapers in the international scene. It was normal in Malaysia to find people posting ads for let's say Kadazan, 28, female but not overseas because it was considered prejudice.
It went from the ads to an American newspaper that used the word black in one of their columns. I then proceeded to say that that's not possible in this day and age because black is well in ethical terms, a BAD word. The moron(lecturer) said that it's okay because they are used to it. USED TO IT?! Gila ke apa...
My African friends and I went ballistic and argued to the extent one of my friends walked out of the class because she couldn't stand how stupid he was. Saddened by my friend's reaction "You know there is such a thing as civil rights" I blurted. He shot the look of death to me and gave me a C+ for that class. *rolls eyes*
At that point of time I didn't think I was rude and I sure as the sky is blue knew that I at least deserved a B.
Those incidents were just the few from the many that I have encountered. I'm sure that there are many out there who have experienced arguments and when they knew they were fighting a losing battle they just started to pick on you until you kept quiet. Very mature. Either that or give you the silent treatment.
Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't worry about many creative minds stunted having faced a similar plight to mine. And this is just at the micro level.
In some countries, which I am not obliged to mention, someone could get imprisoned just by speaking their mind or voicing out their anguish about the current government system.
Whatever happened to democracy and freedom of speech? It's a dead term like Latin is dead to language.
How can someone truly know the true value of his/herself without having honest feedback from others? Makes me wonder how many times I've been walking around the mall feeling I was the most gorgeous thing in sight (lol.) only to have a booger that is hanging out of my nose and no one bothers to tell me about it.
There's a thin line between honesty and animosity though. In my opinion, one can say the truth without hurting the other person's feelings if their intentions were clear enough. Even if it was hurtful tone does play an important factor. I guess that etiquette and down to earth manners also play a role in speaking the truth.
I know I'm guilty for this as well.
There's plenty of times where I let things slide between myself and others. Them saying hurtful things to me. And many of those times I wanted to fight back but hesitated. Slowly I was resenting them and I ended up torturing myself.
Am I a sucker for pain??
But I guess all those years of turmoil have gotten me to where am I today. A laser mouth chic with an attitude to match!
For as long as I can remember, after times spent on reflecting the workings that is Ari (me), I have come to terms with the fact that hey you know there will always be smart mouths as*es out there. I've just got to step up to it.
I've always like made up good comebacks in my mind during the times where I couldn't or was too blur/shocked/anguished/disappointed/etc/all of the above to retaliate. Bah!...
Anyways I've got a good collection of comebacks anyhow. My brain just needs to work faster. hehe
Food for thought.
Growing up, I was taught that if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. This of course didn't come from home as my parents were quite open minded about saying your mind. It was different as I entered the hell gates of primary school.
As surprising as some might find this statement, I was rather timid and awkward. I was playful though and it did what others did. Anyways, my first brush with saying sugary lies was when I was commenting on the condition of the fences at the school. It was kind of dodgy and sharp and someone could get hurt. The teacher who heard me comment said "Eh if you think you're so great go into a private school lah"
I was shocked at her remark but didn't care much because in my mind it was what I thought so what?
Then I came into university and the very same thing happened. It was one of those journalism classes (Journalism's my minor) and we had to debate about this topic on derogatory language in newspapers in the international scene. It was normal in Malaysia to find people posting ads for let's say Kadazan, 28, female but not overseas because it was considered prejudice.
It went from the ads to an American newspaper that used the word black in one of their columns. I then proceeded to say that that's not possible in this day and age because black is well in ethical terms, a BAD word. The moron(lecturer) said that it's okay because they are used to it. USED TO IT?! Gila ke apa...
My African friends and I went ballistic and argued to the extent one of my friends walked out of the class because she couldn't stand how stupid he was. Saddened by my friend's reaction "You know there is such a thing as civil rights" I blurted. He shot the look of death to me and gave me a C+ for that class. *rolls eyes*
At that point of time I didn't think I was rude and I sure as the sky is blue knew that I at least deserved a B.
Those incidents were just the few from the many that I have encountered. I'm sure that there are many out there who have experienced arguments and when they knew they were fighting a losing battle they just started to pick on you until you kept quiet. Very mature. Either that or give you the silent treatment.
Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't worry about many creative minds stunted having faced a similar plight to mine. And this is just at the micro level.
In some countries, which I am not obliged to mention, someone could get imprisoned just by speaking their mind or voicing out their anguish about the current government system.
Whatever happened to democracy and freedom of speech? It's a dead term like Latin is dead to language.
How can someone truly know the true value of his/herself without having honest feedback from others? Makes me wonder how many times I've been walking around the mall feeling I was the most gorgeous thing in sight (lol.) only to have a booger that is hanging out of my nose and no one bothers to tell me about it.
There's a thin line between honesty and animosity though. In my opinion, one can say the truth without hurting the other person's feelings if their intentions were clear enough. Even if it was hurtful tone does play an important factor. I guess that etiquette and down to earth manners also play a role in speaking the truth.
I know I'm guilty for this as well.
There's plenty of times where I let things slide between myself and others. Them saying hurtful things to me. And many of those times I wanted to fight back but hesitated. Slowly I was resenting them and I ended up torturing myself.
