Kreatiiv.Angel.Bunni

Ramadan Reflections Day 9

2010-08-19T13:43:00.000-07:00

From day 4 up till now it was just a blur.

Everything didn't quite make sense because......of that one chance meeting.

That one chance meeting that proved to me that, I wasn't still over him.

Almost a week worth's of passion unstated.

The trials and tribulations made me wander whether I was going to make it.

Eventually I will.

Ramadan Reflections Day 3

2010-08-14T05:05:00.001-07:00

This day was a good and quiet day.

My neighbour's little girl graced me with her presence and joy.

Very intelligent and charming.

All my 30 years of existence, half of it was spent hearing people call me, sister, cousin or aunty.

Only today I wondered, what it would be like to be called sayang by my husband and Mummy by my kids.

I leave this in God's hands. Jaded but still going.

Ramadan Reflections Day 2

2010-08-12T15:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a very inspiring time today.

Had iftar (breaking fast) with friends, and a jolly good time just chilling and relaxing.

The best thing was I couldn't wait to get home and spend some time to myself.

What a luxury I might add.

2 years ago I dreaded my own company. I would suffer in silence and isolate myself more.

Now it's just me, myself and I and I couldn't be better.

There's just this liberating feeling that comes knowing that I can count on me to make things happen and amuse myself with anything and everything the world can offer.

I think that going on adventures with my new found friends has also enriched my life. Gunung Senyum and Broga was awesome.

Planning to bring my friends there again. I think I want to introduce the idea to the Monkeys. A Monkeys day out kinda thing.

The place is real special to me so yea why not bring special people, right? :)

Anyways, gratitude to Allah SWT again for the enlightenment and happiness.

Thank You ya Kareem, Most Great.

Note to self, I think I should start charging the battery for my Canon Ixus. It takes awesome pics.

Ramadan Reflections Day 1.5

2010-08-12T01:33:00.001-07:00

It's almost break fast.

I'm cooking some sort of Lamb Rice dish I concocted a couple of weeks ago. Jazzy seems to like so I decided to make it for Ayman's break fast today.

I'm really missing breaking my fast at home with my family. I've been away from my family for ages. I don't know when was the last time I broke my fast with them.

This year I'm making it a must to do so. I promised them I'd be back.

Seeing my nephews and nieces wolfing down food has always been something that made me smile.

They always had my back too. Nothing like being away from family to make you appreciate them more. Alhamdulillah for the bounty from Allah that makes me appreciate them and having friends who I appreciate and love, and reciprocate.

Well, I gotta go before I burn something.

Almost got the whole world in my hands. Ah well, completion is just around the corner :)

Later y'all..

Salam

Ramadan Reflections Day 1

2010-08-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

I told my friend I wanted to journal my happenings in the next 30 days of Ramadan. So here goes.

I don't know how I'm going to start it but I'll make it better as I go along.

Yesterday was kind of a stretch for me I must say, being the first day and all.

I couldn't help but want to swear every other time.

I had this lady who took over me on the way to Al-Andalus to break fast with my friends and it drove me insane. I wanted to wave her the finger (I would have tossed my shoes at her and showed her both my middle toes to if it didn't boggle the physical plains of reality and question the sanity of the mind too much-my mind)

Instead I took a deep breath and braved through the next hour in silence and inner reflection.

It made me take a look at my mistakes. Yes........what a time to be reflecting. Half an hour to break fast and in a tight jam (I think that highways do it to me a lot).

I realized I don't show my appreciation to those that matter a lot (a certain someone). *sighs*..Real heavy price to pay for enlightenment especially when you love that someone that much.

I haven't quite figured out though why I haven't gotten over that certain someone yet. It's pure torture especially when I love being in control of my situation and happenings.

Jazzy told me there's always a reason, and I remembered Erin say, when the sun is still not out you can always dance in the rain. Metaphorically been dancing in the rain too long that saying my skin's prune-y would be an understatement.

Good news is career is on a healthy front and health is awesome too. Would be better if I had more money and was fitter though.

Like Oprah rich and Giselle fit.

Never the less, I'm grateful.

Gloomy and Moody

2010-06-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't written on this blog for the longest time. I think I suddenly decided to damn my writing because of my break up.

I'm starting to think that truly love doesn't exist. How can things in the movies happen the way it is in real life? Obviously those emotions were evoked from those damn pay checks that those celebrities get.

My life in ruins. Everything isn't working for me as of now and thinking positively isn't the first thing that comes to my mind.

Where is this silver lining anyways?!

If somebody took it please give it back.

I do have a little shine in my usual dreary life. My friend Jazzy bought me a basil plant which I decided to call, BASIL (creativity isn't one of my strong points at this point of time)

I shall post his picture(Yes it is a guy plant, since I can't seem to keep a real man)..and he kind looks sickly to me. Oh well. (Note: I will be very depressed if it dies on me)

Okay let me warn you I'm going to go on a random tangent here.

For those who do not know me very well, I've got a thing for tanned men, of the African flavour. But these past couple of days I vowed to keep my mind open to every other race since it sucks being single for 4 months and still be in love with my ex who God knows where and what he's doing right now. Anyways, focus...well my mind was open until Fiona tagged me on Facebook with a hot African American dude dancing in it. *Sighs* Our best friends knows us best.

I love you Fiona.

I'm going to go now.

Adonis, my piano is a calling. Hopefully this is not a one off thing.

It's good to be back.

HELLO!!

2010-02-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

Hey people. For my loyal readers, kreatiiv.blogspot.com is going to be my personal blog.

I've started writing most of my self awareness stuff on this blog livelifelegendary.blogspot.com. Feel free to come and check it out :)

Take care folks !! kisses

Dear God

2010-02-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Dear God, I'm not asking for much. Just to let you know I'm going through a rough time right now, not that you don't already know but yea please make my life better. Tell me what to do and I'll do it.

Thanks for your time.

Ari

EXCEL OR BUST.

2009-12-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

I find that mediocrity is a pest. And yet sometimes I fall prey to its coils. Why not? It's safe and no one gets hurt, especially me.

But when I think about the consequences of mediocrity my stomach does cartwheels.

How do you know how far you can go if you do not go par excellence? 100%?

Would you rather fall flat on your face knowing that you went 100% or still fall flat with shit on your head and what if questions like vultures hovering over your rotting flesh?

Emotionally, mentally and physically wondering what ifs will eventually eat at your soul. And then what?

I find we take for granted that we have ALL THE TIME IN THE FREAKING WORLD to do whatever we want, hence procrastinating until it's too late.

When you think about it, who does have all the time in the world? We do live in borrowed time.
We do not have the luxury to choose our time of death, if we did, then there wouldn't be such a thing as regret. It wouldn't exist in the dictionary.

But yes it does, under R. A big capital R.

And for those who still do have time we idle in the realm of NOT ENOUGH TIME.

I'm not surprised. Think about it.

How much time do you spend wasting your time away figuring out and worrying about something that when you realize, is actually trivial, compared to others things like going 100% in your hopes and dreams. :P

Anyways, with my thoughts out in the open, I end with..

EXCEL OR BUST.

THANKFUL

2009-11-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

I can never stress enough about being thankful.

I've been on two sides where the pendulum swings and here's my take on it, if you want a shitty life, then keep complaining, but if you want a life that's worth living, keep thanking..keep thanking everything that has happened to you good or bad.

It always helps to be optimistic about everything. Even when met with an accident you can say hey, worst things could have happened AND you could say this is a good lesson for me to always be cautious on the road. Or you broke up with someone you loved, you can either curse the situation or be thankful and say that it wasn't meant to be and thank God because it is paving the way for you to be with someone who is best deserving of you.

It's kind of like counting your blessings. You can thank your lucky stars for the recent promotion you got, or the BMW you're driving in, and you can also think the little things like the air that you breathe and the safe country that you live in, and being able to see the faces of your loved ones everyday.

A lot of people in the world would die to have the things or people we sometimes take for granted.

As for me, I'm thankful for the air that I breathe, the loving family, friends and boyfriend that I have. Thank you for being in my space and making me better!

The 48 hour missing person's rule

2009-11-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

Okay here's the deal.

I haven't heard from a particular someone for more than 48 hours.

The thing is, I have this rule. It's called the missing person's rule. If the person I'm in a relationship in hasn't contacted me for more than 48 hours I need to reconsider this person.

Think about it. Is their love really true if he hasn't contacted you for this long?

Unless there is some kind of tragedy/illness/disease/bubonic plague then it is acceptable.

I need to be very strict with this. Whatever it is, I won't let history (and was a very painful one) repeat itself.

NANTI NAIK KEPALA!

UGH.

Siapa la tau kalau aku mampus kan???

p/s I love this rule. Really put things in perspective.

Old Love

2009-11-01T11:58:00.001-08:00

Old love defines you.

It defines what you are today and how you are with your relationships, especially the ones that is close to your heart.

As I see it, it has made me grow in a holistic sense.

Old love has taught me to forgive and to love unconditionally and to learn from the past.

If I had not made the decision to help out with my ex's issue and settle our severed ties, this wouldn't have been the enlightenment that I needed.

And for this I am grateful.

Grateful I have the experience to give good love to the new one in my life.

Thank you God

Out with the old and In with the NEW!

2009-10-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

This has been my campaign slogan for the last couple of weeks. Actually it has been around for awhile but it only surfaced when I was in dire need of something different to happen to my life. Thus...

HOUSEKEEPING!

I never knew I had so much junk! Holy crap! and as I was unearthing the relics (not to mention the amount of amazonian dust bunnies that were hidden under the cupboards) I finally opened my eyes to the pig sty that was my home.

No wonder my life as I see it is in such a mess.

A couple of days earlier my communication was slurred, I felt an invisible hump from the low self esteem I was experiencing from my break up (Yethhhhhhh Master.....*drags leg*) and the dust that was everywhere.

As I began getting rid of the items that I did not need (excess), I felt as if there was a burden that was lifted from my shoulder.

Actually I have been told this a long time ago. But due to my carefree ways I did not heed the fair advice of my friend Sharifah Mezwari and instead took the same ol loop of destruction.

Now when I have started cleaning my house, giving away stuff that I did not need, I noticed my mind became clearer, and I was starting to become very certain of who I was, my identity. I used to be conscious about who I was as a person, how people perceived me and all that jazz. And at this point of epiphany recently a friend of mine said to me "How come you're so loud?" And I just snapped and said "This is me. Take it or leave it."

Who knew that getting rid of old stuff would lead to getting rid of bad habits too?

And I noticed as I progressed a lot of things that I have wanted are starting to take place.

My mind is becoming clearer and finally my path is too.

At any cost, this shall be part of my routine until I die...and one thing I've learnt is, nothing better to kick depression to the curb than good old housekeeping.

Clean environment equals to clear mind and sound body and soul.

So the next time you want some adventure, start by doing something different with your space.

You never know what new treasures in the form of people and things await you! :)

...to my dearest...

2009-10-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

Every step I take to where I want to go
Your hands are becoming clearer
As I draw breath your scent comes nearer
I've been on this road and I don't want to fall
again

But just thinking this I miss you
And every night, in my dreams I kiss you
Eventhough there is no promise that you'll be mine
I just unconditionally love you

Being without you is torture
But fate has it that I can't say this
My friends say I deserve more than this
But there is no more in perfection

Seeing you brings life back to me
If only you knew
Even in this distance all I can do is
Pray that you are well, happy and always loved..

SEKSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...DIRIKU SEKSA..................

2009-10-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

It’s been the most excruciating 3 months of my life.

I never knew unrequited love would hurt this bad, especially when the one you love loves someone else.

It is not only emotional torture it also has caused me physical pain. Those who have experienced this should probably know the inability to breathe, the knot in your
stomach and the pain in your chest and heart. Sometimes it can also cause migraines.

It can also be plainly paralyzing. But then that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

It still feels like there is a gaping hole in my soul.

I’ve finally accepted the fact that maybe it is just not meant to be.

As much as it burns me from the inside I have finally decided to let go.

As much as he is the world to me, his happiness comes first, even though it compromises my own.

I used to mock myself for feeling this kind of love for him. Now I just let it be. I let the love fill me with every ounce of my being.

Someone very important to me told me today, true love just feels right. You will know when you look at the person that you feel comfortable and
This is the only thing that feels right, right about now.

Will I ever fall in love again?
Who knows.
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. As long as I have the love for him inside my heart it is unfair for me to let someone else in.

If I am to love again, it is a MUST to give the next person all of me, and all that I am.

I didn’t write this post with the intention to undermine him and blame him for what has happened and make me look like the better person. I know somehow there must be something that I did that caused the relationship to deteriorate and DIE.

My love didn’t die with it.

My sarcastic self says that my love for him sounds like a Hindustani tragedy. Maybe it is.

I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho the other day. The gist of it is that one should seize the day because that day/love might not come again tomorrow.

I’ve learned the hard way about being rigorous in love. The movie taught me this. I pray to God I don’t make this mistake again.

Grateful I am that I learnt to appreciate living each day as if it was your last.

When I see my family and friends I take for granted that they will always be there for me.

Now I realized that I, we, we all live on borrowed time and at any point of time I could drop dead and not say the words I wanted to say to my family and friends.

Probably what I’m saying is dramatically morbid.

But really, do you have a say on when you are going to die?

And when you are on your death bed, what are people going to say about you? What kind of legacy have you left the world?

Most importantly, have you confessed your love?

It’s these kinds of things that keep me grounded.

Signing off to another day…
Happy living people.

My paranoia on lockdown

2009-09-10T15:58:00.000-07:00

Just a moment ago I realized that this paranoia is the very reason that I never want to go 100%. In my relationships,career,love and everything else has always been mediocre, either that or I lose stamina half way. I never finish what I start, I give out false promises, I feel fake. Even with my real friends I cannot be 100% open. I'm scared that when I am I'll lose them to my paranoia. Either way I will lose them too.

For most of my life I've always been haunted by paranoia. I read from this article that paranoia is a deep seeded fear that something bad is going to happen and is usually a result of an emotional wound that has not been addressed.

I've let this fear run my life most of the time. You must be wondering why I am not being specific as to what event it was. For me, NOW at this MOMENT, it doesn't matter. I am here to not talk in details about the fear, I am here of my discovery of this fear.

At times I'm driven to tears even suicide, yes suicide, because of this fear, then I remembered what a friend told me, YOUR FEAR IS ONLY AS BIG AS YOU ALLOW IT TO BE. She had a point. I mean life isn't perfect, I acknowledge that. If it was so perfect then what would I learn from it? Furthermore, the best thing is, when I decided to look at it from a different angle it isn't so overwhelming. I can move on with my life vs feeling stuck in a rut.

I've accepted I cannot change someone's intentions towards me, but I can ask for something different to happen. I can manifest something different to happen. What makes me more confident is this other saying my friend told me, YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. Exactly. All this while I've been sowing the seeds of fear and paranoia and building up a wall and no wonder the experiences that enter my life are tiring, irritating and filled with anxiety and hate. It feels like a prison and the people that I attracted were like cellmates.

It's been with me so long that I find that it's a part of me. But also I've made a discovery that even bad habits can be broken. I'm human, I can learn new tricks :)

Now in the process of building a new habit, is not going to happen overnight. I like how Louise Hay puts it, it's like cleaning a dirty pot, as you clean it(apply new habit), all the dirt and grime (your 'stuff' about this bad habit will come up i.e- I can't do it, you suck, this new habit will never stick)will surface, she said that we need to keep at it until the pot is clean.

Anyways you only need 45 days to cultivate this new habit. It's better to stick to it then go back to your old ways that wasn't working. As of now, courage and persistence shall be my ally so as to permanently put this paranoia on LOVEDOWN. :) I deserve a better life than this and I'm going to go 100% to achieve it.

The Perfect Day By Robin Sharma

2009-08-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Just recorded the latest video for The Monthly Coach program I do. One of the pieces was on "The Perfect Day". While nothing's perfect in business and in life, recording what your ideal day looks like is a smart move. Because with greater clarity comes better choices.

What was the best day you've had in the past 12 months? What made it so special - and unforgettable? What things were you doing that time that gave you those superior results? Once you know what works, you can set about doing them with greater consistency. And consistency is the generator of Mastery.

Here are 4 recommendations for a perfect day:

1. Get up early. Getting up early is a gift you give yourself - once you install the habit. Yes, that's hard at first but after a few weeks you'll have more time for yourself every morning - time to think/read/visualize/exercise and set yourself up for superb results.

2. Run a schedule. I write more about this in The Greatness Guide where I say: "The things that get scheduled are the things that get done." Success and happiness don't happen by accident. No, they occur through conscious choice. Schedule your priorities and the most important things in your life so you can get them done.

3. Stand in Gratitude. While there are so many things you could do to ensure a great/perfect day, I find spending even 5 minutes in gratitude reshapes the way I perceive my day. Please remember, stress and gratitude can't share the same room. And you'll see more of what you pay attention to. So focus on best and block out the rest.

4. Growth. Much as we resist change, the fact is human beings are happiest when we are growing. To live perfect days, do things that move you out of your comfort zone and into your Discomfort Zone. A day with zero growth is a day unfully lived. Fears faced die speedy deaths.

Making mistakes

2009-07-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

I think making mistakes is God’s way of keeping me humble, of keeping everyone humble. God knows that I have been riding the holier than thou boat. That boat has sunk. I’m grieving beyond words. I’ve always blamed my ex for the relationship not working. Not that I’ve broken up with a new one, he somehow blames me (although not totally) for the relationship not working. Now karma has bit me on my butt real hard. Ouch! >.<

Well I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that I’m not very proud of. Some are too personal too mention. I guess when these things happen it keeps me in perspective that people do make mistakes. I realize I can be quite unmerciful when it comes to others wrongdoings.

Silver lining is I’ve reached a whole new level of compassion. How ironic that the ugly events had to happen for me to learn this lesson. It’s kind of like some form of compensation. And when they said to not be so quick to judge they weren’t kidding. My friend Donald said to me, that we’re no better than anyone else.

I remembered me being on the way to see Fi at Al-Safa, praying to God to never leave me out of His sight even for an instant, because I know the wrong I’m capable of doing if He does not grace me with His love. Again I am praying to Him, to please grace Him with His love. I am grateful that He has made me see the error of my ways and not continue doing the wrong, and that I catch myself.

