Old love defines you.
It defines what you are today and how you are with your relationships, especially the ones that is close to your heart.
As I see it, it has made me grow in a holistic sense.
Old love has taught me to forgive and to love unconditionally and to learn from the past.
If I had not made the decision to help out with my ex's issue and settle our severed ties, this wouldn't have been the enlightenment that I needed.
And for this I am grateful.
Grateful I have the experience to give good love to the new one in my life.
Thank you God
Nov 1, 2009
Oct 8, 2009
Out with the old and In with the NEW!
This has been my campaign slogan for the last couple of weeks. Actually it has been around for awhile but it only surfaced when I was in dire need of something different to happen to my life. Thus...
HOUSEKEEPING!
I never knew I had so much junk! Holy crap! and as I was unearthing the relics (not to mention the amount of amazonian dust bunnies that were hidden under the cupboards) I finally opened my eyes to the pig sty that was my home.
No wonder my life as I see it is in such a mess.
A couple of days earlier my communication was slurred, I felt an invisible hump from the low self esteem I was experiencing from my break up (Yethhhhhhh Master.....*drags leg*) and the dust that was everywhere.
As I began getting rid of the items that I did not need (excess), I felt as if there was a burden that was lifted from my shoulder.
Actually I have been told this a long time ago. But due to my carefree ways I did not heed the fair advice of my friend Sharifah Mezwari and instead took the same ol loop of destruction.
Now when I have started cleaning my house, giving away stuff that I did not need, I noticed my mind became clearer, and I was starting to become very certain of who I was, my identity. I used to be conscious about who I was as a person, how people perceived me and all that jazz. And at this point of epiphany recently a friend of mine said to me "How come you're so loud?" And I just snapped and said "This is me. Take it or leave it."
Who knew that getting rid of old stuff would lead to getting rid of bad habits too?
And I noticed as I progressed a lot of things that I have wanted are starting to take place.
My mind is becoming clearer and finally my path is too.
At any cost, this shall be part of my routine until I die...and one thing I've learnt is, nothing better to kick depression to the curb than good old housekeeping.
Clean environment equals to clear mind and sound body and soul.
So the next time you want some adventure, start by doing something different with your space.
You never know what new treasures in the form of people and things await you! :)
HOUSEKEEPING!
I never knew I had so much junk! Holy crap! and as I was unearthing the relics (not to mention the amount of amazonian dust bunnies that were hidden under the cupboards) I finally opened my eyes to the pig sty that was my home.
No wonder my life as I see it is in such a mess.
A couple of days earlier my communication was slurred, I felt an invisible hump from the low self esteem I was experiencing from my break up (Yethhhhhhh Master.....*drags leg*) and the dust that was everywhere.
As I began getting rid of the items that I did not need (excess), I felt as if there was a burden that was lifted from my shoulder.
Actually I have been told this a long time ago. But due to my carefree ways I did not heed the fair advice of my friend Sharifah Mezwari and instead took the same ol loop of destruction.
Now when I have started cleaning my house, giving away stuff that I did not need, I noticed my mind became clearer, and I was starting to become very certain of who I was, my identity. I used to be conscious about who I was as a person, how people perceived me and all that jazz. And at this point of epiphany recently a friend of mine said to me "How come you're so loud?" And I just snapped and said "This is me. Take it or leave it."
Who knew that getting rid of old stuff would lead to getting rid of bad habits too?
And I noticed as I progressed a lot of things that I have wanted are starting to take place.
My mind is becoming clearer and finally my path is too.
At any cost, this shall be part of my routine until I die...and one thing I've learnt is, nothing better to kick depression to the curb than good old housekeeping.
Clean environment equals to clear mind and sound body and soul.
So the next time you want some adventure, start by doing something different with your space.
You never know what new treasures in the form of people and things await you! :)
Oct 7, 2009
...to my dearest...
Every step I take to where I want to go
Your hands are becoming clearer
As I draw breath your scent comes nearer
I've been on this road and I don't want to fall
again
But just thinking this I miss you
And every night, in my dreams I kiss you
Eventhough there is no promise that you'll be mine
I just unconditionally love you
Being without you is torture
But fate has it that I can't say this
My friends say I deserve more than this
But there is no more in perfection
Seeing you brings life back to me
If only you knew
Even in this distance all I can do is
Pray that you are well, happy and always loved..