Am I a sucker for pain??
But I guess all those years of turmoil have gotten me to where am I today. A laser mouth chic with an attitude to match!
For as long as I can remember, after times spent on reflecting the workings that is Ari (me), I have come to terms with the fact that hey you know there will always be smart mouths as*es out there. I've just got to step up to it.
I've always like made up good comebacks in my mind during the times where I couldn't or was too blur/shocked/anguished/disappointed/etc/all of the above to retaliate. Bah!...
Anyways I've got a good collection of comebacks anyhow. My brain just needs to work faster. hehe
Food for thought.
Sep 2, 2008
In appreciation of individuality and togetherness
What I am about to say might be seen as enlightening to some and bias to others. Forgive me if I seem to be a pushover but these are just my personal thoughts so read at your on discretion.
In my endless search of spiritual, emotional and physical liberation I have found one thing that has sustained my sanity until now. My faith.
If the beautiful month of Ramadhan has blessed me with something which in the previous years it always has, and for this time, this would be it. Calmness and a sense of insaf or rather the by product for the word is wanting to repent and change for the better since there is no direct meaning for it.
One thing that I have feared, was the acceptance of the new me. Or rather the person that I was trying to hide to fit societal norms and the constraint of my social circle. A woman who wishes to wear the hijab (tudung) and yet not be able to hang out with her friends who party and socialize. When I think about it, if they cannot accept it, they are not friends to begin with.
One thing settled.
I also fear the judgmental stares of people of whom have come to know me as a bubbly, social and happening chic. Can't I be like that and still be a woman who is Muslim or rather, a practicing Muslim?
Hard to admit as well, that I am as well to be blamed for my internal conflict. I notice that I want certain things and not stick to what I want or settle. I join the drift so that I am accepted and just go for it because as my friend introduced me to the term, so as to not miss the boat. Now I feel like I'm riding a lowly sampan! In the end it has caused me personal turmoil and unfortunately affecting others in the process.
I could kick myself in the butt right now for the times when I said I wouldn't drink (Yes alcohol) and succumbed to influences. Bear in mind, I'm still holding on to the fact that it was my responsibility in the first place.
Drinking is just the tip of the iceberg. I've realized that I've done things so I would not be alone and be loved. And noticeably, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places and mental state and sucking on my own relationship.
I feel very shallow as of this moment. :( Love is easy to say but to do. It's a whole different ball game. Especially when you bring religion into the picture.
Been giving myself too much and thinking that it was the right way to give myself. Or so I thought. I sense the absence of firmness. I shall stand my ground. Alhamdulillah to He who is Most Aware.
Swimming through the cyber seas of the Internet looking for solace I have come across this verse from the Quran which states:
Sûrah ar Rum 30:22
"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colors. Verily, in that are indeed signs for those who know".
The Almighty mentioned that we are different. Signs for us as people to see that variety or rather individuality was made for a purpose.
Which leads me to this second verse, and this was the very verse that Moez Masoud extracted in his short and sweet 5 minute speech.
Sûrah al Hujurat 49. 13
"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other.
SO THAT YOU MAY KNOW EACH OTHER.
It did not say so that you can be superior and condemn others just because of differences. Regardless of what differences it is.
These verses touch me deeply. If only we could come together despite our differences, the world would be a better place. To not be prejudiced about which one is better than the other, and be blinded by racial superiority or whatever for that matter.
This reminds me of this forum that I attended. Which one don't ask. I mentioned something about racial equality. But this man told me that it is good to be socialist at 20, but to be one at 40 one would be a fool.
The dude is entitled to his own opinion so am I.
Honestly I was infuriated at this statement. How can one not be socially oriented if you are part of the society yourself? Don't tell me that there is a possibility that we are actually surrounded by androids with heartless perceptions or rather cynical views of the world. At times I DO FEEL that this is the case. I mean society has its ills. But its for us to work on, yes? Or are we too proud to admit of our flaws that we blind ourselves with materialistic achievements and end up overlooking on building upon our emotional intelligence?
Points to ponder.
Was Prophet Muhammad pbuh not a socialist himself? Providing equal divisions to each race, colour and creed. Bilal bin Rabbah wouldn't be the one to glorify the Azan if not for this very fact? his mother was a slave (not that I am judging, just to prove my point) and still he was trusted with such a duty because of the talent that he has, not because of the colour of his skin.
I END MY CASE.
In my endless search of spiritual, emotional and physical liberation I have found one thing that has sustained my sanity until now. My faith.
If the beautiful month of Ramadhan has blessed me with something which in the previous years it always has, and for this time, this would be it. Calmness and a sense of insaf or rather the by product for the word is wanting to repent and change for the better since there is no direct meaning for it.
One thing that I have feared, was the acceptance of the new me. Or rather the person that I was trying to hide to fit societal norms and the constraint of my social circle. A woman who wishes to wear the hijab (tudung) and yet not be able to hang out with her friends who party and socialize. When I think about it, if they cannot accept it, they are not friends to begin with.
One thing settled.
I also fear the judgmental stares of people of whom have come to know me as a bubbly, social and happening chic. Can't I be like that and still be a woman who is Muslim or rather, a practicing Muslim?