My other friend Fred (yes I have a lot of guy friends) said that we should only look up to compare oneself to our ideal, kind of like someone to look up to. Admittedly, I have a self destructive tendency and make it an insecurity complex rather than something I enjoy striving towards becoming.

There’s also the fact that people say that look at people not as fortunate as you because it’s going to make you feel grateful with the life that you lead. The flipside is that at times I can get arrogant with success. It’s really a juggle between good and evil. I learnt about the law of attraction. These kind of thoughts manifest like a b*tch, when you think about it, no energy should be spent on thinking thoughts that will not serve you, take it from me, Rhonda Byrne knows what she’s talking about. Even in some religious principles, like karma for instance, when you put out negative energy, you get back negative energy, even in my religion, Islam, we’re taught that 40 times you think about that one particular thing it becomes the truth.

What I got from it all was a higher understanding of forgiveness and compassion and a revision on law of attraction, not bad in one day.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Thank u b1..

Looking for love

2009-06-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

Last night was something different. Last night was filled with talks of despair, hope, love and faith. As the monkeys (my best friends and I) gatherered at Hartamas, the very thought that came to mind was, how come my heart suddenly was filled with this overwhelming loneliness. Like I didn't have enough shit to think about already this irritating turmoil was filling my gut with despair.

I then seek counsel of one of the sages, and he said and I quote " You are full of love. Has it occurred to you maybe you are looking in the wrong places or not being in the right places to be found?"...Counting the years that I have lived, and the hours of idle time I have wasted hoping that someone would find me under my rock, this life saving statement has opened my eyes to explore more possibilities than one.

I've always been the type to say, ceh, let him find me la. OR it's not my time yet. I liked what my friend told me about what Fazillah Kamsah (sp?) said about love. It's something that you summon (ok, it's not the witchcraft type of summon-Imagine a gigantic part gorilla part dragon waiting at your doorstep).

WHICH INCLUDES BEING URGENT AND DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

You summon and call for him/her by being the person that you need to be in order to attract this man/woman/dragon part gorilla (just kidding) into your life. And nurture the love in your heart as you would a seed. Moderation is key, not too much and not too little. Like a tree, it too can die if you give it in the wrong hands, and whether it is the wrong hands or not, in my point of view, that should be the call you must be courageous enough to make.

The weirdest thing and that I find magical is when I did my very own summoning. I kept looking at this vision collage that I had of what I wanted accomplished in my life which included my dream man. I was listening to Jai Ho (Pussycat Dolls) for a whole month day in and day out calling upon that guy who would be my destiny. Who would have known the victorious one would appear. My ever so macho friend Wessam squealed when I told him about it. (laffs)

So dear readers, may you be victorious in your endeavours and I trust you will succeed in getting to where you want to go. Just listen to your heart and it will lead you to the right place.

God will never change the destiny of a society until its people change that Society." (13:11)

Expectations and Communication.

2009-05-18T18:34:00.001-07:00

If they say that assumption is the root of all screw ups then I would definitely say that expectations is the root to all that collapses.

If one is familiar with the world of statistics and sociology, there is a huge population that contains different probabilities with different social influences. I could be a Malay girl who was raised to believe that if someone loves me it meant that he would respect my body, respect my religion and be the one who was the leader in the family and if I was dating a white dude who expected to have equal rights and that no nookie meant that I was not attractive enough for her then imagine what this would do?

Somewhere along the lines of relationships and love this happened for me. Both parties coming from EXPECTING without communicating to the other person to have them understand what it meant to be physically unfit to the extent of not being aware of what was going on.

I guess when I think about it, expectation and assumptions come hand in hand and they belong in the same relationship collapsing family. It's as simple as that. Expectations can lead to false interpretation of the information, for instance, hearing what one wants to hear instead of what is being said, because in your mind you're already expecting them to say something but in actual fact they are conveying something different. There is also a different type of expectation where you expect the person to say something, but you feel failed, rejected and dejected when the other says the total opposite. Therefore the point that should be made here is to listen intently and be the master of your own emotions. The only possible break in habit is to practice a new one.

But it's not that people should be doomed with it. There is plausible change. But in order to have it take place, effective communication needs to take place. :) and again I stress that this need to be a habit :P

Yapping can happen but if it's not with purpose it need not be executed. Communicating effectively also means that the other person gets what the conveyor is saying. Vice versa. Hence subtracting breakdown from the equation. In my opinion, inevitably both parties should agree to disagree. There will always be times where two points differ, it doesn't mean when it doesn't meet that one should send in the divorce papers, there is a choice of seeing it in the light where one appreciates the other party with their own uniqueness. Furthermore, isn't it great that you have a collection of opinions? does that not contribute in the richness of life? I'm not saying to forget your own, it's just to add variety on handling/thinking of a certain issue/event/etc.

Just points to ponder.

My current heart song

2009-04-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

Four in the Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Thoughts of the forever thinking thinker...

2009-04-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

If I could sum up today's experience in 3 sentences it would be...

Love lifts us up where we belong.

The experience was like daggers through the heart.

There is always a silver lining behind every dark cloud.

Ramble ramble ramble

2009-04-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

Here I am thinking to myself, life shouldn't be so complicated. People, nay, I like to complicate matters. I realize I love the misery it brings, it means I'm living. Or what? I remember my late mother saying to me that I would always love to do things the hard way, doing it or having it easy does not compel me.

It kinda shows up in my relationships too. I love the guys who are hard to get and I so easily give in to these kind of men while I pour my poor heart out into the hopes that this person will finally see the light of day and knowing all the while that this can never be because I decided to partner up with the ELUSIVE MAN.

I remember this friend of mine said, life shouldn't be complicated, it should be complexed, rich in its happenings and bountiful by the splendour which does not involve in burning a hole through one's pocket, or heart.

It's the little things in life that makes life worth living. The first time I saw this quote was from an Archie's digest. (Thanks to the aunties who had a love for books of all kinds). Even finding this quote from that digest is one of those little things in life, I was 8 back then. As I am writing all this down I am filled with the sweetness and innocence of this memory. Wow...Kinda feel like writing a poem right now...

My pen marks furiously at the blank pages that stare
right back at me
Mocking the idleness of my past
I question the purpose of my existence
Just to validate my worth

I sing, then mope then cry
When is this rollercoaster going to end??
I feel my heart wanting to sing
but it has forgot the notes to the key..

Waves of emotion strike me
In a blinding rage I try to give madness sense
Then I call on to the strength from within me
But it has failed me because..
The very strength that cures me
Is the very love that has left me....

Dang I don't know what I just rambled..

Something to think about?

2009-03-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like vomitting when I see that I haven't updated my blog for exactly a month I think lol

Well, I have no excuse except for lack of discipline and been busy doing nothing..

There has been a lot of things that have happened in my life as of recently. I don't know where to begin. One thing that I have learnt though is the power of creation. Yes really the power of creation. I don't mean to sound like all hoo-haa with all that ALL SUPREME BEING JAZZ but it's just as we as human being have the capacity to create.

Here is an example of how one can create. When you have a bad mood, and you come into contact with another person, let's say your boyfriend. :P (Humour me)

Well you carry with you the irritance and annoyance therefore your communication becomes such, of irritance and annoyance and the man starts to think what the hell is wrong with you or maybe he thinks he bought you the wrong type of tampon or pain killer to ease your PMS needs. (Not that you were having it at the time but you know, those mood swings that resemble PMSing)

He then becomes irritated and annoyed at how you are behaving therefore resulting in a ripple effect. Pity the soul who gets the end of that bargain but there you have it, creating irritance and annoyance.

On the flipside if all you had in your thoughts were love and abundance and joy, guess what happens? You do the math :) Not only you get plenty of hugs and shows of affection you also get
whatever it is you get :) but I promise you it would be of loving and tenderness of gesture :)

Make sure though that some of that tenderness and love come to you first before you go out in the open showering the world with love. Start from you first.

So I ask you now, what are you committed to create for yourself? What is it that you want to put in to your life and the people around you? :)

It's entirely up to you.

Why not politics?

2009-02-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

I've been asked why is it that I don't just venture into politics? I have the family background, I am somewhat outspoken (half the time I don't remember what I said anyways.. :P) and the fact that I have a lot of visionary ideas marks me as a person who is destined for a political spot.

With full truth and honesty I don't see this as my purpose in life. Yes I would love to be influential but in the medium of my choosing and that would be writing. That has always been a passion. I never doubted for a minute that I could one day write that life transforming book and send people to greater heights when achieving their hopes and dreams. It would be colourful I can imagine.

But coming back to politics, I have committed to live an ethical life, stick to my principles of honour and justice and not be subjugated to corruption. In the grand scheme of life I prefer a life that is harmonious and peaceful. There are more important things to think about than having to think about having tea with the Prime Minister. I'm not trying to downplay the importance of politics. I'd rather be in direct contribution than someone who is at the podium talking a lot of malarky and not living up to my promise as a leader.

There are more than one ways to demonstrate one's leadership capabilities and I know that for a fact because I am in the presence of greatness and honoured and privilleged to be a part of their journey for 80+ days more.

Now that's something worth being a leader for.

A clean house=Clear mind and everything else will fall into place.

2009-02-24T00:03:00.000-08:00

I never understood it at first. Why does my surroundings have to be clean in order for me to have a clear mind?

What motivated me to stop and take a look? Because I am on an important mission to have people grow in my space. Not in ways of inches sideways or upwards, but internal growth. Whether it would be rigor, confidence, courage etc, IF IT'S TO BE IT'S UP TO ME. And I've got 3 months to accomplish it.

Then I took an introspective look to myself. I noticed what was getting in the way was clean surroundings. I've gotten into the habit of hoarding stuff over the years and yea it doesn't work for me. This habit resulted in me getting a cluttered mind. In order for me and others WIN in life I had to get cleaning and now am cleaning! LOL... (Family and friends would be so proud of me lol)

When I started cleaning I realized that my brain was starting to work as well. A lot of unwanted information was in the background and the needed ones were in the foreground. It is uncomfortable and I find it hard to breathe. It's a good start!! When they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, to me that's just CRAP. Habits can be broken if you are committed to breaking out of it. It's just replacing the habit with a new one. Whatever your bad habit may be, just get committed to why you want to break out of it in the first place. Get plugged in and excited about practicing a new one.

If practiced rigorously for the next 45 days in your life (which scientifically is proven on how long it takes to have the new habit stick) it will be a new productive habit for you.

Good luck and have fun doing it!!

song writer's block

2009-01-25T19:18:00.001-08:00

I'm struggling to write the chorus to my song that I started working on 2 weeks back, then I thought, well why not find a title first? The problem there's no word strong enough to carry it (yea obsessive perfection I know) and well the inspiration was way back when I was on my "cooling off period". Now that things are hot again in the love department the feelings are stuck in the chest.

Not that I am complaining!!! I'll figure out some other alternative on getting inspired. Some parts of my soul is in this song! I just can't Webster-Merriem the title into existence. I wish I could. Ya Allah send me a muse. INSPIRE ME!!

I've been tossing and turning, the song is due by 2nd February, it's still in shambles and I've been at it ever since I said I was going to settle it. Don't get me wrong I have the passion and the drive but why is it taking such a long time to come to me?!

I think I just need some zen peace. Those kind of meditative states can really do wonders for a person. Especially those people like MOI who's in the *I'M STUCK* category. I was telling my friend it's like an orgasm that has been waiting for neons to come out. I know it sounds crude, but it's here in my heart now waiting to explode to a song. I can seriously feel it. Or I could just be delusional and that actually it's just gas.

Whstever it is, I need some kind of break.. a mental break. My poor mind is going through so much and wasting so much brain fuel it's not even funny. I guess it's the focus that I lack, I'm like this person who always jumps to the next best thing and end up not finishing what I started.

Not that I don't intend to finish it, I just am lacking the know how. Probably I need to hang around finishers to get the idea of a finished product. I need support and people to kick my butt when I'm like this. lol

Self-discipline would also work in times like this.

Do the declared.

Help........... *cries*

URGENCY in LOVE

2009-01-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

I googled love jones because I was thinking about him. Suddenly this quote popped out from the actual movie LOVE JONES (1997):-

Nina Mosley: You always want what you want when you want it. Why is everything so urgent with you?
Darius Lovehall: Let me tell you somethin'. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a motherfu*ker.

Another conversation that reminded me of urgency was the one I had with Buq, a good friend of mine. The way he puts it, it made me see urgency like a trigger that you need to constantly pull. Whatever pops into your head/gut, just do it. Because a past moment will never return, so is an idea, what I discovered by urgency I get full satisfaction of saying what I need to say and build up confidence as I go along.

I address my issues on the spot and I don't let my brain store any negative memories, I notice supressed angst or disatisfaction is like a poison that could contribute in sabotaging my relationships and in the end sabotage myself. Essentially, I use my time to the fullest and constantly be present. I am a person of action..

I'm always talking about not wasting energy, water, money and what nots, but what about time? isn't that a valuable commodity as well?

So that's what I do always now. Tell the people I love I love them everyday, coz I don't know when I get the chance to say it again and it's just not by saying I love you but by making a difrerence in their lives as well. When I think about it, communicating honestly and truthfully is the only way to go. No second guessing, hesitating, and of course being urgent about it...

Coz it is, urgent like a motherf*cker :)

Remember you don't have tomorrow..You only have today...this moment. What are you waiting for?

Karma.........what goes around comes around

2009-01-24T08:09:00.000-08:00

Karma?

the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)
Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

Source: http://www.ncf.ca/freenet/rootdir/menus/sigs/religion/buddhism/introduction/truths/karma2.html

Basically, what goes around comes back around.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Not that I’ve decided to switch religions or anything just taking some teachings. And! as a matter of fact thinking is all I ever do now. The past years of my existence on earth has got me doing a lot of that. Aimless drifting and according to some speculated observation by my beloved, he said that I haven’t been doing enough of making myself aware and alert of my surroundings. It has truth to it, and truth does hurt sometime.

Reflecting was a favourite past time of mine. Now when I think about it, it’s a necessity, something that should be done in a daily basis. The biggest thing that has come to mind is the word trials and tribulations. At times I think it’s my karma biting me in the ass that shit happens.

Yes and 99% of the time, it is. 1% would be things that happen (not a fact but my opinion) to you because God just wants to test you and all because He thinks of you and wants you to be closer to Him. And of course, karma or test that bites you on the tush isn’t a pleasant feeling at all. It’s painful. In Islam, illness, pain or anything of the sort is a way for one to wash away one’s sin (Dear God, based on how much it hurts, I must have really sinned). In addition, I think that pain is to have us appreciate the joy to come.

Another thing that I’ve remembered (I’m sorry I read this somewhere but forgot where I got it from) is that the God/universe/or whom/whatever has a way of educating us, before we’re prepared for the next level, and until then, before we learn from the previous pain, we will always go through the same exact cycle of pain before we advance. I mean, I remember going through this an eon ago when I broke up with someone I loved. But it didn’t really stick because I didn’t really love him that much. So guess what? In order for memory retention the pain is heightened at this break up for me. And why I remember better? Well, you do the math. The variables are all here.
Kind of makes you want to pay attention to life doesn’t it?

Come to think of it, better pay now than later. And I guess God is helping me achieve that. Funnily enough, I feel very blessed at this point of time, 7:37 am to be exact. Why the urgency in self discovery? I’m not getting any younger and all this while I’ve been sculpting myself to fit what society wants me to be until I forget who I am. So there’s a lot of catching up to do. 28 years to be exact. I kind of want to know who I am before I get married.

One scares me the most is this information I got from Oprah that said that whatever we have as adults, as parents, we pass it on to our kids, regardless of how we hide it, the insecurities, the self-esteem issues, ALL OF IT. Wow not only we pass our bad genes that by the power of interracial marriages can be eliminated, we can also pass on our negative vibes. MY GOD. Isn’t that educational? I think I have gone through enough to not pass it on to my children.

ENLIGHTENING! Fearfully enlightening! LOL in the flipside I also started doing some work with people on getting them to where they want to go in life. Suddenly my life started changing for me. I am happy that it has.

Guess what, we’re back together too. I’m super grateful. I learnt that to get back for yourself you need to give some or all to others as well. *bliss* Oprah said this too. Here here for Oprah!

Profane or profound.........

2009-01-23T14:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since this post was supposed to be published so hopefully my mind serves me in recalling the night of 23rd January 2009.

I was from some pro-bono work I was doing, filled to the brim after having a late supper with Hejaz and Rafi, then later joined by Abs, Alia and Zin (names changed to protect the innocent). Hanging out brings many an insight and also some laughter, something I haven't had for ages at that time, given the fact that I was in a somewhat self-mending period.

Then Abs was telling us how she would always attract men that would only want her for bodily pleasure, if you get what I mean. Then Zin said or rather asked something that really was jaw dropping.

What goes through your mind when you look at men?

Then Abs went on about how sexy they were and basically their physique was the first thing that appealed to her.

So it was about sexual attractiveness? Did you see something beyond that was attractive about that guy?

I noticed she was kinda getting where Zin was going and before she answered (to my recollection!) Zin said...

You know, we're energy. People are energy. You are like a magnet that attracts what kind of frame of mind you are at the time. So it's really crucial that your state of mind has to reflect the kind of person you want to attract in order to find your SOULMATE.

In all my years of coaching and reading self help books it never dawned upon me to think like this. Well usually I do but on a theoretical level. Not something that I was rigorously catching myself with. I knew at one point I was sourcing for the love supreme and yet I have the tendency to think of whether I had chemistry with the other person before I went into a relationship.

And that was always first, they had to fit a certain physical template in order to pass my relationship requirements. And not to mention the ooohs and aaahs when someone hot passes by. No wonder I get annoying men that do the same.

But do you get where I'm getting at? it's about you changing the way you think about a person. I mean by all means if sexual attraction is all that you're looking for then by all means go for it because that's what you will end up with in the end but if it's commitment and a loving relationship that you desire then you better shift the way you think and feel about people.

It's also stated in the Quran Al-Ghashiyah...Something about partners and the point was that you are who you attract. Good with good, evil with evil. Again another opportunity for you to make a conscious choice, good or evil. What's it gonna be?

I remember a friend of mine once told me, in order for something to happen you need to be in CREATION. You can't sit idly and wait for the moon and sun to fall on your lap. You have the power to change your destiny. So you want love CREATE it, BE it.