Your hands are becoming clearer
As I draw breath your scent comes nearer
I've been on this road and I don't want to fall
again
But just thinking this I miss you
And every night, in my dreams I kiss you
Eventhough there is no promise that you'll be mine
I just unconditionally love you
Being without you is torture
But fate has it that I can't say this
My friends say I deserve more than this
But there is no more in perfection
Seeing you brings life back to me
If only you knew
Even in this distance all I can do is
Pray that you are well, happy and always loved..
SEKSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...DIRIKU SEKSA..................
It’s been the most excruciating 3 months of my life.
I never knew unrequited love would hurt this bad, especially when the one you love loves someone else.
It is not only emotional torture it also has caused me physical pain. Those who have experienced this should probably know the inability to breathe, the knot in your
stomach and the pain in your chest and heart. Sometimes it can also cause migraines.
It can also be plainly paralyzing. But then that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
It still feels like there is a gaping hole in my soul.
I’ve finally accepted the fact that maybe it is just not meant to be.
As much as it burns me from the inside I have finally decided to let go.
As much as he is the world to me, his happiness comes first, even though it compromises my own.
I used to mock myself for feeling this kind of love for him. Now I just let it be. I let the love fill me with every ounce of my being.
Someone very important to me told me today, true love just feels right. You will know when you look at the person that you feel comfortable and
This is the only thing that feels right, right about now.
Will I ever fall in love again?
Who knows.
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. As long as I have the love for him inside my heart it is unfair for me to let someone else in.
If I am to love again, it is a MUST to give the next person all of me, and all that I am.
I didn’t write this post with the intention to undermine him and blame him for what has happened and make me look like the better person. I know somehow there must be something that I did that caused the relationship to deteriorate and DIE.
My love didn’t die with it.
My sarcastic self says that my love for him sounds like a Hindustani tragedy. Maybe it is.
I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho the other day. The gist of it is that one should seize the day because that day/love might not come again tomorrow.
I’ve learned the hard way about being rigorous in love. The movie taught me this. I pray to God I don’t make this mistake again.
Grateful I am that I learnt to appreciate living each day as if it was your last.
When I see my family and friends I take for granted that they will always be there for me.
Now I realized that I, we, we all live on borrowed time and at any point of time I could drop dead and not say the words I wanted to say to my family and friends.
Probably what I’m saying is dramatically morbid.
But really, do you have a say on when you are going to die?
And when you are on your death bed, what are people going to say about you? What kind of legacy have you left the world?
Most importantly, have you confessed your love?
It’s these kinds of things that keep me grounded.
Signing off to another day…
Happy living people.
I never knew unrequited love would hurt this bad, especially when the one you love loves someone else.
It is not only emotional torture it also has caused me physical pain. Those who have experienced this should probably know the inability to breathe, the knot in your
stomach and the pain in your chest and heart. Sometimes it can also cause migraines.
It can also be plainly paralyzing. But then that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
It still feels like there is a gaping hole in my soul.
I’ve finally accepted the fact that maybe it is just not meant to be.
As much as it burns me from the inside I have finally decided to let go.
As much as he is the world to me, his happiness comes first, even though it compromises my own.
I used to mock myself for feeling this kind of love for him. Now I just let it be. I let the love fill me with every ounce of my being.
Someone very important to me told me today, true love just feels right. You will know when you look at the person that you feel comfortable and
This is the only thing that feels right, right about now.
Will I ever fall in love again?
Who knows.
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. As long as I have the love for him inside my heart it is unfair for me to let someone else in.
If I am to love again, it is a MUST to give the next person all of me, and all that I am.
I didn’t write this post with the intention to undermine him and blame him for what has happened and make me look like the better person. I know somehow there must be something that I did that caused the relationship to deteriorate and DIE.
My love didn’t die with it.
My sarcastic self says that my love for him sounds like a Hindustani tragedy. Maybe it is.
I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho the other day. The gist of it is that one should seize the day because that day/love might not come again tomorrow.
I’ve learned the hard way about being rigorous in love. The movie taught me this. I pray to God I don’t make this mistake again.
Grateful I am that I learnt to appreciate living each day as if it was your last.
When I see my family and friends I take for granted that they will always be there for me.
Now I realized that I, we, we all live on borrowed time and at any point of time I could drop dead and not say the words I wanted to say to my family and friends.
Probably what I’m saying is dramatically morbid.
But really, do you have a say on when you are going to die?
And when you are on your death bed, what are people going to say about you? What kind of legacy have you left the world?