Hard to admit as well, that I am as well to be blamed for my internal conflict. I notice that I want certain things and not stick to what I want or settle. I join the drift so that I am accepted and just go for it because as my friend introduced me to the term, so as to not miss the boat. Now I feel like I'm riding a lowly sampan! In the end it has caused me personal turmoil and unfortunately affecting others in the process.
I could kick myself in the butt right now for the times when I said I wouldn't drink (Yes alcohol) and succumbed to influences. Bear in mind, I'm still holding on to the fact that it was my responsibility in the first place.
Drinking is just the tip of the iceberg. I've realized that I've done things so I would not be alone and be loved. And noticeably, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places and mental state and sucking on my own relationship.
I feel very shallow as of this moment. :( Love is easy to say but to do. It's a whole different ball game. Especially when you bring religion into the picture.
Been giving myself too much and thinking that it was the right way to give myself. Or so I thought. I sense the absence of firmness. I shall stand my ground. Alhamdulillah to He who is Most Aware.
Swimming through the cyber seas of the Internet looking for solace I have come across this verse from the Quran which states:
Sûrah ar Rum 30:22
"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colors. Verily, in that are indeed signs for those who know".
The Almighty mentioned that we are different. Signs for us as people to see that variety or rather individuality was made for a purpose.
Which leads me to this second verse, and this was the very verse that Moez Masoud extracted in his short and sweet 5 minute speech.
Sûrah al Hujurat 49. 13
"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other.
SO THAT YOU MAY KNOW EACH OTHER.
It did not say so that you can be superior and condemn others just because of differences. Regardless of what differences it is.
These verses touch me deeply. If only we could come together despite our differences, the world would be a better place. To not be prejudiced about which one is better than the other, and be blinded by racial superiority or whatever for that matter.
This reminds me of this forum that I attended. Which one don't ask. I mentioned something about racial equality. But this man told me that it is good to be socialist at 20, but to be one at 40 one would be a fool.
The dude is entitled to his own opinion so am I.
Honestly I was infuriated at this statement. How can one not be socially oriented if you are part of the society yourself? Don't tell me that there is a possibility that we are actually surrounded by androids with heartless perceptions or rather cynical views of the world. At times I DO FEEL that this is the case. I mean society has its ills. But its for us to work on, yes? Or are we too proud to admit of our flaws that we blind ourselves with materialistic achievements and end up overlooking on building upon our emotional intelligence?
Points to ponder.
Was Prophet Muhammad pbuh not a socialist himself? Providing equal divisions to each race, colour and creed. Bilal bin Rabbah wouldn't be the one to glorify the Azan if not for this very fact? his mother was a slave (not that I am judging, just to prove my point) and still he was trusted with such a duty because of the talent that he has, not because of the colour of his skin.
I END MY CASE.
Aug 26, 2008
It's just one of them days. KREATIIV days.
My hobby is contemplating. My skill is word combinations.
My recent word is favouritize.
Favourite and prioritize. lol
Let's prioritize your favourite person in the world LOL
And officially call tomorrow or whenever you're free as your favouritize day hehe...
Who could that be?
It doesn't matter. It could be your mother, uncle, boyfriend, best friend. The most important thing is you make it that day to be spent with that particular loved one.
It doesn't have to exclusively for one person. Make it a special day for all.
My recent word is favouritize.
Favourite and prioritize. lol
Let's prioritize your favourite person in the world LOL
And officially call tomorrow or whenever you're free as your favouritize day hehe...
Who could that be?
It doesn't matter. It could be your mother, uncle, boyfriend, best friend. The most important thing is you make it that day to be spent with that particular loved one.
It doesn't have to exclusively for one person. Make it a special day for all.
Aug 25, 2008
Feel Good
I am up again lazying at home with nothing to do besides rant and complain to Pam about my uneasiness of a certain occurrence that happened recently.
Then I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on such things. It could only be a miscommunication on her behalf and a wrong perception on mine.
When I think about the things that have been going on as of lately, I should be sitting here counting my blessings and saying Alhamdulillah.
I have so much things to be thankful for. The roof over my head, the car that I drive, the true friends that I have, the health and happiness of my family and loved ones, my beautiful bf (melts)...and the ability to articulate my thoughts as I am writing this post.
Could not ask for more. But God says I should then I will :)
This reminds me of what I've learnt in the Secret.
Start counting your blessings to get into that Feel Good mood. Helps you source for better things in life.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!
Which reminds me I need to come up with a new list. LOL haha
Then I realized I shouldn't waste my energy on such things. It could only be a miscommunication on her behalf and a wrong perception on mine.
When I think about the things that have been going on as of lately, I should be sitting here counting my blessings and saying Alhamdulillah.
I have so much things to be thankful for. The roof over my head, the car that I drive, the true friends that I have, the health and happiness of my family and loved ones, my beautiful bf (melts)...and the ability to articulate my thoughts as I am writing this post.
Could not ask for more. But God says I should then I will :)
This reminds me of what I've learnt in the Secret.
Start counting your blessings to get into that Feel Good mood. Helps you source for better things in life.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!