For instance if you want openness in your relationship, you have to first BE open. Say whatever you need to say and just take that risk. It never hurts to tell the truth, because at the end of the day that's what serves the relationship, and I'm assuming that is what you would want in return?

Just take it as how Confuscious says it, Treat others how you want yourself to be treated.

Have fun and explore this. Discover new things about yourself. You never know unless you try. Never stop risking, they may say agree to you and they may not. Don't give up. It's just the Universe or whoever superior being you pray to is working on towards giving you the best out of life. Don't sell out on yourself and be complacent.

Good luck.

change...........?

2009-01-22T23:01:00.000-08:00

I just realized that the date says that it has been 8 months since I’ve come to known and loved MMS. I’ve learnt so much being away from him. My eyes are clearer now than they have ever been, I’m the type, who would try to pry away myself from feelings like this, always wanting to be in control, COMFORTABLE to be in solitude. I guess this guy has grown on me.

I even kept justifying the fact saying that probably it’s because of superficial reasons that made me stick to him. But when I think of it or rather allow myself to feel it, I was in love. (crap…). Never have I felt so weak and empowered to change everything at the same time.

When we broke up for the second time believe you me I hated him with a passion, but I also loved him with all my heart at the same time. Crying, begging, asking for God’s forgiveness. Everything under the sun, I was almost willing to sell my soul to the devil for RM 1. I can imagine the devil turning me away and say “Idiot you think with the recession my services so cheap?! I wouldn’t even be able to buy nasi lemak.”

Can you believe how insane that is? I’m living proof that LOVE CAN DRIVE YOU MAD.

Actually the madness stems from not seeing how I wasn’t shifting on dealing with the situation, doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is equivalent to insanity. When I didn’t get my way it’s either I would throw a mad woman fit or I would press harder. He would always say, “Please try to know me baby and use other ways of communicating to me.” I’m like, okay but as Ari the insane would go I would squeeze his balls till they turn blue instead (in a metaphorical sense that is), hence the break up.

In a more tactile sense just imagine forcing you trying to fit into something 5 times smaller than your size, wearing it for 6 months, you’d wear this size everywhere you went, experience the feeling of wearing these clothes when you’re full from eating a feast, get the picture?

Anyways, my point is, sit down and try to see where in your life you’re repeating the same mistakes? Relationships? Career? Personal achievements? Are you working in a dead end job but still working because you HAVE TO? Forcing someone to change to suit YOUR NEEDS? A reason behind divorces, breaking up, and unsatisfied, passionless people is because of doing the same thing expecting something different to happen.

I dare you to do something different this time around. I did, and I got him back. *smiles* (woot me!).

Half empty or half full??

2009-01-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

I wrote this a couple of weeks back but I never got about finishing it. Thank God angels were sent to my direction to put some order back into my life!! BOOYAHH for my peoples…

Have you ever gone through a Jekyll and Hyde post relationship craziness? I don’t know what this thing is called but I seem to be going through that right now. It’s not denial, I know it’s over, but there’s this little ray of hope that I could better next time, passion, vigour and all that beautiful happy ending love story that happens in the movies kind of thing and more… and there’s also this thunder strike that wants to severe bonds and just pretend the whole 6 months never existed. Kind of like our computers with system restore, back date a bit and voila! Pain is gone. Just have to remember to write a post-it-note and say do not go here on this day. Or something that says “DON’T GO AND TALK TO THE BOTAK WITH GLASSES HEARTHROB THAT IS LEANING AGAINST THE PILLAR AT UNIVERSITY FOO!! Potential heartbreaker!!” You catch my drift right?

Well if it was only that simple. I’m stuck with a deep fryer for a skull that is incinerating the few brain cells that I have left. When this happens, Mimie always says to me, don’t think too much buddy please. All is fair in love and war but psychoanalyzing myself isn’t giving me much help either. I refuse a trip to the psychiatrist or any of the sort because I don’t want to be prescribed with medication that claims to cure my temporary loonies and grant me VIP ticket to Tanjung Rambutan (very prominent mental facility in Malaysia, my my won’t my dad have a picnic). Therefore I have decided to lock away my mental discrepancy to a later date. Where the hell was I when Cupid was shooting his arrows? He kind of missed me and I’m missing out on the love department, that’s what I feel.

Things like this happen because God is throwing you lemons (I was thinking, is this a lemon or a MELON? Coz it sure hurts like hell!). Anyways, the point is to not be in resistance to one’s feelings, if I feel love then feel it, given this situation, what am I going to do about it? Just force myself to UNLOVE or GIVE LOVE? The ball was in my court and I choose to LOVE. I felt a sense of relief that I accepted my feelings, as opposed to resisting. Now it’s just to go for love 100% and hope to God it works. FACE UP (TRUTHFULLY NOW!) so you know what you’re dealing with, then think of your next plan of action. FUHHHHHHHH!...

ONE DRAMA OUT OF THE WAY…………………!

I was talking to my bestie (best friend) on a cup of Joe about love and her thoughts were, that no one can have it all. Here we were in our late 20s, successful, beautiful people and yet our relationships, either doesn’t work or is non existent. . Why the heck so? She said that nobody can have it all. I think that nobody can have enough if they really think about the glory and abundance that God gives us. We are what we believe to be at the end of the day.

Focus on scarcity, then things (career, relationships, health..etc) become scarce, focus on abundance, then things become abundant. For how long more do you want to condemn yourself to not be grateful for the things that you do have rather than focus on what you don’t have? By coming from abundance you get more things your way. Just try it out. Ask yourself one thing, has operating from scarcity given you more pay cheques or more debt? Better relationships or worst relationships? How long have you been in this vicious cycle? Scarcity is honestly a horrible thing to believe in, so why don’t you believe in abundance?

Like the saying, is the cup half empty (scarcity), or half full (abundance)? Is this the end of my love or just the beginning? There’s always a choice on how we want to look at our lives. People who are up there and successful have mastered one thing, the art of believing in abundance. The think it so much it becomes innate in them. You’ve heard of a lot of people who went bankrupt and were never to be heard from again. And everyone knows very well about the people who went rock bottom, only to sky rocket the next time we hear about them.

So, half empty or half full? To disbelieve or to believe, that is the question. You can choose. I’m choosing the latter. My cup runneth over…

You know what to do.

What is love?

2008-12-27T01:50:00.000-08:00

I asked a good friend of mind who was gracious and very generous to share with me what love is...and how to know whether it is...LOVE.. and this is what he said:-

its more than instincts, that's just one sense. its more like when all yr senses centre on the same subject matter, u see it, smell it, touch it, hear it, even taste it, and all senses go in harmony and feel right abt it, ..

some people say that's when u r in seventh heaven.

-end-

It's one of those miracles that is hard to fathom. And yet no matter how hard you try to avoid it, it just keeps coming. Some people keep a blind eye to it for fear that it would hurt them. It reminds me of another wise man's saying...Some people are more afraid to hurt than to love.

When I think about it, yea what is hurt when the end result is true happiness? No one in the world gets something right the one time, some takes shorter time, others take longer.

You know when you just found the right one. After years of half believing, this time around I believe that I will know it when I see it. And this time around, I will harness all that I am to get to where I want to go.

All that I have, I give to you..Everything I give to you... My heart and my all...

Law of Attraction - Attracting Positives Breaking the Habit of Attracting Negatives By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com

2008-12-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

me: Here's something for the New Year guys, have fun and enjoy and LIVE YOUR LIFE! =)

There is a trick to the Law of Attraction. This trick is not really as magical as one might imagine. We attract the things that we focus on. When we focus on not having enough that thought form supports the "lack of" we routinely experience.

We are forever reminded to use affirmations and to keep our thoughts positive but Feeling Sorry for Myself continues to be the mantra of many people.

Sick of the n'ts in Your Vocabulary?

We are bombarded with repetitive negative phrases in our thinking such as I just can't get ahead, I couldn't dodge the bullet, I won't be the winner, I don't have enough, etc. etc. Are you guilty of continuously repeating negatives either in thoughts or words? Is your negative mind set pretty much representative of your current life situation? If your answer is YES, then Congratulations! You are living proof that the law of attraction works. You are a champion at attracting negatives.

Breaking the Habit of Attracting Negatives

Why do we focus on our illnesses, our low-paying jobs, and our less than fulfilling relationships? We do so out of habit. Breaking the "attracting negatives" habit, just like any other bad habit will take some effort on your part. Especially so, if you have been dwelling on the negatives for years. Your parents might have taught you this behavior by being the role model of "criticism" or "negative language." If this is so, then they are likely mirroring behavior they learned from their parents, and so on back through the generations. Isn't it time to break this negative cycle?.... urr rather, in postitive terms -- IT IS time to break the cycle.

I too struggle with "negatives" in my life. I sometimes think Worry Wart has taken up permanent lodging in my guest room. I should say "unwelcome" guest room. Unwelcome guests in your life may be Unlucky Lucy, Loser Larry or Barb Bites. I'm certain you can name others. But let's not! Let's turn our negatives into positives and begin attracting welcome guests such as Lucky Lonnie, Smart Sam, and Happy Harriet. A simple way that you can put materializing positives into motion is to busy your hands with creating positive images for your eyes/mind to focus on.

Attracting Positives

Several years ago I created my first manifesting scrapbook. I filled the pages with affirmations and clippings of pictures that depicited the things that I wished to have materialize into my life. I spent about a week creating the various pages in the book. Then I put the book away on my bookshelf and basically forgot about it. About six months later my daughter gave me a butterfly wind chime on my birthday. Another friend of mine stopped by with an angel candle holder. Neither my friend, nor my daughter knew about my manifestation book. I had never told my daughter that I wanted a new wind chime for our back portch, let alone that I had pasted a similar butterfly wind chime in my wish book. But, sure enough, both items (wind chime and angel) were pasted in the scrapbook. The items were not exactly the same but pretty darn close. Amazing. That's when I started pasting more and more stuff that I wanted into my manifesting scrapbook.

Creating Your Own Manifesting Scrapbook

The instructions for creating your very own manifesting book are very basic. Choose affirmative words and colorful pictures clipped from magazines. Your words and images will tell stories about what you cherish most about your life. You will also want to include the things which you wish to attract into your life. Create as many pages as you like in your manifestation scrapbook. Be sure to include photos of friends, pets, and family. Supplies needed are simple: scissors, paper, glue, magazine clippings, and favorite photos. This art project is a fun way to focus on the things that bring you joy, wellness, prosperity, and more. View sample pages for your manifesting picture book.

SOURCE: http://healing.about.com/od/positivethought/a/attractpositive.htm

Miracles right at your fingertips

2008-12-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

I can't talk enough about this guy and his contribution to the world of metaphysics and science.

He gives a very practical approach to the LOGIC or rather FORMULA of living in order for us to experience miracles in our daily lives. It's soooooooooooooooooooooo awesome I watched it 3 times!! =) UBER INSIGHTFUL!

Let me stop my yap because I don't want to spoil your fun.

Please take some time and watch and learn because the insight is invaluable.

By the way, there's 7 parts to the video so make sure you have enough time to enjoy it uninterrupted =)

ENJOY !!~

2009

2008-12-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

170th post and what do I want to talk about?

As the 2009 looms, leaving 7 days to 2008, there are so many things that LIFE gave me through out this year. NEW FRIENDS, NEW EXPERIENCES, AND LOVE. 2008 was not much of a career year for me, rather a year of reflection and thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life, it was for me to take a pit stop and really LOOK at, what I wanted to accomplish, my legacy.

I went on to reflect about how my relationships were with my family, my friends, and myself. It dawned upon me that as I thought I knew a lot there is to know about life, there was so much more to learn. Keeping humble about knowledge was so not my cup of tea until the recent turn of events that I shall conceal to myself.

When I went through it, I thought my whole world was going to fall apart, but I had my angels in the form of my nieces, friends whom I've grown to call my family, that supported me with whatever I wanted to do.

Given the time of reflection I have, one thing that I fared out of this year was the importance of keeping a positive mental image. I acknowledged I slacked in that area that matters most (health of mind) and now I have to pay for the consequences. And to top it off I was really carrying emotional baggage that I thought I have already handled. One cannot depend on another to fill the void, whatever void it may be. It's up to me really if I want change to happen.

I've also learnt to listen to what I want, take a step back and THINK about what matters to me. My hopes, aspirations and dreams. To really LISTEN instead of getting sucked into the ideal image of what I am supposed to be.

I'm taking a time off from delusional behaviour, and go soul searching....

wish me luck.

2009 is where dreams come true.

All of it.

Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore

2008-12-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

For those people who are struggling in relationships, don't give up so fast, listen to this song and make things matter between the both of you. :) You give up on love, you give up on life. My MOTTO...Sad this I wasn't the one who gave up :P

"Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore"
(BON JOVI feat. LeAnn Rimes)

It might be hard to be lovers
But it's harder to be friends
Baby, pull down the covers
It's time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I'll just go ahead and lock the door
If you just talk to me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

Lay your head on my pillow
I sit beside you on the bed
Don't you think its time we say
Some things we haven't said
It ain't too late to get back to that place
Back to where, we thought it was before
Why don't you look at me
Till we ain't strangers anymore

Sometimes it's hard to love me
Sometimes it's hard to love you too
I know it's hard believing
That love can pull us through
It would be so easy
To live your life

With one foot out the door
Just hold me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

[Solo]

It's hard to find forgiveness
When we just turn out the light
It's hard to say you're sorry
When you can't tell wrong from right
It would be so easy
To spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score
So let's get down to it baby
There ain't no need to lie

Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes
Lets put our two hearts back together
And we'll leave the broken pieces on the floor
Make love with me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

We're not strangers anymore
We're not strangers
We're not strangers anymore

What's on my mind in the AM

2008-12-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

I don't think anyone could ever understand the pains of losing one's mother. I know some talk about not being able to be close to her, but I rather have that than losing her forever, but when I think about it it's not forever, it's just for awhile. I'm glad for my mortality.

The awareness of my mortality has given me the urgency to have changes in my life. DRASTIC changes...

To have a scholarship named after her...and to be rich enough to be able to give one out...

In memory of her. Of how important the pursuit of knowledge was. When I think about how many people in the world who would die to have such an opportunity to have their future changed by some help, it drives me even more to have this cause become a reality. And remembering that books were more important than Barbie Dolls.

Books were and still are my toys. A way to travel out of my space into the lives of others, experiences and places. Wouldn't it be good to instill these values to our future generation? Passion for books?

I know it sounds passe, but has any changes happened in the last decade? So busy with video games and computers, that no one enjoys a good book nowadays. Maybe I like the smell of newly printed pages, the feel of turning the page against my fingers, the discovery of words and best of all, different ways of expressing one's feelings and figuring out a way on how to get the person to open up. I've been told I had a problem with doing that. :P

Anyways, maybe I'm old fashioned, but then again it could be a grand idea to merge passion for books with technology...besides e-books, what could be next? something interactive that we all could enjoy and really immerse ourselves into the characters, story, information etc...

Instead of just seeing a graph it shows someone explaining the graph to you until you get it and some questions included so that you can practice =)...

Imagine having this kind of technology on your mobile...Studying on the go. And affordable to the general public. You wouldn't have to lug your laptop everywhere you go.

K-Mobile..Knowledge mobile? something to give a serious think about...

This could be the idea God wanted me to produce, given the fact that he let me be in relationship 3 people from telecommunications (all not working!), maybe now he can give me a lawyer or a doctor or something... :P psychologist perhaps....help me heal the scarring lolol...

Anyways I just needed to vent. And suddenly this idea pops up. Who knows what'll happen...

MEH

Manifest Your Mate!

2008-12-14T11:34:00.000-08:00

I personally loved this read. It's really a practical way of getting to know who you are as a person and finding out who you want to be in your life! It gets me excited every time I read it and the probabilities of hooking up with someone who is your perfect other half is higher!

Have fun reading...!!

-Manifest Your Mate!-

Finding the love of your life can be a daunting challenge these days, without having a little help! Most of us on a conscious path are relatively happy and content with our lives; however, having a loving spiritual partnership with a person who enhances our life gives us the opportunity to grow and thrive in a deep, spiritual love, making life more enjoyable!

Here are my tried and true steps for manifesting your life partner:

Get Love: It all starts with YOU. When you love yourself unconditionally, you create loving energy towards yourself which draws loving energy in your direction. To help you get to an unconditionally loving place, treat yourself to a brief meditation of self love every morning and every night (and more throughout the day if you can!): Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, get centered and relaxed. Once you are in a meditative state, feel your connection with Divine Energy and know that you are part of the Divine. Know that you are worthy of being, doing and having whatever you desire. Know that you deserve to be loved unconditionally. Feel grateful, joyful and in love with yourself. Do this everyday for at least 5 minutes when you first wake in the morning and every night before bed. Appreciate and love yourself throughout the day. Take a few breaths and think “I love me! I deserve love in my life!” and feel the total acceptance and love for yourself. When you love yourself, you will attract others who also love you.

Get Clear: When using the techniques of manifestation, be very clear and very specific about who you would like to draw into your life. In my consulting business I met a man who had been using a traditional, mainstream online dating site. He had been corresponding by email with an intelligent, funny, interesting woman for over 3 months. (Note: if someone does not want to meet you in person within the first week, consider this a major red flag!). Finally, the big day came…they were finally going to meet in person! He told me how excited he was to meet this wonderful woman face to face. That day, he received an astonishing email from her saying, “Ha ha, I’m a guy!” So, when I say be clear and specific, I mean be clear and specific!