Most importantly, have you confessed your love?
It’s these kinds of things that keep me grounded.
Signing off to another day…
Happy living people.
Sep 10, 2009
My paranoia on lockdown
Just a moment ago I realized that this paranoia is the very reason that I never want to go 100%. In my relationships,career,love and everything else has always been mediocre, either that or I lose stamina half way. I never finish what I start, I give out false promises, I feel fake. Even with my real friends I cannot be 100% open. I'm scared that when I am I'll lose them to my paranoia. Either way I will lose them too.
For most of my life I've always been haunted by paranoia. I read from this article that paranoia is a deep seeded fear that something bad is going to happen and is usually a result of an emotional wound that has not been addressed.
I've let this fear run my life most of the time. You must be wondering why I am not being specific as to what event it was. For me, NOW at this MOMENT, it doesn't matter. I am here to not talk in details about the fear, I am here of my discovery of this fear.
At times I'm driven to tears even suicide, yes suicide, because of this fear, then I remembered what a friend told me, YOUR FEAR IS ONLY AS BIG AS YOU ALLOW IT TO BE. She had a point. I mean life isn't perfect, I acknowledge that. If it was so perfect then what would I learn from it? Furthermore, the best thing is, when I decided to look at it from a different angle it isn't so overwhelming. I can move on with my life vs feeling stuck in a rut.
I've accepted I cannot change someone's intentions towards me, but I can ask for something different to happen. I can manifest something different to happen. What makes me more confident is this other saying my friend told me, YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. Exactly. All this while I've been sowing the seeds of fear and paranoia and building up a wall and no wonder the experiences that enter my life are tiring, irritating and filled with anxiety and hate. It feels like a prison and the people that I attracted were like cellmates.
It's been with me so long that I find that it's a part of me. But also I've made a discovery that even bad habits can be broken. I'm human, I can learn new tricks :)
Now in the process of building a new habit, is not going to happen overnight. I like how Louise Hay puts it, it's like cleaning a dirty pot, as you clean it(apply new habit), all the dirt and grime (your 'stuff' about this bad habit will come up i.e- I can't do it, you suck, this new habit will never stick)will surface, she said that we need to keep at it until the pot is clean.
Anyways you only need 45 days to cultivate this new habit. It's better to stick to it then go back to your old ways that wasn't working. As of now, courage and persistence shall be my ally so as to permanently put this paranoia on LOVEDOWN. :) I deserve a better life than this and I'm going to go 100% to achieve it.
For most of my life I've always been haunted by paranoia. I read from this article that paranoia is a deep seeded fear that something bad is going to happen and is usually a result of an emotional wound that has not been addressed.
I've let this fear run my life most of the time. You must be wondering why I am not being specific as to what event it was. For me, NOW at this MOMENT, it doesn't matter. I am here to not talk in details about the fear, I am here of my discovery of this fear.
At times I'm driven to tears even suicide, yes suicide, because of this fear, then I remembered what a friend told me, YOUR FEAR IS ONLY AS BIG AS YOU ALLOW IT TO BE. She had a point. I mean life isn't perfect, I acknowledge that. If it was so perfect then what would I learn from it? Furthermore, the best thing is, when I decided to look at it from a different angle it isn't so overwhelming. I can move on with my life vs feeling stuck in a rut.
I've accepted I cannot change someone's intentions towards me, but I can ask for something different to happen. I can manifest something different to happen. What makes me more confident is this other saying my friend told me, YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. Exactly. All this while I've been sowing the seeds of fear and paranoia and building up a wall and no wonder the experiences that enter my life are tiring, irritating and filled with anxiety and hate. It feels like a prison and the people that I attracted were like cellmates.
It's been with me so long that I find that it's a part of me. But also I've made a discovery that even bad habits can be broken. I'm human, I can learn new tricks :)
Now in the process of building a new habit, is not going to happen overnight. I like how Louise Hay puts it, it's like cleaning a dirty pot, as you clean it(apply new habit), all the dirt and grime (your 'stuff' about this bad habit will come up i.e- I can't do it, you suck, this new habit will never stick)will surface, she said that we need to keep at it until the pot is clean.
Anyways you only need 45 days to cultivate this new habit. It's better to stick to it then go back to your old ways that wasn't working. As of now, courage and persistence shall be my ally so as to permanently put this paranoia on LOVEDOWN. :) I deserve a better life than this and I'm going to go 100% to achieve it.
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