Which reminds me I need to come up with a new list. LOL haha
Aug 22, 2008
Artistic burst
My mind is flirting with the idea of writing a book, song, anything that is artistically inclined.
For many years I have put this aside to focus on my studies but at the end I'm drawn back to my calling for arts.
Sometimes I wonder whether that Mass Communication Degree I took was ever worth the effort and hair loss. I'm sure a section of my lungs has lost its capacity to function due to the copious amounts of cigarettes and burning the midnight oil.
Thank you Fi for accompanying me on those nights! Love you LOL
Pam too for listening to my rants. And Luey Pin the love of my life! How can I ever forget you?
Anyways back to the post before this turns into a shout out.
I am experiencing the culmination of grand things as of now. The fortitude that I have and surrending to the Ultimate Power (GOD!) has lead me to this point.
Never have I felt so alive and free. Needless to say there are many an obstacles to run through before I get to where I want to be.
The nobel winning writer. Insyallah in due time.
The next question would be, what would I write about? that would get me to that stage?
I don't know. But I will eventually.
Signing off.
For many years I have put this aside to focus on my studies but at the end I'm drawn back to my calling for arts.
Sometimes I wonder whether that Mass Communication Degree I took was ever worth the effort and hair loss. I'm sure a section of my lungs has lost its capacity to function due to the copious amounts of cigarettes and burning the midnight oil.
Thank you Fi for accompanying me on those nights! Love you LOL
Pam too for listening to my rants. And Luey Pin the love of my life! How can I ever forget you?
Anyways back to the post before this turns into a shout out.
I am experiencing the culmination of grand things as of now. The fortitude that I have and surrending to the Ultimate Power (GOD!) has lead me to this point.
Never have I felt so alive and free. Needless to say there are many an obstacles to run through before I get to where I want to be.
The nobel winning writer. Insyallah in due time.
The next question would be, what would I write about? that would get me to that stage?
I don't know. But I will eventually.
Signing off.
Aug 20, 2008
Recent discoveries
What matters most, is your heart. Not theirs, not his, not hers, but yours. How often do I do this? put someone else's feelings before my own. OFTEN.
I am guilty of the crime of heart negligence. My personal tragedy. And I'm sure many out there as well suffer more or less the same plight. I am victim of bullies (bosses, clients, whomever) who are out to squeeze the very little happiness I have left. Or is that just my survival mechanism talking?
The truth of it lies in the ability to realize that whatever happens, you are the person in charge of your own happiness. Therefore, if trouble arises and there are shortcomings, it is not wise to dwell in the gaol of emotional doom.
But it is an addiction, isn't it?
I question the very authority that rules this which is my heart. I find stupidity and emotions alike come hand in hand. But how can love be stupid? it is an emotion too. It is limitless in size and most potent in deed. I find that, the true force of emotions when combined with rationality gives way to ultimate glory. In other words, when you give it your all. 100%.
Things cannot be experienced fully without being honest with yourself. So honesty would be a great addition to the equation. ;)
Here are some love affirmations (self-love and love for others).
* I am a radiant being filled with light and love.
* I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
* I now express love to all those I meet.
* I am a radiating center of divine love.
* Divine love is working through me now.
* I bathe in the unconditional love of my Creator
* Love radiates from me at all times.
* I love myself completely.
* Love comes to me easily and effortlessly.
* I give and receive love easily and joyfully.
* Others love me easily and joyfully.
* I now feel loved and appreciated by my parents, my friends.
* I express love freely
* As I give love, I am instantly supplied with more.
* I radiate love to all persons and places and things.
* People are just waiting to love me, and I allow them.
* I breathe in universal love.
* I attract loving, beautiful people into my life.
* I always deserve love.
* I am attracting loving relationships into my life.
* I project love to everyone I meet.
* I love and approve of myself.
I find all this priceless treasures that lights the way for the journey to personal fulfillment. Treasures for that I should and will hold personal and dear. For no one else......... could ever take MY place in the world.
SO BE IT
I am guilty of the crime of heart negligence. My personal tragedy. And I'm sure many out there as well suffer more or less the same plight. I am victim of bullies (bosses, clients, whomever) who are out to squeeze the very little happiness I have left. Or is that just my survival mechanism talking?
The truth of it lies in the ability to realize that whatever happens, you are the person in charge of your own happiness. Therefore, if trouble arises and there are shortcomings, it is not wise to dwell in the gaol of emotional doom.
But it is an addiction, isn't it?
I question the very authority that rules this which is my heart. I find stupidity and emotions alike come hand in hand. But how can love be stupid? it is an emotion too. It is limitless in size and most potent in deed. I find that, the true force of emotions when combined with rationality gives way to ultimate glory. In other words, when you give it your all. 100%.
Things cannot be experienced fully without being honest with yourself. So honesty would be a great addition to the equation. ;)
Here are some love affirmations (self-love and love for others).
* I am a radiant being filled with light and love.
* I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
* I now express love to all those I meet.
* I am a radiating center of divine love.
* Divine love is working through me now.
* I bathe in the unconditional love of my Creator
* Love radiates from me at all times.
* I love myself completely.
* Love comes to me easily and effortlessly.
* I give and receive love easily and joyfully.
* Others love me easily and joyfully.