· To get clear, write two brief “stories”. First, describe your ideal mate as if he/she already exists in your life. Have some fun with it and be sure to include as many details as possible. Write your story as if he/she is already in your life. Include his/her personality traits and qualities, beliefs, values and lifestyle. Make sure to include gender, sexual preference, smoking, drinking, spirituality, kids, political views, level of consciousness/social/environmental awareness and anything that is important to you. For example: “My husband is the most incredible, intelligent, kind, funny, friendly, environmentally conscious, spiritual man I have ever met. I feel so appreciated, loved, and respected by him. His down-to-earth, genuine realness and huge heart always make me smile—he helps keep me grounded! He brings out my playful, youthful spirit and makes me laugh till it hurts! Our spiritual bond is incredible and we have the most powerful, deep meditations and tantric love experiences ever. We inspire each other to be better people and to take great care of our bodies by eating healthy foods and exercising everyday…..”
· Second, get your creative juices flowing and write a story describing your “ideal day” with your ideal mate. Do this in the present tense, as if it’s occurring as you write. Make it multi-sensory and live it up! Include where you are living, and how you will feel. For example: “I wake up in the morning and feel the tropical breeze on my face, smell the gardenias in the air and hear the peaceful sound of the ocean waves outside our balcony door. I roll over and smile at my husband. His eyes light up as he hugs me and tells me how much he loves me. My heart swells with joy and gratitude, feeling so content and so in love! We get out of bed and eat some papayas and mangos for breakfast, enjoy a deep meditation and then go for a swim in the ocean with the dolphins that frequent the cove we live on…etc....” Go through your whole ideal day like this and you will not only be manifesting your ideal mate, you will also be creating your ideal life!

Get Real: It’s time to throw Barbie and Ken in the trash and GET REAL! When you are describing your ideal mate, let things that are not very important go! If you are a woman, and you prefer a taller partner, be open to meeting someone shorter (there are a lot of incredible not-so-tall-men out there!). If you are man and you want a perfectly slender/thin woman, instead, imagine your mate active, energetic and fit. Let the specific body type go. Chemistry is a funny thing and comes in all shapes and sizes! If you prefer younger or older, know that age is extremely relative. Be open to dating outside your race too. There are many things that are more important to a loving relationship than age, race, height or weight, like children, spirituality and lifestyle. The most important thing is; how does the other person make you feel?

Get Grateful: Now let’s energize your stories! Read your description of your ideal mate out loud. Imagine that he/she is ALREADY in your life and FEEL grateful, joyful, and in love! Amp up these feelings as much as you can! Then, read your “ideal day” story out loud and feel even more joy and gratitude for the beautiful life you have created together. Now, let it go and whenever you think about it, imagine the wonderful life you have together and know that it’s done. Feel grateful every time you think about it. To successfully manifest, you must be confident. Any feelings of doubt or skepticism will slow down the process or even reverse it. Stay in your power by keeping the feelings of gratitude pumped up! Know you deserve a loving, spiritual relationship and get ready to meet your ideal mate!

Get Busy: This last step is critical in manifesting your mate! TAKE ACTION! Put yourself in situations where you can meet other eligible singles. Start dating and get the energy flowing. Be open to meeting/dating a variety of people “looks-wise”----remember, chemistry is a funny thing! Joining an online spiritual dating site will help you get started. By joining a spiritual dating site, you eliminate the tiresome process of weeding through thousands of people who are not serious and don’t have the basic spiritual beliefs and values that you have. Put yourself in the best, targeted “pool” of conscious singles possible! Once a member, use your intuition and let Divine Energy guide you towards whom you should contact. Be pro-active and initiate contact! When dating and meeting new prospects, be authentic and real. Chris Rock jokes about singles “sending their representatives” on dates. Leave your representative at home and trust that the Divine love you feel for yourself will be reciprocated by the right person. Just relax, be yourself, have fun and enjoy the process. Continue to feel grateful in advance and watch the sparks fly! Here’s to you and may you manifest your mate easily, joyfully and powerfully!

Authors Details: Jill Crosby Web Site

Source: http://www.spiritual.com.au/articles/relationships/manifest-your-mate.html

Giving Yourself Alone Time

2008-12-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

I found that this post brought value and sense of direction to my somewhat cluttered mind. Thank God again for this blessing. =)

Alone Time In A Busy World

In today’s busy world filled with all sorts of flashy things, it’s quite easy to get distracted. You get up in the morning and an alarm clock greets you with a series of loud beeping sounds. You check your email and 42 spam emails pop up and ask you if you’d like some viagra. You microwave a sandwich and an annoying flashing clock reminds you that it’s time for work. You buy a sandwich and all sorts of signs and cardboard thingys hanging from the ceiling tell you that you probably want a drink with that. You go to sleep and the buzzing of your fridge reminds you that there’s stuff to be eaten in there.

It seems like everywhere you look, there’s something yelling “Do Me!!”, “Buy Me!!”, “Look At Me!!”, etc.

The Unanticipated Alone Time

Usually, this effect isn’t even noticed. We kind of tune out all this stuff and barely notice that it’s there. However, a recent even made me realize that they do have their effects.

The last two days, Pacific Gas & Electric had the good sense to remind me that I had forgotten to pay my electric bill - by turning my electricity off. It resulted in a day without electricity, but eventually a little adrian monk got my power turned back on. The surprising is that while my power was off, I felt completely unstressed and relaxed.

There’s no whirling of my computer fans when I’m sleeping. There’s no buzzing of my fridge. There’s no clocks to tell me that it’s time to do something. In fact, since it was night time, there wasn’t even any light to show me the stuff in my room. There’s just me.

Clarity In My Alone Time

In this peaceful state, I found it very easy to focus my thoughts on the things I wanted. I thought about doing a good job at work and making my boss proud. I thought about the large, happy family that I’m going to have some day. I thought about the billion dollars I’m going to make in the next 30 or 40 years. I thought about the great problems I’m going to solve with those resources and the example that I would set for future generations.

These are thoughts that would not have flowed so naturally if there had been all kinds of distractions around.

Why Have Alone Time?

This experience made me realize that it is extremely important to have alone time. With so many distractions around us all the time, it’s very important that we know what we want. Otherwise, we get into the habit of going where these distractions tell us to go, without thinking about it. They suck up your time from the things you want the most, without you even realizing it.

You can’t be thinking about helping your family when you’re deciding if you want large fries with your drink. You can’t be thinking of buying your wife a flower when you’re thinking about being late to work. You can’t be thinking about your purpose in life when you’re trying to figure out what someone else is saying.

Just try it once. Turn everything off. Sit around for a while. Are you a different person in the dark?

Being alone really allows you to find out who you are as a person. Who are you when there is nobody around? What do you want to do? There’s nobody to impress, no approval to gain, no work to be done, no schedules to be followed. At this moment, there is just you. What do you want?

Having alone time allows you to re-experience being this person. You can really think about whether the things you are doing during the day are truly the things you’d like to be doing. It allows you to focus on your needs and wants without the distracting input of other people and devices. You get to think about how you are becoming (or not becoming) the person you want to be and have time to make the necessary adjustments for the next day.

Scheduling Your Alone Time In

This is clearly a pretty important process. After all, how do you know you’re doing the things you’re doing because you want to and not because someone else wants you to? Don’t you deserve to do the things you want?

Make a resolution now to take some time out every once in a while and go somewhere without distractions to reflect. Think about what you want and make sure that you are doing them. After all, you only have one life to live!

Source: http://www.whatithinkabout.com/giving-yourself-alone-time/

One of those crazy days.

2008-12-06T11:38:00.000-08:00

I seem to lose myself yet again in the turbulent seas that I come to know as love. Optimistically, I tell myself that love is there for me, that he loves me, but in this current circumstance it is easier said than done, to be optimistic that is.

What a headache! my heart's pounding and yet I feel lethargic. I kind of like my temporary immobility..Gives me reflection time.

Drowning my thoughts of ending my relationship with the song Dangerously in Love, I imagined myself committing suicide, slitting my wrists and stabbing myself with the IKEA blue scissors I just got, what class, killed by an IKEA product. They could never live that one down.

When my visions included blood on my floors I started to freak out and calm myself down. I began reciting some verses from the Quran to bring me out from these blues, zikr (Ya Allah and Astaghfirullahalngazim - God forgive me) and ayat Kursi (Fig. 1) and it made me start thinking that, what am I doing such that this is my result? I'm glad that in life there is always a formula to things, to gaining happiness, and PRAISE GOD!

Fig. 1 Ayat Kursi

I decided to google and search for tips to love oneself. I may have done an entry like this before but who the hell cares. Enjoy reading people...

Tips For How To Love Yourself

by C. Rainfield

Learning to love yourself isn't easy -- especially if you're a survivor of childhood abuse or neglect. But there are things you can do to boost your self-love.

Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So -- ask other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before you can value them in youself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don't believe that someone can like a particular thing about you, or you don't believe it exists, trust that your friend does see it and value it.

When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.

Make a list of the things you like about yourself.

Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Modesty doesn't help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you're having trouble finding things you value about yourself, think about the things you value and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often, they do.

Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as beautiful as you can -- make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Then open it up and look at it any time you're feeling down or critical about yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of yourself.

Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of the impact one critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about yourself that s/he can hold on to.)

Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love ourselves, we're happier and more true to our own selves...and that happiness and ability to be free spreads to others.

So...try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did today that made you or someone else feel good -- no matter how small it may seem. Give yourself the kind of warm praise that you would a friend.

Love yourself like a friend

Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you-- a friend, a lover. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.

Now turn it around the other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, the love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel the warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.

Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.

Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of "good things about me." Decorate the container however you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost -- and even when you don't feel like you do.

Have compassion for yourself.

If you're feeling really judgemental about something you've done or said, try to understand where the judgement is coming from. Not the immediate, surface answer, but an answer deep down inside you. Are you afraid of something, or are you feeling insecure? Do you think you did something "wrong," or are you hearing the judgement of a voice from your past? Try to connect to that little kid inside of you who's feeling that way, and really listen to how s/he's feeling. Hug and reassure that kid, and let her/him know that s/he didn't do anything wrong, and that you love her/him.

You can also think of a friend having acted as you did. Imagine how you'd feel towards them -- how you'd still love them and readily forgive them if there was anything to forgive. You probably wouldn't even find it bothersome! Try to feel that same love and compassion for yourself.

Recognize that the love has to come from you.

If you're a survivor of child abuse or come from a dysfunctional family, you may still be waiting for a parent to give you the love and acceptance you never got as a child. But the kind of love you need (or needed as a child) probably isn't going to come from a parent who abused you or who looked the other way while you were being abused. But it can come from yourself.

It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have the courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

So try to connect to that little child inside, that child who deserves all of your love and acceptance.

Use Affirmations

I know, I know, this sounds corny. But if you hear good things about yourself over and over, you can't help but have some of it sink in.

Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are:

"I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness,"
"I am a very loveable person,"
"I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (or subsitute the words for loving words that you feel best suit you.

Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favourite chair, on the kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them.

If you're not comfortable having them up in such public places, then write out a bunch of them (or copies of a few) and put them in places you'll find them -- in your jacket or jeans pocket, in a book you're reading or a favourite book, in your desk drawer, in with your clothes. They're little love notes to yourself. In fact, you may want to do both things -- have them up and also hidden in places where you'll find them.

When you read an affirmation, read it slowly, and really let yourself feel it. Don't just say it by rote. Try to let yourself be there as fully as you can.

Recognize Self-Critical Messages -- and Talk to Them

It's easy to let old, critical voices and messages that we heard as a child play over and over in our minds, without stopping them. Often we may barely recognize that they are there, or we don't really listen to them, we've heard them so often -- but they continue to impact how we feel and think about ourselves.

Try noticing next time you hear a small (or very loud) voice inside your head criticize you. Be aware of what it is saying to you, and try to talk to it. Ask it why it feels it needs to say those things. Is that part of you trying to protect you, in some child-like logic? Or perhaps that part of you felt it had to take on the messages you heard as a kid. Remind that part of you that you no longer need to do that to survive. You are free to make up your own mind about yourself.

Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself

Write down all the negative or critical thoughts and messages you hear inside your head. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make the counter messages as strong and loving as you can.

If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself.

Do Comforting and Nurturing Things For Yourself

Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that the more nurturing and comforting times you have, the more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.

Ask Yourself What You Need to Do

Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear the answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you.

Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself. :)

© C. Rainfield, 2001

I guess I live to write on my blog another day.

I'm wrong

2008-11-12T23:34:00.000-08:00

I'M WRONG

We grow only when we place greater importance on healing a relationship than defending our position. Understanding that everyone errs in life takes the sting out of being wrong. Admitting we are is the only way to truly heal the hurt we may have caused others. Without it, people tend to bear a grudge and develop wounds that may never fully heal.

Ten Powerful Phrases for Positive People by Rich De Vos.

I've been wrecking my brains out trying to figure out how I can improve my relationships with people around me and I want to know how to heal it and there is this saying that when the student is ready, the teacher shall appear.

So, I found a teacher of this book. Coming from the receiving line of an I'm wrong statement would make things so much better.

Nobody likes to be wrong. But there are worst things that could happen if you always want to be right. You close all other methods of doing things and handling situations. You close the door to creativity because you are being rigid of how things should be done or should happen. On top of that you offend people, and dangerously, you offend the people you love.

Just made me realize how I've been working in my own relationship. It's either I want to be right or the other party as opposed to just sitting down making things work AND minus the ego struggle.

Hopefully this will move you to make a purchase.

:)

For my special someone

2008-11-11T03:09:00.000-08:00

This is a very touching piece, I'd honestly say something that expresses 70% of my feelings for my loved one. lol But yea it still comes close. Enjoy.

Your touch is with me always,
It’s burnt into my skin,
As soft and warm as sun rays
When a summer day sets in.

Your soft voice never silent,
It’s forever in my ears,
Serenading every moment
And calming all my fears.

Your arms always enfold me,
The strength of angels wings,
They support and protect me wholly
With the safety a true love brings.

While I can never repay you,
For the wonder you bring to my life,
I can forever be true,
And forever be a true wife.

Nicola May Tucker

Audrey Hepburn Beauty Tips

2008-11-10T21:22:00.001-08:00

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn
wrote when asked to share her "Beauty Tips."
Years later, it was read at her funeral.

For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,
seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,
share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,
let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,
walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Have a chips addiction but just couldn't quit?

2008-11-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

Fried lizard allegedly found in branded chips packet

Saturday, August 09, 2008
By Shahid Husain

KARACHI: The Consumer Association of Pakistan (CAP) has received a complaint from Ashfaq Agha, a senior official, who says he was shocked to find a fried lizard in a pack of imported chips, but was lucky he did not consume it.

In a letter sent to Kaukab Iqbal, Chairman CAP, on July 26, a copy of which is available with The News, Agha said he purchased two packets of chips on June 18 from a well-known super market at Clifton marked with a famous American brand claiming the pack contained “naturally baked Tortilla chips, hygienically fit, export quality and made in USA” and found a “small fried lizard” in one of the packs.

“As a consumer I would like to lodge my complaint against the seller, importer and manufacturer of the product. Therefore, as chairman of the Consumer Association of Pakistan, I would request (you) to help me in this regard as a social and public responsibility to protect my rights and take necessary action against the concerned management on an appropriate forum,” Agha said in his letter.

Talking to The News, Iqbal said he was sending a notice to the super store and would also lodge a complaint with the US Consulate in Karachi. But there are slim chances that Ashfaq Agha would be able to get any relief because the Sindh government has not been able to establish consumer courts as yet, despite the fact that the Consumer Act was drafted as early as 1994 and consumer courts are already successfully functioning in Punjab.

“It was during the Benazir Bhutto government in 1994 that I and my dear friend (late) P K Shahani drafted the Consumer Act. It was enforced in Islamabad and its copies were sent to all the provinces,” Iqbal Haider, a former law minister and general secretary, Human Rights Commission of Pakistan (HRCP) said. The Sindh Governor, Dr Ishrat Ul Ebad Khan, promulgated the “Consumers Protection Ordinance 2007” on February 15, 2007 which was to come into force “at once”.

The ordinance that needed to be ratified by the Sindh Assembly within 90 days lapsed and nobody could say with certainty when it would become a law, enabling consumer courts to function as they are functioning in Punjab. The ordinance stated that every person, businessman, trader, manufacturer, supplier, as the case may be, shall comply with market standards in respect to any particular goods or service, if any. They should also ensure that the composition, contents, methods of manufacture, processing, design, construction, finishing, packaging, storage, handling of goods are safe or are not likely to be a source to cause harm or injury to any person. And ensure that the instructions for such safe use, handling, packaging, storage and consumption are clearly displayed so as to bring to the notice of any consumer or prospective consumer.”

The federal capital was the first to have a specific law for the protection of consumers, although there are four different consumer protection laws in Pakistan. These laws include the Islamabad Consumer Protection Act, 1995, the NWFP Consumer Protection (Amendment) Act, 2005, the Balochistan Consumer Protection Act, 2003 and the Punjab Consumer Protection Act, 2005.

In Sindh, the Sindh Consumer Protection Ordinance was first promulgated by the governor of the province on August 12, 2004, but it lapsed, as it could not be presented to the Sindh Assembly for ratification. Failure to ratify the ordinance and establish consumer courts has left no option to the consumers but to bear the brunt of piracy, adulteration, cheating and monetary losses.

The market is flooded with sub-standard material, spurious drugs, expired foodstuff and other such items.

“International oil prices have come down, but the finance minister says we can’t give benefit to the consumers,” Iqbal said. “In the UAE, food items are withdrawn 15 days ahead of their expiry date and unscrupulous elements in Pakistan import them in bulk, which are then sold to innocent and unaware consumers with new expiry dates,” he said.

“The situation in the interior of Sindh is so grave that patients are regularly given spurious and expired medicines,” he added. He said CAP has sought an appointment with the Sindh Governor, Dr Ishrat Ul Ibad Khan and Chief Minister Syed Qaim Ali Shah so that the ordinance for consumer protection may be issued yet again to pave the way for consumer courts.

“It is amazing that commercial banks are charging cash handling charges. It’s as if a lawyer charges for touching the law book or a doctor charges for touching the stethoscope,” said an irritated Iqbal Haider, adding “There is no trial, no prosecution of the criminal elements who are violating building bylaws and indulging in horrendous crimes such as adulteration.”

It is time, say many, that the government should not look away and work to give customers, who pay indirect tax to the government, a right to their protection too.

-end-

All that I can say is this.........IT'S FUBAR (fkkd up beyond all recognition). Makes me think twice about consuming chips from the USA. lol

Click here for original post.

Maxis stalking system

2008-11-03T01:44:00.000-08:00

On the way to LCC (was sending my sister), I got this message from Maxis stating that you could track your friends wherever they were. I didn't want to appear stalkerish so I just left it be, even though the person on the other side wouldn't know about it.

As I plopped myself on my bed, going through my plurks (time line journal), I saw my friend blearghing to the fact that her friend caught her doing the job. How?

The other person has to reply Yes before his/her location can be revealed.