* I now feel loved and appreciated by my parents, my friends.
* I express love freely
* As I give love, I am instantly supplied with more.
* I radiate love to all persons and places and things.
* People are just waiting to love me, and I allow them.
* I breathe in universal love.
* I attract loving, beautiful people into my life.
* I always deserve love.
* I am attracting loving relationships into my life.
* I project love to everyone I meet.
* I love and approve of myself.
I find all this priceless treasures that lights the way for the journey to personal fulfillment. Treasures for that I should and will hold personal and dear. For no one else......... could ever take MY place in the world.
SO BE IT
Aug 15, 2008
Define
According to princeton.edu the word define is a a concise explanation of the meaning of a word or phrase or symbol.
I've been struggling with this word for quite some time now.
But when my right brain (in charge of creativity) does the talking it gives new light on the word and to my world.
Whatever a word/action means is up to you to give definition to it.
My friend and mentor I would call her Thevi (she's a great hypnotherapist if you ever need the assistance don't hesitate to c-box me for her contact details..lol) she says that words mean nothing.
You give meaning to the word.
She gave an example of a table. The table has meaning to it when you put plates to it hence becoming a dining table.
It reminds me of my little project that I was proud of (didn't involve any building on my behalf though) of using a coffee table and a full length mirror and turning it into a dressing table. :)
She's spot on. When one gives meaning to something it does not allow any space for evolution or creation of the new. When there is already something eg. meaning, it closes possibilities.
And these are possibilities to any area of your life.
Let's dig in deeper to this and give something which I believe is much closer to home to everyone and seriously something that we all deeply yearn and crave for.
LOVE.
Do you notice at times how you put certain meanings to the word? For instance, love is when you get flowers, or love is when you give it time to grow. I'm not saying that what I just said isn't love. But rather, narrowing your chances of seeing other possibilites of how love can be. You can get food on your plate that's provided by the person who loves you out of an ACT of love and fall in love at first sight too, right?
So? I mean at the end of the day you realize that effort is wasted in giving meaning to things that aren't actually true and by blocking that one vein that counts the most.
Your Heart. :)
You don't have to beat yourself for it. I know I have and yea it's a waste of energy and time.
I live to make a difference.
W0o0ot W0o0o0ot.... :)
Just food for thought really.
I've been struggling with this word for quite some time now.
But when my right brain (in charge of creativity) does the talking it gives new light on the word and to my world.
Whatever a word/action means is up to you to give definition to it.
My friend and mentor I would call her Thevi (she's a great hypnotherapist if you ever need the assistance don't hesitate to c-box me for her contact details..lol) she says that words mean nothing.
You give meaning to the word.
She gave an example of a table. The table has meaning to it when you put plates to it hence becoming a dining table.
It reminds me of my little project that I was proud of (didn't involve any building on my behalf though) of using a coffee table and a full length mirror and turning it into a dressing table. :)
She's spot on. When one gives meaning to something it does not allow any space for evolution or creation of the new. When there is already something eg. meaning, it closes possibilities.
And these are possibilities to any area of your life.
Let's dig in deeper to this and give something which I believe is much closer to home to everyone and seriously something that we all deeply yearn and crave for.
LOVE.
Do you notice at times how you put certain meanings to the word? For instance, love is when you get flowers, or love is when you give it time to grow. I'm not saying that what I just said isn't love. But rather, narrowing your chances of seeing other possibilites of how love can be. You can get food on your plate that's provided by the person who loves you out of an ACT of love and fall in love at first sight too, right?
So? I mean at the end of the day you realize that effort is wasted in giving meaning to things that aren't actually true and by blocking that one vein that counts the most.
Your Heart. :)
You don't have to beat yourself for it. I know I have and yea it's a waste of energy and time.
I live to make a difference.
W0o0ot W0o0o0ot.... :)
Just food for thought really.
May 6, 2008
You will when you believe
I've realized that there were many times in my life that I could have just thrown away everything I worked so hard for and stopped believing that it could be done.
Like the fact that I can have people I can trust and I trust in return unconditionally.
Having come from a dark place in my life, where love was but a foreign entity to me, now I see that anything can happen. When you believe.
This notion was triggered by the conversation Jazzy, Pam and I had about life and about chasing after the stars (our goals).
Pam said that she feels blessed to have friends like us around.
My cup runneth over.
Years back I was hoping and praying that things would go my way. I wanted to have the support of my loved ones and the success that I wanted.
But one thing after another happened that somewhat dimmed that light of hope for me.
Then today when I sat down and just experienced my surroundings, counting my blessings I began to see how beautiful my life was.
Which taught me never to doubt and always keep the faith.
This song expresses it best for me...the struggle towards the light.
Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
(Oh)
And it's easy to give in to your fears
(Oh...Ohhhh)
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief
(Ohhh)
There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee
Like the fact that I can have people I can trust and I trust in return unconditionally.
Having come from a dark place in my life, where love was but a foreign entity to me, now I see that anything can happen. When you believe.
This notion was triggered by the conversation Jazzy, Pam and I had about life and about chasing after the stars (our goals).
Pam said that she feels blessed to have friends like us around.
My cup runneth over.
Years back I was hoping and praying that things would go my way. I wanted to have the support of my loved ones and the success that I wanted.
But one thing after another happened that somewhat dimmed that light of hope for me.
Then today when I sat down and just experienced my surroundings, counting my blessings I began to see how beautiful my life was.
Which taught me never to doubt and always keep the faith.
This song expresses it best for me...the struggle towards the light.
Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
(Oh)
And it's easy to give in to your fears
(Oh...Ohhhh)
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief
(Ohhh)
There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee
Apr 28, 2008
Betrayal as blessing
I was talking to my friend about this.
He was telling me about this friend that treats him like a doormat.
He said he didn't want anything to do with this guy anymore.
I was thinking WOW. There's quite a number of people that I do that to in my life as well. I gather it's normal.
Then I started to question the purpose of betrayal happening to myself.
Seriously checked in with what I have been doing (karma?) that caused these things to happen.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I reflected I am who I attract at the end of the day.
No reason for me to be pointing the finger at people who have caused me misery as I have caused misery (Come on! be honest!) to people some time in my life.
Good and bad things at the present moment are a result of your previous thoughts, actions and feelings.
Think about it.
I mean when you did a good deed. Did life not become better for u?
And worst if you did bad?
AND
If you were feeling good about something, didn't that escalate into something better?
And if you were feeling bad on that day. Did it not make it even worst?
It's just some theory that I got from the secret. Good book by Rhonda Byrne.
Changed my life. :)
Now I say that betrayal is a blessing :)
Makes you think LOL
Plus mode when I look at it like that it doesn't drag me down much.
Food for thought.
He was telling me about this friend that treats him like a doormat.
He said he didn't want anything to do with this guy anymore.
I was thinking WOW. There's quite a number of people that I do that to in my life as well. I gather it's normal.
Then I started to question the purpose of betrayal happening to myself.
Seriously checked in with what I have been doing (karma?) that caused these things to happen.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I reflected I am who I attract at the end of the day.
No reason for me to be pointing the finger at people who have caused me misery as I have caused misery (Come on! be honest!) to people some time in my life.
Good and bad things at the present moment are a result of your previous thoughts, actions and feelings.
Think about it.
I mean when you did a good deed. Did life not become better for u?
And worst if you did bad?
AND
If you were feeling good about something, didn't that escalate into something better?
And if you were feeling bad on that day. Did it not make it even worst?
It's just some theory that I got from the secret. Good book by Rhonda Byrne.
Changed my life. :)
Now I say that betrayal is a blessing :)
Makes you think LOL
Plus mode when I look at it like that it doesn't drag me down much.
Food for thought.
Mar 5, 2008
Stupendous reels of the Drama Queen
Well there's this thing here
I've already banged head to head against these collision course of events of which has altered my state of existence.
Speaking of the power of sourcing, MY GOD! the abundance of men in my life (lol.)
Suddenly they come up popping from nowhere and drawing a commitment from me, of which I, Haryaton Yahya am unfamiliar with so much attention from the opposite species. (Praise God and much gratitude for Rhonda Byrne!)
The thing is, now I realize that my body is not ready to be in a commitment. No it's none of the I'm not pretty enough conversation (well maybe).
My heaviness is not funny anymore.
By the way, the breathing exercise is fantastic! I kinda resisted it in the beginning but when I finally felt that I was breathing better I'm very excited of the results it would bring me.
Then I decided to take it up a notch and go see my hypnotherapist Thevi. She's this sweet lady who I met whilst working for KMB. She was the head of training (I think) back then.
So I went to her telling her of my woes, specifically with my visualization issues. I kept seeing this person who betrayed me a couple of years back. And I didn't like her being there.
But after a session with her I noticed a big difference in myself. I am more outspoken.
I barely confront. Now I just say what's on my mind. I'm so freaking happy!
I've already banged head to head against these collision course of events of which has altered my state of existence.
Speaking of the power of sourcing, MY GOD! the abundance of men in my life (lol.)
Suddenly they come up popping from nowhere and drawing a commitment from me, of which I, Haryaton Yahya am unfamiliar with so much attention from the opposite species. (Praise God and much gratitude for Rhonda Byrne!)
The thing is, now I realize that my body is not ready to be in a commitment. No it's none of the I'm not pretty enough conversation (well maybe).
My heaviness is not funny anymore.
By the way, the breathing exercise is fantastic! I kinda resisted it in the beginning but when I finally felt that I was breathing better I'm very excited of the results it would bring me.
Then I decided to take it up a notch and go see my hypnotherapist Thevi. She's this sweet lady who I met whilst working for KMB. She was the head of training (I think) back then.
So I went to her telling her of my woes, specifically with my visualization issues. I kept seeing this person who betrayed me a couple of years back. And I didn't like her being there.
But after a session with her I noticed a big difference in myself. I am more outspoken.
I barely confront. Now I just say what's on my mind. I'm so freaking happy!
Feb 18, 2008
I'm getting married this year ! :)
The pressure has surmounted to unreasonable proportions. Why on earth is everyone getting married and ready to pop out rug rats?!
Madness.
Most of my friends are getting into committed relationships. They're either of boyfriend or out shopping for wedding dresses where as I am left with helping out in planning their weddings and looking for my bridesmaids dress. *cries*
Stop it already!