God ol' Maxis.

lol

Me, myself and I

2008-10-29T17:12:00.001-07:00

I was going through a lot of heavy, negative and nagging emotions earlier, thinking about the things that has happened to me, being troubled by my past. What is the past anyways but just a collection of memories? I mean, it is after all up to me on how I want to take it. Life is too short to be dwelling in the past, right? And yet there was still a deep sense of hurt in me. I then found the root of the cause. Self hate.

Therefore, on my journey of self discovery I wanted to find the core value that was crucial in living in this day and age, having a balance of the material as well as the meta physical or in laymen's terms, spiritual level. Been feeling empty and seeking for outward approval and satisfaction as opposed to being ok with being me.

I've always had the tendency to spoil myself. That wasn't a problem. But the spoiling wasn't balanced and it lead to being a chronic shopaholic ending up with stuff which I don't really need. It became a destructive process rather than a process of growth. I'm grateful that I am aware of this, yet again being too focused on the outer as opposed to having inner peace.

Hence at times I noticed I attract negative events into my life because I am not being positive to me. Therefore my life's journey shall include the zest of being my own best friend.

It's just changing the way I talk to myself. I've made this realization ages ago but I think now is the best time as any. Words of encouragement and compassion shall replace the critical and condemning. There's this interesting article that talks just about How To Be Your Very Own Best Friend and it says to talk to yourself like you would to your child.

Be your own parent. Nourishing, understanding and loving. Obviously you would want to be anything but loving to your child. Some of you might be thinking, yea but it's a harsh, cruel world out there but don't you think it's about time that you made that change? People will sense the kind of respect and love you have for yourself therefore they will show you the same kind of respect and love you show to yourself.

Ever heard of Do to others as you would do to yourself. But how are you going to treat people with respect and love if you don't even show it to YOU?

Noticed how horrible it feels to be criticized for a mistake that you've made and compare that feeling with someone who would approach you in a compassionate and loving manner?

Makes a hell lot of difference, yes?

So what I make mistakes, you make mistakes, everyone else makes mistakes! From mistakes you learn. Your own pace and your own time.

REMEMBER!

You are the most important person in the world to you.

Not any amount of money, gold, people can satisfy that until you take the horse by the reigns and have a solid relationship with yours truly.

With rigour in applying this concept, you will notice a great difference in how you feel, your health, your mental state and how the world will respond to you.

But this concept shouldn't be just intellectualized, you should sincerely feel compassion and love towards yourself. How you go about it? It's up to you really. Whatever works that makes you feel loved will be fine. Start the beautiful process by providing your senses (touch, hearing, seeing) with all the positivity in the WORLD! :)

If you're wondering what special treat will you give yourself. This would be it.

I've been living 28 years of my life (and counting!) and I am very appreciative and grateful that I came across this thought yet again! :)

So the next time, instead of saying to yourself "Idiot, you f*cked up again!!!!!!" Say "Hey it's alright we'll do it 100 times better next time! Wo0o0o0ot!!"

May this make a change in your lives for the better!

Till the next posting.

Much love and abundance to your way....

Mental block

2008-10-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

Been reading a couple of stuff to set off my writing but I feel that my modjo has yet again been taken away from me.

I used to thrive under pressure, now when it's emotionally connected to me I seem to be paralyzed with fear. Fear of not being able to live up, fear of not being able to do the things that I set out to doing. What a twist in the turns of fate!

My friend suggested that I write about my block. I don't think my self inflicted confinement is helping much with my creativity.

I guess it's just God's way of making me stronger.

Alhamdulillah.

My soul

2008-10-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

He's the HIGH achiever
Love believer
Anything that he says he'll do and it's already done

He's the money maker
My cheerleader
Always ensures that everything's fun

He's the conversation carrier
The motivator
My biggest critic pushing me to number 1

He's the religious speaker
The home maker
He shines so brightly than the sun

He's the compassionate listener
Leveled headed brother
The father of my unborn daugthers & sons

He's my soul.......

IGLOO ME-BLUE

2008-10-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

Another one of my doodles. Kinda expresses the coldness I'm feeling right now........

Sooooooooooo coldddddddddddddddddddddddd without you!!!!!!!! Lonelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

LALALALALALA......................................................*SINGS*

I don't even know whether that song exists.

Mr Dookie

2008-10-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

When things couldn't get worst, it got better!

I just found a hidden talent of mine which was doodling. LOL Who would've known that I could doodle draw? LOL

It's not perfect but it does help me express myself.

Here's my first solo doodle. Since I've always been doodling with either one of my friends especially Fredo. LOL

He was initially supposed to be a caterpillar but my friend Max saw it as a dookie (booger, tahi hidung...). So hence how Mr. Dookie got his name.

I doodled this one out of me wanting to go on a holiday. Somehow or rather Mr Dookie ended up looking like a Mexican. No diss to the Mexicans. Was just the first thing I thought of. I wanted it to be somewhat of a Mexican holiday feel to it.

Maybe I should start illustrating my own characters too.

Wonders never cease out of boredom comes inspiration. His moustache is a bit off but I don't care I love Mr Dookie all the same!! :) (lack of sleep equals to emotional attachment to fictional booger characters)

God help me. I need a new character. :P

Shopping has never been cheaper!!

2008-10-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

The whole month my friends and I have been talking about setting up booth at this place in Ampang behind Pelita. Today is that very glorious day that after years of not in business I am at it again.

Very excited at the prospects of today's escapade. Get to test my persuasive skills and harness my hidden promoting potential.

I can't wait!!

It starts at 12pm and ends at around 8pm if I'm not mistaken. I suggest that you guys come early though because items are going to finish fast.

We'll be selling tiramisu, orange cake, kek batik, brownies and clothes at 1st and 2nd hand. Some of the 2nd hand items are branded to boot at low insane prices.

And it's negotiable too :)

Come all and have fun!!

In my own universe

2008-10-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

In my universe, I could travel to my heart, and hope to find that you are there, sitting quietly reading a book or listening to your favourite music, whilst reading your soccer news or drinking your milk shake, while you tease me with your playfulness.

I would run across the country, with my basket, catching fallen stars so that they could light your way, to wherever you may want to go, even if it means away from me, for your happiness means more to me than anything.

In my universe, I live in fear, of losing you. Now I know what those quotes means, because I am living it first hand. I feel like breaking away, and keeping myself safe, from the risks. But everywhere I turn, I see you. And it makes me wonder..

Do you feel the same way too?

Or do we live in the world of merapu( gibberish)? because I just lost like a lot of blood thanks to the piece of broken glass I stepped on and I think that it has somewhat caused me to be mentally Away..

I SEE STUPID PEOPLE.

Help.....

Or is this universe delusional? Where I am the only one who lives here. Alone, accompanied by shadows, and fantasies of us that can never be.

To my bro bro

2008-10-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

Bro bro, I haven't been talking to you as of lately, but you know you've always been there when I needed you. You never judge!

At times I do feel a bit smothered but I guess that's just how bro bros are. You care about me and you're like the blood that I get to choose.

You are always there when it matters most. When I need you, you are always like this ray of light illuminating even the darkest of hours. Your common sense and logic never fails to help me.

This is a shout out to you. In appreciation of my god brother Neil!!!

Be Present

2008-10-19T12:08:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you hear only what you want to hear, not what is being said. You carry your scars from the past, letting it influence you and miss out on being here and now. Deliver yourself from nostalgia, and bring yourself to now. Live life moment to moment. Like there was no tomorrow.

BE PRESENT.

Carpe Diem - Seize the Day

Been awhile..........

2008-10-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

Yes well I have been MIA for quite some time now. lol It's just that my real life has been very hectic and I found no time to go online. ie. Aidilfitri, relationship fixing,

Will update you exactly what happened in detail soon.

Just thought I'd drop by with a question asked by my favourite author Paulo Coelho from his book the Valkyries.

Why do we throw away the things we love the most?

I'm lost for words of praise when it comes to this man.

Back to the question...

Why? really give a good think about it :)

Take care till then.

Things that make me go oooh..

2008-09-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

I dedicate this post to my darling, my one and only baby..the things I appreciate and love about you...

1. You're always so thoughtful, you know how to mind your way around the house, and you're
hassle free :)

2. That you're not ashamed to cry when something's bothering you.

3. That you speak from the heart, and you always make sure that I do too. :,)

4. You're such a wonderful cook! Yummie

5. You get me treats and you know the kind of treats I like :) (wuv u!)

6. When you send me random messages, saying you miss me and you love me SHADEED :)

7. The way you calm me down when I get mad.

8. How protective you are when something/someone tries to hurt me.

9. How insanely jealous you are of John Legend :P :)

10. That you let me be myself.

11. That you bring me closer to God every single time. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS.

12. You make me want to be a better person. And you always make sure I do this for myself :,)

13. How strong you are as a person. You stand your ground.

14. Your discipline. You get things done.

15. You're always on time when you pray.

16. That you pray for me too.

17. Your love for me.

18. You make me feel special.

19. You taught me how to love.......unconditionally.

20. Gave new meaning to the word...LIFE

21. When you say that your heart bleeds every time I cry, and how you always want me to smile
and be happy.

22. Your smile.

23. You made me learn how it's like to not be able to live without someone. :(

24. I learnt the beauty and also the pains of love.

Colours of my life

2008-09-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

Green is my religion! that God decrees and
bring me spiritual bliss
My family, the twinkling diamond white that brightens up my life
Yellow is the color of my friends,
that melts away the black, the storm of my sorrows
Maroon is the love I have for my sweetheart,
His tender blues soothe my lavendar melancholy
Brings out the fiery red passion in me
and purple, that makes me feel like a queen!

Orange is my adventures, that build me up and make me strong
What brings power? the one and only silver monochrome!
Brown, grounding me and keeping me real.
My rainbow, my universe.

Just the way I am

2008-09-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

This is a letter to myself therefore don't be freaked out and think I've lost it. It can be quite therapeutic and has been practiced in the coaching world for years now. Hopefully my readers will learn as much from this experience as I will.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..Here goes.

Dear Ari,

I know that you're hurting and you've been hurt a lot of times before in your life. I understand that life has been a hard journey for you. My darling, it's only lessons for you to learn that there are some things that are beyond your control. You don't have to spend time to seek approval from others but your own. Advice is commendable, approval isn't. The only person that you should want approval from is yourself.

I know that at times just to be accepted you hold back the truth and not tell the person how you truly feel for fear of being dejected. It's normal. Everyone goes through that. I know we've gone through a lot of times where only when you are successful, then you will feel loved. But know this, regardless of what happens to you, and what you do, I still love you. Have courage to live your life to the full and that also means speaking your mind constantly. The worst thing you can do is be dishonest to the people around you, and also yourself. At the end of the day we all lose out.

And I have unwaivering faith that you will champion this. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, because mistakes are lessons in life to help you grow. Be okay with making mistakes, because the fear of it is where you really lose out. Always be aware of what you are doing, and what you are doing to another person, in that awareness, presence and focus, you will be happy. Believe me.

Go 100% on this. I know love is scary to you sometimes. Don't be afraid of a little pain, because true love is waiting on the other side. It's okay to be afraid. But know that, there is something far more important than it.

Believe in your dreams, trust yourself and go for it!!

YOU CAN DO IT

Love you with all my heart,

Ari.

Dismiss the idea of failure in your mind SO...

2008-09-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

ALWAYS ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS OF SUCCESS!

I got the title from this book called You can be the happiest woman in the world by Dr. Aid Al Qarni. The quote moved me. But I didn't quite like how it was worded because if you're familiar with the teachings of The Secret we should make our affirmations positive.

My mind has the tendency of thinking the worst possible outcome before the positive one. This quote is just what I needed. I needed to dismiss the idea of failure. Failing in my life and most importantly failing in my love life. It's not easy when I have a background of failed relationships that not only happened to me but around the people that are close to me.

In my weak attempt to cheer myself up the thought of my friend's saying came to mind. WHEN IT'S A HARD LIFE THAT YOU LIVE, IT'S HARD TO BE POSITIVE. I find this so true. But I've come to a realization that this shouldn't be my reality. My destiny is in my hands. Not other people. When I focus my mind to positive things, I've always attracted positive experiences into my life. Vice versa. Always have unwaivering faith that things will be great for you. My friend Jazzy says. Omigod it's so true. I've always thought that life was about you know taking things as it is, but we do have control over what happens to us.

It's like when I have a negative thought and I entertain it it's as if I'm asking God for this thing to happen.

The habit of thinking the negative before the positive always happens to me. When I think of the word HABIT, like smoking, drinking and all the negative vices it occurred to me that this "habit" that I had was slowly destroying my system and most obvious, my relationship with my MMS. It's a hard habit to break but I've got to start somewhere. I can't be spending my life always in doubt and not trust God that He has good intentions for me. And I must trust that I DESERVE THE VERY BEST THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER. Not place myself in this impending negativity that eats away at my faith and sanity.

Therefore now I'm going to just move forward, and think positively, regardless. This is my new habit. SO BE IT. Keep positive company and positive things will surely occur. This is my truth, my reality.

Her hands

2008-09-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

Her hands are rough, from the dusts she battles
She hides it with lotion, when she smooths his head
Her hands are weary, from the work that she does
And at night when the lights are dark she forgets all that
and loves him to the depths of her heart

Her hands carry marks, from the hot oil that stings
the very hands that soothes her infants fever away at midnight
The old table lamp bearing witness
Of the one who lulls her baby to sleep

Her hands they are shaky, from tired days of sending
Her boy and girls to school to learn how to live
Her hands tell a story, behind the wrinkles and lines
Of youth and dreams she put on hold for a life like this
But never once, has she complained but love more instead

Her hands are now old, as her grandaughter sympathizes
But with zest she proclaims "I am never tired!"
Her hands are now cold, as she returns to her Maker
I pray to You, in heaven she belongs, care and love her
For those hands, those hands are my mother's...

Ari Yahya
Friday, 26th September 2008

God loves you

2008-09-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Statement Pendek tetapi Bermakna

Bila Allah cepat makbulkan doamu - maka Dia menyayangimu
Bila Dia lambat makbulkan doamu - maka Dia ingin mengujimu
Bila Dia tidak makbulkan doamu - maka Dia merancang sesuatu yang lebih baik untukmu
Oleh itu, sentiasalah bersangka baik pada Allah dalam apa jua keadaan pun..
Kerana kasih sayang Allah itu mendahului kemurkaanNya

I came across this statement while going through my friends notes on facebook. This really touches home for me and strengthens my faith that He is looking out for me all the time. Alhamdulillah. I hope that I give justice to the english translation..

A Short but Meaningful Statement

When Allah grants your prayers with speed - He loves you
When Allah delays in answering your prayers - He wants to test you
When Allah does not answer your prayers - He has planned something far better for you
Therefore, always think highly of God in any situation, because
His love preceeds His hate.

Earlier there was a train crash in Bukit Jalil station. My love was on that train. Alhamdulillah nothing happened to him and I get to have him another day.

I feel tremendously blessed.

Thank you Allah.

Chitra here I come!!

2008-09-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

So I was my usual stalker self in facebook, wanting to check on my boyfriend's activities, :P when I saw this event that my friend Safia was going to attend. Wow! another audition and this time around I don't have to dance around and make a fool of myself like the previous audition I went to. LOL Still good experience nontheless. Anyways..

I was quite hesitant since I didn't even know what a monologue was, then by some cosmic magical support Safia came online with all her beauty and glory. Alhamdulillah! She checked to make sure if it was me since I asked her what a monologue was :P Yea, it's me I don't know what it is. Please help the ignorant.

It was quite a surprise because earlier I was telling my baby about some of the jobs offered to me but I wasn't particularly enthralled. He said to take up a job that would give me benefit. I would consider full medical and quarterly bonuses, a big car to drive around in a huge benefit! hehe..

I don't think my passion as a art lover/performer is any secret to my close friends. I love it! Mind you it takes a lot of discipline. Some might see it as a career path for the erratic of behaviour and the borderline psychopath. For me it's an art. And I've always loved art from as far as I could walk. My chubby little legs would be making lunges, immitating a kung fu fighter to wearing my brother's blue towel over my head because it made me feel all princess-ey.

In any case this was my chance at my passion. Something to cross off my to do list before I hit 30. Having a life makes one very attractive. ;)

If you guys were wondering, I've chosen this monologue.

The Dianalogues
By Laurel Haines

The play is a series of monologues, this one is called "Fat Camp." Doreen is fifteen.

DOREEN:

Look, you seem like a nice counselor. At least, you're the only one whose thighs have three dimensions. Can I tell you the truth? I don't want another chance. I want out. That's why I sabotaged the beauty pageant. I want to be expelled. Please. Help me get out of here. I've been coming here for six summers and I can't take another minute of it. This place is crazy. I mean, a beauty pageant for fat girls? Who are they kidding? We all prance around in our sensible one-piece swimsuits while the judges try not to laugh at us. We know. Look, I don't mean to be disrespectful. I tried to follow your program, I really did. I ate the fruit cup and the square of toast you put in front of me every morning. I spent my afternoons doing aerobics to "It's Raining Men" and "Oh, Mickey!" And at night I closed my eyes and tried to visualize myself shrinking. None of it worked. In fact, your program isn't working for anyone. The rest of my bunk survives by smuggling in Snickers bars and throwing them up at night. The PeeWees are popping Ex-Lax. They hide it in their training bras. And what about Judy, who went away for that mysterious week six to a "wedding"? Yeah, right. Try liposuction. Who comes back from a wedding with eggplant-sized bruises on their thighs? She said it was from waterskiiing, but smart people know better. I mean, how can you reward taht? You might as well put a crown on the vacuum!

So can I go now? Please? I mean really, you don't want to keep me around here. I'm dangerous. Who knows what I'll do? Can't you just chalk me up as a hopeless case? A loose cannon? A bad seed? OK. Fine. But you know what? From now on, I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want. Oh, I have ways of getting food. Many, many sources. And by the time this summer is over, I'll be the first Miss Camp Bluebird who will have gained fifty pounds. You can put THAT in your ad in the New York Times!

Courtesy of http://www.notmyshoes.net/monologues/doreen.html

May the All Mighty bless me with the chance to live my dreams! Amin

Superstitious minds

2008-09-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

You crazy nut! You f-ing wanna die issit?! That's too much salt.

Sighs

Day in day out I've been putting too much salt in my food. I need a restraining order from the ocean :P Salt manufacturers would love me.

There's this old folks tale that if you put too much salt in your food that means that you're going to get married soon. I doubt that it will happen. If it does, just ask me when I'm due. :P (thanks Anna) Touch wood! I take it back!

Speaking of urban legends and folk lore, don't you guys ever tire from hearing all this superstitious malarkey? Whenever I bring this idea forth to M he always says to me, Baby that's all nonsense ok. Don't believe it. teehee..

There was this one time at band camp..LOL ok I'll be serious. I saw this friend of mine walking into his entrance with his back facing the door. "What on earth?" It was a weird sight to see. "They say if I walk like this it'll ward off evil." I was thinking to myself apparently it didn't ward off the crazies in your head. Here was this man in his early 30s still believing in superstition.

Here's another one. My nieces & nephews and I were having a very late supper and we were out of cili. Thank God for the cili tree in the garden. By the time we were done with it it was almost barren. I was about to pass the cili to Noury when my nephew Nasha shrieked. I thought he saw a burglar, ghost or some 4 eyed creature with its intestines hanging loose. "Aunty don't pass it directly to Noury! You guys will end up in a cat fight if you do! Put it in a bowl or something then give it to her."

My God! Where do you people get this?

I find it quite amusing as well. My dad would never hear of such superstitions although one day I caught him with his very own little tale. He didn't touch the deer meat that his friend gave him, while we were munching away he decided to share. "You know that back in the day people who practiced magic would sometimes turn themselves into deers?" I almost hurled. It could probably be someone's arm I was chewing on. Probably worst. Then logic hit me and I just laughed it away. I couldn't help but feel bad about being a momentary cannibal though. :P Sorry dad.

Now I always have this smart rhetort when someone tells me a superstition, especially my kids (nephews and nieces).

IF IT'S NOT IN THE QURAN I'M NOT BELIEVING IT!

But try say that to my elders and not get cili rubbed in your mouth! >.<

There's this one interesting belief that Pam and I came across. Apparently if you put Valerian leaves in your underwear it's supposed to heighten one's appeal. Really now? hmm..lol

"Daun apa tu Nong? Ada ka tu disini? Semalu ka tu?" (What kinda leaf is that nong? Do they have it here? Is that the semalu (Mimosa pudica L. <-- I couldn't find the layman term for it in english) leaf?

"No lah! I don't think so"

Come to think of it, if it was the semalu my bunions would have a very fun time dealing with the thorns. Ouch! No thanks.

The Valerian leaves could be like long distant cousins to that of the Ivy. Who knows man...who knows..

I guess that if we were to deal with such things with humour it would be alright as opposed to believing in it 100%. I find it like a restraint.

But I'm not making fun of those who do though. I'm just giving my 2 cents.

Here's some of the stuff I picked up.

So far,

To cure a cough: take a hair from the coughing person's head, put it between two slices of buttered bread, feed it to a dog, and say, "Eat well you hound, may you be sick and I be sound."

(SPCA will have a trip with this one)

A fish should always be eaten from the head toward the tail.

If a young girl catches a ladybug and then releases it, the direction in which it flies away will be the direction from which her future husband will come.

(Where are those dumb ladybugs when you need them...LOL)

Click here to read more.

*Sings* We're caught in a trap! I can't walk out..coz I believe in you too much baby! (LOL, sung in the tune of suspicious minds by Elvis Presley)

Well, each to his/her own I guess at the end of the day.

I hope you guys had as much fun reading this as I did writing it lol

Unbelievable

2008-09-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in love with this song. I'm sourcing for this kind of thing to happen to me.

Unbelievable baby? Makes my heart smile. Sighs.

That was what I said an hour ago. Now I realize I do have it :)

"Unbelievable"

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and you changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Oh yeah, break down and cry.

Now I see, what love means

In the pursuit of peace and happiness

2008-09-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allâh, Verily, in the remembrance of Allâh do hearts find rest.

The Noble Quran - Ar-Ra'd 13:28

I miss having M around. He gave me a call saying that he was 3 minutes away from my house and that he had to go to Bukit Bintang right after to meet some of his friends. I was thinking it would be alright since I would be meeting him next week. He asked me why I was going back so early since I told him I was going back a week before my niece's wedding. I just thought it would be nice to go back earlier I mean 3 days won't make any difference anyways not that we always hang out together :P

It kinda was a shocker to me coz he went to see his friends and because he said he was busy with his studying and what nots. It has been eons since I last saw him. I don't know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'm just suffering from withdrawal symptoms. lol He does love me tho. Would be nice to see him more often :).. But this is as good as it gets and I'm taking it a day at a time.

I've learned to enjoy my own company. Even though in the beginning it kinda sucked that I had to break fast by myself. But come to think about it I like me. lol And the quiet sessions that I spend with God. Praying to Him and asking Him for His mercy and blessings in whatever I do. It's very peaceful. I trust in Him that He knows what's best for me.

Summer told me that God will only give the bearable trials to His servants. When I think of this I don't get antsy as much. I feel at peace knowing that the only reason why He would test me is because He loves me. I fear that He will not love me. Therefore knowing this, I feel happy. He's been there since the beginning. Through sadness and smiles. When the whole world turned their back against me, He was there to offer me comfort.

This world is a temporary world anyways. But I pray that God will give me more than enough good memories to take me to my grave and the here after.

I know God knows what's inside my heart. He's just preparing me to be ready for special & wonderful times ahead :)

The trials of a modern muslim chic. :) One thing I've gained, is that, in the pursuit of happiness, nobody can make you happy except yourself. You need to take ownership of that responsibility.

If you try to gain happiness from your external environment then that means your happiness is temporary. But when you dig inside and harness the power, like thinking of good memories to shift your energy to happiness, then you will get that happiness.

I read something from wikihow (my favourite website! LOL) and it's listed down some useful things to make oneself happy.

HOW TO BE HAPPY

Nobody is happy all the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others, and it doesn't seem to have much to do with material goods or high achievement---things many people spend a lot of their time worrying about. So what do they have that you don't?

Steps

1. Relax. Lighten up. Don't take yourself too seriously. Try not to over analyze things. Stress can cause many mental, physical, and spiritual problems in your life. One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control. Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be. It wouldn't be life if some bad things don't happen.

2. Smile You would be surprised how much of an immediate difference physically smiling has on your mood, if you smile and force a little laugh you will feel your mood lighten and you won't have to force it next time.

3. Take the good with the bad. No one is happy all the time. Everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that's happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won.

4. Be thankful. A key component of happiness is acceptance - learning to be grateful for what you have. A lot of people know it but don't keep it in their minds. Comparing your life with others' is dangerous. Accept the gifts you have and know that no one is better than or less than anyone else's. Keep a "gratitude journal". Every day, write down a few things that you are thankful for and then review what you have written in past entries. It's a great way to remind yourself to be thankful for what you have and to boost your mood.

5. Be yourself. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not with you. One way to get in touch with yourself is through journaling, diaries or (lately) blogs. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your own best friend by being completely honest with yourself. What do you want out of life? What makes you truly happy? Who do you want to be?

6. Pursue goals that make you happy. Strive for long term goals rather than short term satisfaction. It's very easy to gain short term satisfaction--a quick high, a fast relief from your current problems (such as drugs, alcohol, sex). But it is what it is, a "short term" satisfaction, and the effects die out very soon, leaving you with an empty feeling that is sometimes worse than before. Set long term goals, goals which take time, thought, and effort to achieve. This will make you continually work towards improving yourself bit by bit and will give you the satisfaction of bringing a permanent change in your life.

7. Focus on the Objective. If the thoughts you are thinking are not giving you that 'good feeling', then think about something else that will make you feel good in that moment. Observe your thoughts and ideas consistently throughout the day (diary/journal if possible). Sometimes this may not be as easy as you think if you are stuck in a "destructive" train of thought and your brain chemicals are getting fired up and forming "anxiety or anger" thoughts. Anxiety, fear and anger patterns can be interrupted by focusing on something else. This will dissipate the rush of chemicals that are making you feel bad. Immediately then go back to picturing scenes/remembering things/imagining, planning stuff that makes you feel good.

8. Develop healthy relationships.

* Family. If you want a stronger relationship with your family, you're going to need to be honest with them. Tell your family about your life and don't insult them - it hurts them just as much as it hurts you to be insulted. If you are in an abusive family, you must find a way to stop the abuse and that may include separation.
* Have a healthy relationship. If you're dating, get involved with activities that reflect who you are, and get to know people who like the things you do. Get involved with someone who loves life and pursues happiness the way you do. If you're in a relationship, strive to make that relationship healthy.
* Choose your friends carefully. Nearly everyone needs someone who cares for them and treats them well. If you have friends who are treating you badly, or are not supportive of you and your goals to improve your life, then ditch them and find friends that do care about you. If you can't find any friends like that in your current circumstances, then look elsewhere. If you're feeling sad, there's nothing like going out with your friends to make you feel better. Surround yourself with friends who are beneficial, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, nurturing encouragement to make solid desired progress in life.

9. Make someone else happy. When you're feeling powerless to create happiness in your life, do something to make someone else--anyone--happy, and you'll remember how easy it really can be. Isn't it true the happiest people we know are typically the ones who for some foolish reason are always ready to give you the clothes off their back? And frequently it is true that the most discontented people are the ones who are selfish, demanding, and inconsiderate of others. The happiest days of our lives, when we really dig down deep, is when we see the smile on the face of a person who we care about. Even helping a stranger can remind you of how much you really have, because of how much you can give. Serve at a rescue mission and you will learn the meaning of "I cried because I had no shoes and then I met a man who had no feet."

Tips

* Try thinking of a creative vow and write it down. Make it something like: I vow to give at least one compliment to someone each day and I'll try to control my anger by counting in my head before reacting.

Warnings

* Happiness requires balance. Don't become so caught up in your own happiness that you forget about everyone else's. And don't base your own happiness on making others feel good; people-pleasers are usually very unhappy on the whole.

* Even in the most terrible times, do not turn to alcohol, drugs, or anything else that is addictive, abusive to the health of you or others. Bad habits grow like weeds - they are easy to get, but hard to get rid of. Many addictive "solutions" can make your problems much worse.

I hope this has made you as happy as it did me. I feel calmer. Alhamdulillah.

Fioner's birthday!!!

2008-09-21T04:29:00.000-07:00

1/3rds of a cigarette I decided to write something light, I have a couple of drafts of stuff I wrote but I just couldn't bring myself to finish them. Writer's block probably. Ever since I decided to write something to represent my adventures of turning over a new leaf, I feel pressured. LOL Insyallah I will finish them soon non the less. hehe.

Well I was quite shocked to get Fi's message saying that she planned her birthday on the last minute. I cancelled all my plans and decided hey, one needs to pull through for a buddy.

I was very happy with the spread. Especially when I saw the mashed potatoes. Hehe. I was craving for it since forever. I was ecstatic as well because it meant that I will be seeing some of my old friends that I have not hung out with for ages.

Good food, good company, there was also of what I noticed a patch of severed ties as well. That was monumental. I couldn't help but feel happy that they did. I won't mention names but it was good to see these two old friends talk again. As much as I hate to admit it, these two clowns have been with me since day 1 of university days and how can I not get choked up at the sight? :,-)

We had a good round of cho tai di which Jeff and G kept winning. I keep thinking that the card game was rigged :P. I even got to fix Uncle's guitar. Kinda weird sounds tho coz it was a mixture of strings. lol Never the less it was a good time.

'Why is patience so important?' 'Because it makes us pay attention'.

2008-09-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

'Why is patience so important?' 'Because it makes us pay attention'.

Paulo Coelho - The witch of Portobello.

This is one thing that I think I have learned and been tested for in this Ramadhan month. There were many times I was about to blow my top, but I controlled myself. And there were many times that I did blow my top and suffered dire consequences which was my temporary break up with M. *shivers*

But the practice in patience not only acquired me the ability to do things better, it, like Coelho said, made me pay attention. With usual impulse I would just ignore the attempts of M to get back with me and possibly throw away the one that my heart beats for. What is love without trials and tribulations? and the patience to whither the storm?

Patience is a virtue and no other virtue better than this I would add.

When I am patient and I pay attention to what's really going on as opposed to what my crazy mind has conjured up, it really makes a whole lot of difference. When I am patient, I realize I listen to what is being said rather than what I want to hear. Acquiring patience is a tedious job and not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of endurance.

Another thing I've learnt about patience is that I could easily steer away from causing things to be worst than they already are. Patience somewhat gives me the 3rd person viewpoint to my situation, minus emotions, minus feelings. Mind you I'm not overlooking these things as being important nor as something that should be absent of the human makeup, but just to look at things objectively, minus my personal judgment, such that I can think of a better way of how to handle it NOW and how it can benefit all those involved.

This was a very profound experience for me. Previously, I couldn't strike a balance between the two, it was always to extremities. Either I was giving in too much to the other person or I was just sucking the other person's very existence because I wanted to be right about what I was feeling, rather than be patient and focus about what I wanted to create, and have in the long run.

You gotta be what you want? You want love. You need to be loving. You want trust? Be trusting!

From my own perspective, I see patience as an act of love. An act of kindness as well.

Benefits of patience? Rome wasn't built in a day. If the architects had no patience in drawing out a proper blueprint for us God forbid the number of buildings that would fall to pieces. *blach*

In matters of the heart, patience plays a critical role in creating love between a couple. In addition to that there's also other people in your life that you need to have patience with. Not only your loved ones. But the closest one to you. Yourself.

Did you ever catch yourself beating yourself up because you did something wrong or you thought that you could've done it better? If we took time to reflect it was actually just a learning process and that we should be PATIENT with ourselves.

And all this was because I paid attention! Full price :)

It is said in the Quran that God is with those who are patient. Thank God for that. I believe He is with me every step of the way. :)

My prayer to all that may our decisions and actions be dictated with tons of patience and perserverence to get to our end result, to materializing our dreams.

Amin.

I NEED HELP!

2008-09-18T17:35:00.001-07:00

I've decided to write more about topics that a modern day muslim woman can relate to and learn from. But my confusion is, should I start with a new blog or just continue with this current one??? I want to weigh the pros and cons.

My logic tells me it's better to start with a new one so that I can be organized but my mind is also telling me that I should just make subtle insertions on my current one. Decisions decisions decisions....

And on day 7 it all began.......

2008-09-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

The whole day I was a wreck. Literally never been at my worst. I kept thinking how do I end something that is so obvious that it's not meant to? Going to KLCC was a drag. I was excited but I knew deep down inside I was literally dying. I couldn't hold back the tears when I entered Kinokuniya and saw this book, Turkey+Egypt. I forgot the main title but that was what caught my eye. I was like, damn even the books are making fun of me. Signs?!

I tried to ignore them because I was slowly losing faith. I did still love him but it was an aching pain that one suffers if you knew that you couldn't be together. Pardon me if I sound repetitive, but yea I did mention in my previous posts that we are so connected it's not even funny.

The funny thing was, we were still connected even after the break up. All through this time I just kept feeding positive feelings into what we had, the appreciation of each other, the love, I still had it. My feelings for him started to grow and grow..

My tears were my witness.

In my attempt to spiritually heal myself and do some heavy duty reflecting, I sat in silence speaking to God, begging for mercy.

One thing led to another, as my realizations unfolded and streams of tears rolled down my face I got an unexpected phone call. It was M. Actually I wasn't surprised. But in my heart I felt that throughout the whole week I felt he was looking for excuses to talk to me. I was thinking to myself he must be trying to rub it in or something or don't want to look bad in front of my friends (the drawbacks of an overactive imagination).

We spoke like old friends. Talked about our daily happenings. Our lives. I felt like hanging up because his absence and the love that I had for him overwhelmed me. We both sounded like we were choking. We were talking incessantly. I could breathe easy. It felt so right at the time and I was thinking how come we broke up?

To top it off he did the Istikharah. Which was a prayer when you are having doubts on something and he felt he should break up with me. Isn't that enough of a sign from God that we were not meant to be? And yet...

When we spoke. He said to me that there were so many things that he realized he has done wrong with me and I was shocked because the week was time I took to reflect as well. I told him that I'm glad that God is making me happy.

"Don't I make you happy?" was his reply. I didn't know how to react. My brains are fried from M withdrawals. "The problem was I was depending on you too much to make me happy. I was always blaming you when something was wrong. Demanding too much instead of appreciating what time you give to me." What's the use of wanting to be all the time with someone you don't love? compared to someone you do love? Even every moment counts, I thought to myself.

I just went on an appreciation spree. Just be thankful constantly.

The analogy of a flower would be perfect to illustrate LOVE. Like the seeds of a flower, one must sow and keep at it, loving it, nurturing it, making sure that it has enough water, sun so that it blooms gloriously. You need sh*t too sometimes so that it helps it BLOOM..LOL

That's what love is from my point of view. It takes effort. You can't expect the spark to always be there. You need to keep it burning. :)

We then continued talking about how we were keeping up with fasting I said it's alright. I really did not want to get into anything uncomfortable. What you resist persist. He asked "When are you going to break fast with me?" Okay, I thought, this is going to be awkward. Logically,I wanted to mend my broken heart and the best way was to avoid him but you know sometimes your brain doesn't seem to win in this sort of conflicts. So I said the obvious. "You tell me where and I will meet up with you."

"I want something that you make with your hands."

My heart dropped. A bit demanding are we after breaking up? But then I told my evil nafs to shut up (check out nafs-i-ammara or the commanding self, the one that I told to shut up is called Takkabur aka false pride :P).

I just let my guard down and just became truthful of my heart's wishes. So I said whenever you're free just give me a head's up.

We then started talking about religion. In my heart, again I wanted to hang up because it was too much for me to bear. I knew I still loved him and I couldn't take it. But I just accepted and be contented with what I had. Because I knew I wanted him back. So I bit my lip and continued.

Then I felt something in my heart say to just let God do His work. Being the controlling monster that I was, it was very humbling. Nothing was beyond my reach, but when I embraced the fact that some things were not within my control, I somehow felt liberated. I just had to make do and give effort and let God do the rest.

The next turn of events was somewhat of a miracle. He asked me what I was in my heart and I said that I still loved him and missed him. MY GOD! This was a first from me. I wouldn't have in my right mind do such a thing. Come to think of it what does the mind have to do with matters of the heart. :P

He coaxed me further into saying what else. And I said it wasn't important. His happiness was far more important than mine. =/

He asked what was it, and I just said I'm happy but I could be happier. I told him it would be nice to have him back but it would be selfish of me.