I bugged my internet service provider to speeden things up with my internet connection.
I have yet to cancel my other account in Cyberjaya. Probably do that on Wednesday or something.
I need to get my priorities straight before I even think about the marriage deal. I don't want to bring my baggage to my coming committed relationship that'll come in 1-2 months time (affirmation).
Needless to say the acquisition of a gentleman is not easy nowadays. But I won't give up.
One more thing, I won't lay in my laurels waiting for my Prince Charming to arrive. I'm going to finally do the things that I love whilst in the search.
I wonder whether he is thinking of the same thing as well. Coz I certainly am.
I MISS YOU BABY !!! MWUAKS
come soon!!! :)
Madness.
Most of my friends are getting into committed relationships. They're either of boyfriend or out shopping for wedding dresses where as I am left with helping out in planning their weddings and looking for my bridesmaids dress. *cries*
Stop it already!
I bugged my internet service provider to speeden things up with my internet connection.
I have yet to cancel my other account in Cyberjaya. Probably do that on Wednesday or something.
I need to get my priorities straight before I even think about the marriage deal. I don't want to bring my baggage to my coming committed relationship that'll come in 1-2 months time (affirmation).
Needless to say the acquisition of a gentleman is not easy nowadays. But I won't give up.
One more thing, I won't lay in my laurels waiting for my Prince Charming to arrive. I'm going to finally do the things that I love whilst in the search.
I wonder whether he is thinking of the same thing as well. Coz I certainly am.
I MISS YOU BABY !!! MWUAKS
come soon!!! :)
Ugh...
Here I am sitting in front of my laptop, pouring out my daily woes to Trin, who appears to be angered by the influences of the Fusoon(Monsoon) of his images not appearing.
Then the age old question goes "Where art thou my one true love?"
I cringe even writing that down thinking of what people might think of me????? omg! (oh my God) true love? what a wuss! The facade of strength that hides the anger and distrust that is within me is slowly melting and revealing at its deepest, to want.............
True love.
Trin says be clear about the kind of relationship that I want. Fling? or Forever?
This dude is quite the metrosexual soothsayer. Being an audio engineer his world revolves around sound and his true love. (which led me to go to him seeking for advice in the first place)
So given his enlightening prowess, he shoots me some more questions which were at each dart, like invincible hands slapping my face waking me up to reality.
How do you present yourself?
Well. (Vagueness eludes and is safe) lol
Do you notice the kind of men you attract?
Uh-uh
What type of men are they?
Bastards. (More vagueness, this really helps)
Do you notice a pattern?
I’m always left with a feeling of being taken advantage of.
What kind of man do you want? (My favourite question)
Bla blab la……….loving and trusting is crucial.
Again the statement comes. Fling or forever?
And there are prices to be paid for playing whichever game I choose to play.
For me to attract the kind of man that I want in my life I have to be the very same.
If I want a trusting, loving person I have to be the same.
THE SAME !!
And then the issue of distrust and hurt of men arises. Why would I feel hurt and distrust?? When it boils down to this, it becomes very confrontational to the self.
Where else in my life do I hurt and not trust myself?
I learnt that I am the source of my own heartbreak. When I choose to believe and deceive myself that its source is an external factor, I can never grow.
The opportunity to grow lies in my courage to confront myself moment to moment.
Feb 15, 2008
Love-ly
This issue of being in a committed relationship has never failed to escape my mind.
At certain instances the brag or boast about it being "good" single gets tiring.
I mean I am a complete person all on my own. But it would be great to have someone to share life's adventures with.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
But have you ever felt that you were surrounded by a group of millions and still feel so alone and separated?
I guess the karmic forces of the universe has finally decided to punish me after breaking my exes hearts.
JUST GREAT.
You know when you read the postcards and magazines and other media you'd come across
taglines like You make me feel brand new or There's no me without you, Everyday's Valentine's day with you (barfs) or oh so infamous Jerry McGuire tag line that my bestie Erin reminded me of
YOU COMPLETE ME
I used to make fun of the iwangness(emo) of it all. But now that I'm experiencing it I'd break the neck of anyone who would ridicule my feelings. LOL
Another funny thing that happened to me, well actually I don't find it funny I find it quite terrifying that I, Haryaton Yahya, keep getting dreams of me getting married and pregnant.
I freaked out even more when we went to the under garments section of
Fiona said "Start sudah bah naluri kau tu" (which means your biological clock is ticking).
She's definitely right. I had this period of time where I did not want to hold any responsibility of caring for any more children since I had already did with my nieces and nephews.
Mind you I love each and everyone of them to the bone :)
So where was I? oh! so there were a lot of things that needed to get handled before I jump into that roller coaster. [MARRIAGE-Ugh!]
I have big dreams and one of them is to move to the UK and get myself established there as a writer/PR practitioner.
I notice that my enterpreneurial genes that was passed on to me by my father and late mother (God bless her soul) is also kicking in. I just feel money hungry LOL
I'll get married and meet him when I'm good and ready. I know he's coming soon :) But before that happens I need to already be living my dreams.
At certain instances the brag or boast about it being "good" single gets tiring.