Then he said something which I made him repeat. Because I couldn't believe what he said. I think this song best describes what we were both going through.

God was really being very very very very generous.

I believe in true love?

2008-09-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

As fierce and strong and at times a feminist as I appear to some of my friends (not naming names, points to Fariz), but honestly I am a strong believer in true love.

Us muslims have been told that this world that we live in is a temporary world, but isn't this temporary world meant to be where we bring our memories from here to the After life? where we witness God and share with Him and bear to Him our souls?

I've made some prayers that I've regretted. Pam always said be careful what you wish for. But I did wish for the best. I prayed that if we were not meant to be together that the ties should be severed. The thing is, we can still feel each other. I know that when I suddenly wake up at night he's awake too. When I wake up suddenly it's because he has class to go to. It's called a connection. At times I feel that we could be soulmates. Maybe we just think in the same wave length.

Intan said that when two people are in love they can feel each other. Breathe each other. It's crazy. I told her that I'm going to move on and be over him. It takes time but I'll manage and I have to be strong. If God intended that one day M and I be together again so it shall. But he did give up on the relationship. Due to his studies. I don't want to cause a ruckuss. If this is as good as it gets, I'm thankful and appreciate each moment I have with him.

I can't stand the thought that he might end up with someone else one day. That someone else might have his children and be the one that gets to hold his heart. That him and her share the connection that we once had. It's so painful even to think about it. So I'll just give this thought a full stop here.

But if our love wasn't true love then what was it? Day in day out we would always end up doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, and even if I lied about my negative thinking, :P he would always know. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind, just thinking that he could be the one but he wasn't, maybe. I'm tired of crying but this is the thing of which drives me nuts, also cleanses me. Aren't those the signs that I'm meant to look out for??

I do believe that I love him and I do believe that he still loves me. In his own quirky way. But when sacrifice is called for, relationships must be severed for the other person's future. It feels bittersweet. Bittersweet at the fact that I'm letting him fly and the fact that I'm not in his life. I guess if we were meant to be together we would have worked out the kinks already. I'm just saddened by the fact that he gave up on us. He still wants to be friends whilst I want a clean break. However I think I would die if I had a clean break. :P

I still have some of his things and the thought of returning them drives me insane. His birthday is coming up as well. I don't think I can ever take another heart ache, but for love. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I didn't live 28 years to not want to know what love is and be afraid. I refuse to. I hope he knew how much I loved him.

Dear God, how I regretted not appreciating him when he was around. Just showing him how much I love him instead of complaining every time. I took it for granted that he would always be there. If I knew that it would end so briefly, I'd show him every moment that I cared, that I loved, and that I was willing to do what it takes to make him happy. That if there was anything that bothered him/me we should always keep in check with each other.

A week before our break up, I was helping him out with his assignments, we took a break and he dedicated the song How do I breathe by Mario. If anyone is familiar with it's about a guy who regretted pushing his love away from him. That he cannot stand to see her with someone else. He kept asking how do I breathe without her.

It's either he had the break up planned or it was some kind of a premonition song. :P But the only difference is he's not asking for my return. *cries*

He can't breathe?! I'm like someone who was on life support and someone's squeezing the tubes. I don't know how higher it can get from this. But for the sake of my sanity and faith, I'll just keep believing. Because I know God is there. He's my only relief in the storm.

Ya Hayy Ya Qayyum.

Salam to my prophet Muhammad.

I love you with all my heart..

Miss Independent

2008-09-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

This is going to be my new GO! song! When I listen to it, it really makes me semangat to climb the corporate ladder......LOL But to climb in the correct way tho...I envision myself doing freelance writing for companies writing press releases and researching, planning and managing their Public Relations division...Omigod. So be it!

It's going to be my vision that I will materialize!! :)

AMIN

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

Ooh is something about
Just something about the way she move
I can't figure it out
It's something about her

Say, ooh is something about
Kinda woman that want you but don't need you
Hey, I can't figure it out
It's something about her

'Cause she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicure nails just set the pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly

And she move like a boss
Do what a boss
Do, she got me thinking about getting involved
That's the kinda girl I need (oh)

[chorus]
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah(ohh)

Ooh there's something about
Kinda woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud
There's something about her

Something oh so sexy about
Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it (she said she got it, she got it)
No doubt, there's something about her (there's somethin' about her)

'Cause she work like a boss
Play like a boss
Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off
And bills are payed on time, yeah
She made for a boss <---(to source for my boss! LOL)
Slowly a boss
Anything less she telling them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind

[chorus]
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent, yeay

[bridge]
Her favorite thing to say, don't worry I got it
And everything she got best believe she bought it
She gon' steal my heart ain't no doubt about it, girl
You're everything I need
Said you're everything I need

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

She's got her own thing (oooohoooohhhoh)
That's why I love her (that's why I love her, oh ohh)
Miss independent (independent)
Won't you come and spend a little time (ohh)
She's got her own thing (she got, she got)
That's why I love her (that's why I love that girl)
Miss independent (ohh ohh)
Ooh, the way you shine
Miss independent

Miss independent
That's why I love her

Break up day 6

2008-09-15T04:06:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a good break up to help motivate you into getting to know yourself more and loving every minute of your life! :)

The thing is I don't like to hold on to past hurts. Although it's pretty botchy (original b*tch) but then again life's too short for botchiness.

One thing that I've learnt is to really focus on what I want to do with my life. Not to be rushed into a relationship unless it's like those harlequin-woo-woo-dejavu-I can't live without you kind of things I'm not going to jump into anything. I won't however overlook dating. :P

Honestly, I still love him. I'm just going to let it wear out to one of those I love you as a friend type of things before I can say that I've moved on and ready for something new.

Now, I just want to have fun. Get myself grounded and open my eyes to the whole new world before me. I want to go chase after my star and realize my fullest potential. To do things as Allah wants me to and just reflect on what didn't work in my past relationships. This is the first time in my life where I'm not thinking of getting the one. This is the first time in my life where I am putting myself first and just allowing self love to flow in.

I find it very touching that God still looks out for me. He tests those whom He loves boy do I sure feel loved right now. LOL given the amount of pain. I'm sure it will heal in time.

I still think about M from time to time. But I'm not going to over think things anymore. He was the one who dumped me anyways therefore I trust he knows what he's doing therefore now I gotta get moving and start getting my act together. Post haste!

I guess it's normal to drift to that mode of sadness from time to time. I need to break out from that habit and be more positive than negative. The relationship was really not serving me. Was not really serving us. We're better off as friends.

It also brought me a new realization that there is still much more I need to work on before I get into a new relationship. I won't be ready for one for a long time.

But you never know. You make plans and something else happens. THAT'S LIFE.

p/s sorry for missing out on day 5 I was kind of busy with real life so the usual hecticness of being idle got me carried away :P...

I'm glad that mrs. Moon (period) is going away. I can have some chill time with God. Alhamdulillah.

I've got plans with my friend so I gotta make a move. Need to shower. Ugh. Memories :P

What do you want? Look from inside of your heart

2008-09-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

Ever so often when someone comes to us with a predicament/problem/etc. we offer them advice thinking that we are benefiting them. We lose sight of what the person is really trying to say. We feed them with our logic, of what society deems as logic and close our hearts to theirs, of what they really want.

I'm sure some of us, unfortunately I have been too, governed by our own fears told someone in our lives that their dream was impossible to achieve. We think that by giving them solid "logic" of because it happened to this person I know..so and so you shouldn't do that..that we become dream killers. As blunt as it may sound, murderers. We fail to empower and we hold them small.

We think that the advice will save them the heartache, as protection. We fail to see that we are only stunting their growth and learning process.

I've been in the business of making people's dreams come true and one thing that I have learnt is people only need to believe in themselves and what they are doing. Truth is a very subjective matter. The truth is what one makes of it, of what one wants to believe, is the truth. Therefore it shall happen. God willing.

My friends,

my invitation to you is when someone comes up to you and shares their dreams of the future, regardless of how ridiculous it may sound the only thing that I would want you to question them is, Do you really want it? Will it make you happy? so if they say yes, support them. Don't let your own judgments of their situation dampen what they want.

And for those of you who have dreams, by all means pursue it with all vigour and regardless of how dark the clouds are, how stormy it is, go and get it with unwaivering faith. Blind yourself to the negativity and have the light of positivity, endurance and excellence, or whatever is real for you guide you to materializing your dream(s).

I bid you good luck on your journey towards finding success, freedom, love. Have it as an affirmation and say it everyday until you feel it in your soul, evoking the power within.

I believe in you and your dreams. Now it's time for you to believe in yourself and take inspired action!

Be in creation!

To hate is easy, to love takes courage. Be courageous. Dare! to be different and never submit to the norm.

LOVE AFFIRMATION

2008-09-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

LOVE AFFIRMATION: I am loved & loving. I am surrounded by love. I easily attract loving people & experiences into my life. I embrace & claim a life filled & overflowing with love. I am greatful for the love that surrounds me. My circle of loving friends continues to expand. Love is what I am. I am a magnet for more & more love. I joyfully express love everyday. I love myself exactly the way I am. I radiate love to everyone & everything. The more love I give the more love I receive. The love in my soul freely & fully expresses itself. Love is all around. Today I release the past & allow the healing of love into my life. I am in love with my life.

My friend Fiona sent me this affirmation. Thanks Fi! Love you... although I don't feel it right now I'm going to keep saying it until it envelops my soul and just lifts me up!

LOVE

2008-09-14T00:57:00.000-07:00

LOVE by KHALIL GIBRAN

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Break up day 4

2008-09-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Very interesting question my niece posted on Plurk today. It's not a question that it's out of the norm but still interesting non the less.

WELL......I don't know about you people out there but I don't believe in it. You think that you have love at first sight but it's actually not. It's your hormones talking. SO! stop thinking like a d-k.

Note the bitterness. I am a moody botch and that blinds me from counting my blessings. I guess I just feel shunned from M.

And missing out on coupledom. Not that I am jealous of my friends happiness I just feel that how come I can't have the same thing? When the f-k is it my turn?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay!!!!!!!!! Queen Botch.................

BRRRRRREEEEEEATTTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEEEEE!!

Well I thought it was my f-king turn until everything collapsed and it got snatched from me. Now I remember how it feels like to be on the receiving end of a dump hole.

My itchy hands texted him last night with no reply. Everything on my face was twitching I wondered what it was. Yea well I somehow thought that we were again connected (vomit) and that something bad happened to him. Apparently not. I don't know it could be that he got sensitive when I logged off the moment he logged in. As if he ever noticed if I was online. He doesn't even twitch.

Come to think of it, he's not that stupid and if he did love me the way he did he would find ways to contact me. Am I being petty? Yea so he still is studying but we do have MSN if he wanted so much to be thrifty or whatever. He could have said ok baby I am just leaving u a msg to say I'm okay and I'm pretty busy. I didn't ask for a f-king essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate it when I get like this. He just had to choose the first day of my period to break up with me. Isn't that awesome?!

I just want to focus on the bad things so that I can move on with my life.

If you think I'm a b*tch go ahead.

This is the botch chronicles anyways.

Truth of the matter is I still love you. Maybe less. Dear GODDDDDDDD!!!!!

*cries*

The spiritual walk

2008-09-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

When I went with Faslin to KLCC, Alhamdulillah I had the time of my life. I never realized that I could find such an affinity in such a short notice. She was strong, bubbly, fun and very open. We went shopping, testing out perfumes, books, etc.

As we sat at the rack where they displayed Islamic books we started talking about our loves. Or rather, unrequitted loves? Allahualam.

Previously before I came I was sourcing for something to make me happy. Surprise surprise. God loves me! There in front of me was You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World, A Treasure Chest Reminders by Dr. Aid al-Qarni.

I can't say much but it's the best read I've had so far and I'm not even half way through it!! It really helps me deal with the complicated being which is I, digging into the roots of how women think and how to breakthrough from some habits (jealousy, anger, moodiness, anxiety...etc) in accordance to Islam.

I notice it keeps mentioning chastity in the hijab (head gear). Wow. Well...slow and steady wins the race. LOL

Before I decide to cover my head I need to stop being a smoke engine. :P

I shall not ruin your experience any further.

READ THE BOOK!

Can't wait to go out with Faslin again!

REUNITED

2008-09-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

Reunited lyrics by Peaches & herb

Album: Non album tracks

I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
That breakup we had
Has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you
'Cause I want you back
Hey, hey

I spent the evening with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such
A way of learning so much
I know now that I love you
'Cause I need your touch
Hey, hey

(Chorus:)
Reunited, and it feels so good
Reunited, 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
'Cause we're reunited
Hey, hey

I sat here, staring at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb
Right through the telephone line
And give you what you want
So you would still be mine
Hey, hey

I can't go cheatin', honey; I can't play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce
On precious moments like this
I'm glad we're back together
'Cause I missed your kiss
Hey, hey

(Repeat chorus)

Lover, lover, this is sudden love
And you're exactly what I'm dreamin' of
All through the day
And all through the night
I'll give you all the love I have
With all my might
Hey, hey

(Repeat chorus)

Break up day 3

2008-09-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

You know just when you thought things would be different. Your heart aches like nobody's business and you're only left with this surrendering and humbling situation to love someone. And yes. It is beyond your control.

I still love him.

*ugh*

BOLLYWOOD DAY IN THE HOOD PEOPLE

2008-09-11T18:03:00.000-07:00

Ari: Arwarya Rai (but of course!)
Pam:Azizah Kapoor
Musa: Musa Roshan
Fiona: Fifi Mukherji
Arif: Arif Bachan
Ru: Ru Chopra
Khaled: Khaled Diksha
Fas: Faslina Kapoor
Seth:Aruseth
Summer: Summani
Mura: Mura Khan
Queeny: Queeny Zinta

Okay so I just felt like assigning names today since I am feeling very d bollywood.. LOL

And because I need to keep my mind occupied

My dude wish list.

2008-09-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

I kept a dude wish list before and it did come true and since the current one did not come through I realized I forgot to include a couple of things lol...

So here goes.

1. God fearing (Muslim of course-sunni LOL)
2. Kind hearted
3. Handsome (devastatingly handsome...LOL)
4. Taller than I am (and by I mean tall not the thickness of the hair and a baldy by choice)
5. Tanned
6. Loyal
7. Wise
8. Intelligent
9. Funny
10. Exciting
11. Financially stable (and ready to marry me anytime he wishes LOL)
12. Understanding
13. Compassionate
14. Health conscious
15. Truly loves me and thinks I'm the hottest chic on the planet
16. Cultured
17. Well mannered
18. FUN!
19. Spontaneous
20. Leadership skills
21. Philanthropic
22. Did I already say handsome? devastatingly handsome? LOL
23. Eloquent
24. Do anything for me
25. GIVES ME THE TIME AND ATTENTION I NEED
26. Gives me space
27.

Well I'll keep updating my dude wish list...I need to think some more. hehe

cheerio

BUMPKIN BOTCH

What about now?

2008-09-10T21:25:00.001-07:00

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

This song really hits home to me. Thank you Chris Daughtry

Break up day 2

2008-09-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

I was checking the proximity of my living room to see whether the coast was clear. Wanted to see whether Pam was distracted enough to not notice that I was going to sneak into my room and give him a ring.

A couple of seconds after that devious thought my phone rang and I saw a fixed line number. Who on earth could be calling me at this hour? From a land line some more.

Lo and behold it was none other than the one that inhabits my soul. (So I'm feeling a bit poetic give me a break). I almost had the shock of my life. We were talking about returning each other's stuff and what not. He was in the middle of reading the Secret and he said he had this book with him. I told him to finish reading it first. I'm in no rush to get it back.

At times I feel that my purpose is in life was to make him happy. I still love him tremendously and I don't know how to cope with this loss. I just have to move on. I thought that it was my destiny to be with him but sometimes God has other plans. Who am I a mere mortal to fight such a plan?

Deep down I feel that he doesn't love me the way I do him. But he begged to differ. He wished that he could lie to make me feel better. But that wasn't possible according to him. His love was there but the sacrifice was for his future. Why can't I be the one who is in his future? the one that grows old with him and shares our ups and lows together?

But a good friend of mine told me yesterday it's true love when it feels right. For me it doesn't feel right because I don't love the way he loves me. I'm sure he does love me but I just have different needs. And sure he does as well.

I'm slowly beginning to understand what it is that makes my heart melt. One thing's for sure this love was the best one so far because I gave it my best. And I'm certain in the future I can give a lot more to the next person who comes into my life.

It's a tragic love that you know that you love one another but because of different characters that you can't be together. Honestly he still has a special place in my heart.

We both gave each other 100% of our love. And it didn't work out. Well. That's life. He taught me not to be afraid to speak my mind, I remember how he would say "Speak from inside of your heart" and he was the one who brought me closer to God and my prophet and I can never forget him for that.

On a student's budget he still took the time to take me out on fancy eateries and threw a big birthday bash for me. *sniff*

I used to wear sexy clothes now I'm mostly covered and I feel so liberated because I am not judged on superficial reasons but rather for me as a person.

I remembered how he used to roar and tell me to change my clothes when it was too revealing..LOL

There are other millions of things that he has done for me but too personal to blog about. I'll just cherish it in my heart. Something to smile about when the rainy days come.

He's the warmest soul I've ever met. Well he did have his dark side but who doesn't?

I wasn't blinded, I just loved all of it because I saw that in me as well.

He was my reflection. My mirror.

But well one never knows what to expect in this lifetime. When you think you know everything. God throws you something else. Throw my soulmate my way please... :) *hehe*

I'm honestly a bit pooped from the relationship arena. Me thinks me needs to work on other areas of my life. And learn to juggle all of them equally.

I used to say that I can't do more than one thing at once. But given the circumstance and what I want, if ever I wanted to have a family and career..okay just a family let's say I have to juggle between my husband and my kids. That's already two right there.

Well I'm going to give that thought a rest. I'm now thinking of ways on how to improve myself. Acquire skill and knowledge.

But who knows?

Next thing you know I'll be posting my baby's pics up here.

God is funny that way.