I mean I am a complete person all on my own. But it would be great to have someone to share life's adventures with.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
But have you ever felt that you were surrounded by a group of millions and still feel so alone and separated?
I guess the karmic forces of the universe has finally decided to punish me after breaking my exes hearts.
JUST GREAT.
You know when you read the postcards and magazines and other media you'd come across
taglines like You make me feel brand new or There's no me without you, Everyday's Valentine's day with you (barfs) or oh so infamous Jerry McGuire tag line that my bestie Erin reminded me of
YOU COMPLETE ME
I used to make fun of the iwangness(emo) of it all. But now that I'm experiencing it I'd break the neck of anyone who would ridicule my feelings. LOL
Another funny thing that happened to me, well actually I don't find it funny I find it quite terrifying that I, Haryaton Yahya, keep getting dreams of me getting married and pregnant.
I freaked out even more when we went to the under garments section of
Fiona said "Start sudah bah naluri kau tu" (which means your biological clock is ticking).
She's definitely right. I had this period of time where I did not want to hold any responsibility of caring for any more children since I had already did with my nieces and nephews.
Mind you I love each and everyone of them to the bone :)
So where was I? oh! so there were a lot of things that needed to get handled before I jump into that roller coaster. [MARRIAGE-Ugh!]
I have big dreams and one of them is to move to the UK and get myself established there as a writer/PR practitioner.
I notice that my enterpreneurial genes that was passed on to me by my father and late mother (God bless her soul) is also kicking in. I just feel money hungry LOL
I'll get married and meet him when I'm good and ready. I know he's coming soon :) But before that happens I need to already be living my dreams.
Feb 9, 2008
My heart of hearts
There seems to be an overflowing of abundance and happiness in my circle of friends in the domain of intimate relationships.
I've done so well in the past that it makes me wonder why I don't do as well in it now.
Many times I've spoken to my friends about it. Most of us are secretly wishing that it was us that were married to the one we love.
Not that I'm being desperate or whatever, it's just that it's high time I sat down and reflected upon why mine hasn't been working.
As I recall, upon attending a relationship workshop a couple of years back the trainer mentioned that, in order to have working relationships with everyone else, one has to have a working relationship with oneself.
RELATIONSHIP=Relation+Ship
The relation ship is kind of sinking.
I discovered that past experiences really plays a role on how I saw myself or rather relate.
What I wanted is to be my own best friend. That's the only way I can attract the kind of relationship that I want.
What triggered this need was because I kept attracting men that I wanted to be committed to but I felt that I was being used as a doormat and kept having to take their bullshit.
I kept giving myself blows on the face with these characters in my life. This had to stop. I was losing grasps on my self worth.
As I dug in deeper I noticed I had esteem issues as well. And this was affecting the relationship I had with myself.
How I valued myself as a person, how my inner voice/critic communicated to me.
I realized this earlier on but did not do anything about it. Yea well putting myself aside like that does not work too.
So today I read this article by texas university on how to improve one's self esteem and it really helped alot in identifying the root of the problem, identifying the contrast between healthy and poor self esteem.
Esteem <--click on this link to read more ab out it. To solidify my new found knowledge I also went on search for powerful affirmations
This post shall be my point of direction for everytime this heart gets misdirected.
Be strong young heart
For your days are numbered
Will you live in misery
or mastery of the heart?
Don't dwell in pain
Live life in love
Let it be
You will realize that
The destination is now
And the journey, by moments
When you let discovery be your God
-ari-
I've done so well in the past that it makes me wonder why I don't do as well in it now.
Many times I've spoken to my friends about it. Most of us are secretly wishing that it was us that were married to the one we love.
Not that I'm being desperate or whatever, it's just that it's high time I sat down and reflected upon why mine hasn't been working.
As I recall, upon attending a relationship workshop a couple of years back the trainer mentioned that, in order to have working relationships with everyone else, one has to have a working relationship with oneself.
RELATIONSHIP=Relation+Ship
The relation ship is kind of sinking.
I discovered that past experiences really plays a role on how I saw myself or rather relate.
What I wanted is to be my own best friend. That's the only way I can attract the kind of relationship that I want.
What triggered this need was because I kept attracting men that I wanted to be committed to but I felt that I was being used as a doormat and kept having to take their bullshit.
I kept giving myself blows on the face with these characters in my life. This had to stop. I was losing grasps on my self worth.
As I dug in deeper I noticed I had esteem issues as well. And this was affecting the relationship I had with myself.
How I valued myself as a person, how my inner voice/critic communicated to me.
I realized this earlier on but did not do anything about it. Yea well putting myself aside like that does not work too.
So today I read this article by texas university on how to improve one's self esteem and it really helped alot in identifying the root of the problem, identifying the contrast between healthy and poor self esteem.
Esteem <--click on this link to read more ab out it. To solidify my new found knowledge I also went on search for powerful affirmations
This post shall be my point of direction for everytime this heart gets misdirected.
Be strong young heart
For your days are numbered
Will you live in misery
or mastery of the heart?
Don't dwell in pain
Live life in love
Let it be
You will realize that
The destination is now
And the journey, by moments
When you let discovery be your God
-ari-
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