THE ENLIGHTENED BOTCH

Break up day 1.5

2008-09-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

I just let out a loud scream just to let my frustrations out. My neighbours probably think I lost it.

What better way to top the realization of frustrations when I noticed that I turned my jewelry box into an ashtray. At least I have a pretty ashtray.

Pam is on the phone while doing her assignments and browsing through Friendster. It has been awhile since I went into Friendster. The last time I went in there I lost most of my contacts due to my inactivity. Well I've always been a patron of fubar and facebook anyways.

Going back to break up day 1.5, I tried to soothe my hurt by listening to John Legend on Youtube. He has never failed to cheer me up. Not until now. Not mentioning the fact that he already has a girfriend. Not like I would have any chances anyways but it helps to know that your idol is single :P.

But regardless I am happy for them. I'm not exactly jumping for joy but I'm still happy nontheless.

Had my best friend Maeghan call me all the way from the states today. We were discussing on politics, saying that the states is not yet ready to have an African American president although I would love to have Obama win. And how her friend almost vacuumed Diva (Maeghan's dog) into oblivion. Don't call the SPCA just yet. It was an honest mistake. She thought it was nature's defacataion and wanted to only help.

I miss him terribly. I am so tempted to call him and ask how he is. It hurts when the reason that you had to break up was because priorities were at stake and that you still loved each other. Nothing could suck more. I am not sourcing for any more sucky things to happen this is more than enough suckiness that I can handle.

My heart is hoping that he would call. Show that he still cared. Somehow tell me that things are still okay between us. I don't know. Still have this hope that someday we would cross paths as a couple again. Things would be different by then. In my mind I'd see us as successful and rekindling lost love and all the bladiblah that you see on romantic comedies.

I'm holding back my tears as I write this. When I see the couples around me and how they love one another I can't help but want that for me and him as well. Maybe I was too pushy and demanding.

I kept questioning his love that it turned out to be like this. Probably it's God way of punishing me because I wasn't grateful with what I had.

It would help if he had some kind of deformity. I am shallow to an extent. Unfortunately in my eyes he's devastatingly handsome. Even if he did and not that I am asking for it, I would still love him. REGARDLESS.

I have this feeling that some of my readers would think that why would I waste my time loving someone who doesn't love me back? My question would be, why would I be wasting time loving someone I don't? or rather, why should I be lying to myself since this is what I am feeling?

I still love you baby. Really. Forever & ever.

THE SAD BUT HOPEFUL BOTCH

Break up day 1

2008-09-10T07:27:00.001-07:00

Nothing like a f*cking break up to screw you in the head. What's worst or rather I say best is that I still love him.

Was sitting in the living room earlier this morning, since I had my period I had the freedom to eat and drink and smoke. I only did the 3rd one. I was reduced to smoking rollies since I was too lazy to go downstairs and get myself packets. It was so tedious that I felt like dumping the whole packet of tobacco on my carpet, roll it up and smoke that instead.

Obviously I look like a train wreck. This is the kind of train wreck that would be the by product of trains from all train companies combined.

I cried myself to sleep. Woke up. Looked in the mirror, cried some more, looked out the window, cried more. Was trying so much to comfort myself but that didn't work. I tried telling myself that okay that it was just a bad dream and I'd wake up from it. NO. It's real. The pain. REAL.

Tried to hate him but it would only lead me back to thinking about the good old times. BLACH.
And even at the attempt of hate my chest would constrict and all ability to control my emotions fail. I feel as vulnerable as a turtle that lost it's shell.

I caught myself calling his name out today a couple of times. Was too embarrassed to have my housemate hear it so I went to my room and did whatever I needed to do there. It's as if I lost all bodily functions?

Seriously at this point of time I don't need to hear that I'll get someone better and all that jazz. I just want to have the freedom to feel what I am feeling and condolences is the last thing that I want to hear. Nobody freaking died.

Just probably will think of things that I could do to occupy my time.

Love hurts. But it's the best kind of hurt in the world imaginable. Kind of like your heart being dumped in toxic acidic waste and has a blender at the bottom. And the whole process repeats itself until you decide that you're over it and want to move on.

Oh yea I want to grieve so please no comments about moving on and life goes on. I am enjoying my misery.

The irony is that this year has all been about planning people's weddings, and helping with my own niece's wedding and yet ironically I am licking my break up wounds at the same time.

I'll talk about fruity tasted rain drops, fluffy bunnies and cotton candy trees when I'm in the mood.

For now I think I'm just going to keep count of how many days, weeks months it takes for me to get over this breakup. As you can see from the title. But I'll still write about other things. I'm just giving you guys a heads up.

Dear God when will this torment ever end?

THE BITTER BOTCH

Soul therapy

2008-09-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

My soul feels that it needed some love.

So by some glorified presence from God above that I decided to say hello to my friend N. I was making a comment of how cute his daughter is and how long it has been since we have spoken.

Our stories dated back to prehistoric times of how it was like in school (primary school that is) and then asking about each other's well being. He was always a friend that I didn't talk to much but was accessible and helpful everytime I needed it.

He then gave me this link on this one imam reciting the Quran. O my goodness. My chest that felt constricted from anger suddenly loosened up and I just melted.

Literally I felt at peace after that.

There's nothing better than a good reciting to make you feel better.

My mission

2008-09-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

I know this is going to sound insane but I am going to slowly cut down poultry and meats out of my life.

Probably turn vegetarian for a while. I don't know how this is going to turn out but at least I'm doing something that I see as adventurous?

I'm not going to be so strict about it though. But I'm just probably going to have like high intakes of vegetables and fruits. NYUM!

I was inspired by Kris Carr (read my previous blog crazy sexy cancer) to love my veggies! hehe..

It'll do me and my baby good anyways since we both want to reach our ideal weight and look great like super duper mega stars! :) LOL

Jangan mare...stay tuned

WOW!!

PUTATAN! My first stranger KK visitor :)

2008-09-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hey someone from my hometown Kota Kinabalu!...lol

Macam mana juga sesat sampai sini..hehe :)

~hi~ jemput2...tiada kuih mau dikasih...puasa bah

Is it intuition or just gas?

2008-09-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

Intuition

1: quick and ready insight2 a: immediate apprehension or cognition b: knowledge or conviction gained by intuition c: the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.

Courtesy of http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=intuition

So. Have you ever had a twitch or this gnawing at your gut that something bad was going to happen but you didn't know what? I've been getting these things a lot as of lately. To top it off I've been feeling fearful. And I would hope that this is gas instead of my intuition. Sighs

The trials of Ramadhan. I feel comfort that the silver lining to this is that I can breakthrough of this fear and come to terms with whatever my gut says. I also have comfort that The Almighty is on my side.

By the way I'm just going to rule it off as just gas because at the end of the day I am the maker of my own destiny :)

Thank God I didn't put so much garlic on the chicken last night :P

PEEEeeeyewwwwwww..!

Deception

2008-09-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

So after breaking fast my friends and I decided to watch movie impromptu. Given the technology that we have, you would have thought that we could order our tickets through our phones. According to our respective applications the seats were full. Yea right. Hey IT students you need to work on the problems to debug the existing software because it's still not serving the consumers!...(BABY? LOL)

We had to queue up when we reached there but it was worth the wait.

The movie was fantastic and the twists were phenomenal. Being a film graduate I was quite skeptical because it took too long to start but I guess it was firm and logical character build up.

Mad props to the writers Mark Bomback, Jason Keller and Patrick Marber for the beautiful plot!!

Actors weren't too shabby as well. Strong cast of Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman and a couple of hot ladies :P I know the boys would love this. hehe

I would give the movie 4 out of 5 because of the great twists!

Go watch the movie! Highly recommended.

Crazy sexy Cancer

2008-09-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

Naturally I'm always bored, looking for some new thing online when I decided to go on youtube and lo and behold I saw the featured video.

Crazy Sexy Cancer.

It was really catchy because I was thinking it was some kind of porn clip that strayed into youtube but when I read the description it drew me more to watch it.

Its a documentary about Kris Carr, who is inflicted with a rare liver cancer and her "adventures" with it.

Very touching. It's a different take on how people address the disease. She's very inspirational and I adored every bit of it. I just wished that the people I loved whom I lost to cancer saw this.

I feel like a jerk for complaining about my own life. :P (Usually comes during PMS time) Just learnt that there are a lot of things in life to be happy about :)...

And if there isn't, I'll just find them! So go out there and get your own happiness!!

Nagging beyond the grave

2008-09-04T14:28:00.001-07:00

I found it funny that I felt sleepy especially the first couple of nights during this Ramadhan month I had insomnia issues. Then I drifted...

According to our religion, souls are free to roam and visit during this month.

Then in the dream I saw my late grandmother and a couple of people who have passed on and are still alive, we were all women sitting together at what seems like a village dining area, I was quite happy seeing the spread, all the food that was there was what my late grandmother was famous for. Including her soup kaki ayam (chicken feet..lol <--well this is an acquired taste so bear with me). My late aunt was saying to me "You know when are you going to get married you're getting older by the minute" I went and signalled by late grandmother to offer moral support but she also agreed with my aunt's statement. Sighs

They say it like I have a money tree and can get men off the shelf. Hey let's go Cold Storage and get us a nice piece of man. Whaddya say?

Awwww..they ran out on the John Legend look alike ones maybe we can get it at Carrefour :P

Jom! Jom!

So easy meh?

Well this is just for the sake of saying, not that I'd like the John Legend one. (Woit bulan puasa takleh menipu..kihkih)

I think I've out used the word Insyallah for this issue. =/

Like it isn't enough that we are already struggling to make it happen.

PRESSURE.

Well if it's meant for us to be together mudah2an murah la rezeki cik abang I tu leh datang meminangkan (God willing my bf has more than enough resources to come and get me!).

Aiseymen.

Don't forget my lamborghini ok baby :P

All together now! Loud and clear!

AMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My GOD BABY

2008-09-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Well it's pretty obvious with the title what I'm going to write about.

The first time Tabs told me she was going to have a baby I almost passed out! Oh my Lordie! Thank God I didn't keel over I would've hurt myself.

My first god baby ever.

Tabs told me that she's in her second trimester. 13 weeks and 1/2 to be exact.

I'm ecstatic and can't wait to meet him/her or rather, see pics. LOL

They're in the states you see so well unless I suddenly hit the jackpot job (sourcing) I doubt that I'll be going there anytime soon. But let's just hope I do.

I got to know Tabs through this website called fubar. An online bar to be exact. IF anyone is unfamiliar with it, it used to be called lost cherry then cherry tap? Still nothing? Nevermind.

To my defence, I used to frequent it when I was single and bored. Used to be addicted to it actually. hehe

Now that we're both busy with our own lives we barely get to talk let alone go fubaring, but when we do we have so much stuff to share! hehe...

Still I can't believe that she's having a baby!!

No people this does not entitle you to ask me when's my turn.

In good time. It will come. :) In a red lamborghini. LOL

Here are the pics.

BABY PIC I

BABY PIC II

GOOFY PARENTS

NORMAL PARENTS..LOL

You know I'm just kidding right? teehee.. Wish you guys all the luck in the world!! Mwuakssssssss.. I'm so happy I'm beyond words. This has made my day.

Have you seen my modjo?

2008-09-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

Not the monkey from Powerpuff Girls.

My zest. That thing that makes me magical.

I seem to have lost it. I guess abuse of modjo has finally taken its toll. My modjo has packed its bags and left for a vacation.

Bye Modjo...See you

SPEAK UP!

2008-09-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

The inspiration from this post comes from John Mayer's song Say.

Growing up, I was taught that if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. This of course didn't come from home as my parents were quite open minded about saying your mind. It was different as I entered the hell gates of primary school.

As surprising as some might find this statement, I was rather timid and awkward. I was playful though and it did what others did. Anyways, my first brush with saying sugary lies was when I was commenting on the condition of the fences at the school. It was kind of dodgy and sharp and someone could get hurt. The teacher who heard me comment said "Eh if you think you're so great go into a private school lah"

I was shocked at her remark but didn't care much because in my mind it was what I thought so what?

Then I came into university and the very same thing happened. It was one of those journalism classes (Journalism's my minor) and we had to debate about this topic on derogatory language in newspapers in the international scene. It was normal in Malaysia to find people posting ads for let's say Kadazan, 28, female but not overseas because it was considered prejudice.

It went from the ads to an American newspaper that used the word black in one of their columns. I then proceeded to say that that's not possible in this day and age because black is well in ethical terms, a BAD word. The moron(lecturer) said that it's okay because they are used to it. USED TO IT?! Gila ke apa...

My African friends and I went ballistic and argued to the extent one of my friends walked out of the class because she couldn't stand how stupid he was. Saddened by my friend's reaction "You know there is such a thing as civil rights" I blurted. He shot the look of death to me and gave me a C+ for that class. *rolls eyes*

At that point of time I didn't think I was rude and I sure as the sky is blue knew that I at least deserved a B.

Those incidents were just the few from the many that I have encountered. I'm sure that there are many out there who have experienced arguments and when they knew they were fighting a losing battle they just started to pick on you until you kept quiet. Very mature. Either that or give you the silent treatment.

Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't worry about many creative minds stunted having faced a similar plight to mine. And this is just at the micro level.

In some countries, which I am not obliged to mention, someone could get imprisoned just by speaking their mind or voicing out their anguish about the current government system.

Whatever happened to democracy and freedom of speech? It's a dead term like Latin is dead to language.

How can someone truly know the true value of his/herself without having honest feedback from others? Makes me wonder how many times I've been walking around the mall feeling I was the most gorgeous thing in sight (lol.) only to have a booger that is hanging out of my nose and no one bothers to tell me about it.

There's a thin line between honesty and animosity though. In my opinion, one can say the truth without hurting the other person's feelings if their intentions were clear enough. Even if it was hurtful tone does play an important factor. I guess that etiquette and down to earth manners also play a role in speaking the truth.

I know I'm guilty for this as well.

There's plenty of times where I let things slide between myself and others. Them saying hurtful things to me. And many of those times I wanted to fight back but hesitated. Slowly I was resenting them and I ended up torturing myself.

Am I a sucker for pain??

But I guess all those years of turmoil have gotten me to where am I today. A laser mouth chic with an attitude to match!

For as long as I can remember, after times spent on reflecting the workings that is Ari (me), I have come to terms with the fact that hey you know there will always be smart mouths as*es out there. I've just got to step up to it.

I've always like made up good comebacks in my mind during the times where I couldn't or was too blur/shocked/anguished/disappointed/etc/all of the above to retaliate. Bah!...

Anyways I've got a good collection of comebacks anyhow. My brain just needs to work faster. hehe

Food for thought.

A day in the life of a lovesick blog junkie

2008-09-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

LOVE

NOUN:

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
1. Sexual passion.
2. Sexual intercourse.
3. A love affair.

Why did the American Heritage dictionary have to come up with such a long definition?? Just call it PENYAKIT! (disease)

(Jeff Thomas is uber talented! i <3 style="font-style: italic;"> Asap la api...........embun la berderai, patah galah haluan perahu, niat dihati tak mahu bercerai...Siti MMS, kuasa Allah tuan, kuasa Allah, siapa yang tahu...

Is it raining yet?

Wonders never cease what love can do to you. It can either make or break you. Ya la...aku la tue...nak cakap pasal siapa lagi kan.

I suddenly remembered this one advice a friend gave me. If you want to know whether he loves you. TEST HIM. I'm like Huh? Test? I thought my days of tests and exams were over the moment I threw my graduation cap to the skies.

Yea at times I do wonder whether he does really love me. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to read this post yea? :P

But I guess occasional litmus tests won't hurt. It's only normal I think in the coupling world called LOVE. I think it's ridiculous that you have to make tests to see whether the person loves you or not. It's either you love him or not. VICE VERSA. Plain and simple. Why should we complicate things?

I wonder whether my new found friends Bubbly and her beau Seth face similar problems during their courtship. I just got to know them yesterday so I don't know whether they would be okay with me asking them about their love life. LOL

Worst case scenario Seth would be saying

Nak mampos ke ape? >.<

COMMERCIAL BREAK

I have these voices in my head that say "Dah dah le, jangan la merepek lagi please, engkau ni dah la tak cukup tido, bulan puasa plaks, tak habis2 memalukan umat"

"Ala ko ni, aku nak merapu suka hati aku la blog aku pe, ko gak yang nak sangat minum coffee sampai dua packet nyer kaw. Haaa..now feel my blogerificness!" would be the rhetort of the other one.

Tolong la Malaysia

BACK TO MY POST

Anyways let's return to normal mode please. The idea is to gain traffic not scare people away. :P

A friend of mine said that love causes emotional storms. I think those words are deep *phew*. My memory fails me as usual but I'll try my best to recollect it. Actually the saying was like:

My mind cannot rest for it is thinking about you constantly, my heart aches because it misses you terribly and all the distress of not having you is causing an emotional storm inside of me.

Ya rabbi. Madah ke lagi tu?

Props to the Arabs for coming up with something sweet like this :P... *Reaches for diabetes medication*

As much kutuking(make fun) as I would give it, I totally and honest to God feel like this.

And if that wasn't enough I've also caught the Gilabayangitis: root word gila bayang (kinda like the mirage affect in deserts where you see an oasis only that you see mirages of him the oasis that is he *awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*).

He tells me that every car that's of the same brand as mine (not telling you lot what I drive!) he will think it's me. (So typical of guy to think of car)

If not for praying and zikr and the fasting month, dah lama masuk Bukit Padang (sepupu dua kali kepada nenek Hospital Tanjung Rambutan :P aka insane asylum)

Lepas tu if I get memory recall like those nice moments together pandai senyum-senyum sendiri......Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

I still wonder whether after several years of loving each other these symptoms still persist?

The I can't stand being apart from you that it drives me crazy!....OR OR I can't breathe...

No Air.........No Air........... LOL

With the up most regret and I repent from making fun of love sick monkeys.

For now I am one too...

See...I even googled up a photo to prove it.

God knows who's wedding cake it is. I think it's cute because MMS and I are both born in the year of the Monkey.

I guess those who know zodiacs can identify with a Monkey's drama. Now it's double.

Hampeh

So if you guys ever wondered what it would be like to be in love. This would be a taste of the turmoil in your mind and every ounce of your being!!

I thought I'd just share :)

Misery loves company... LOL

Gian mau menulis dalam bahasa sendiri.

2008-09-02T16:40:00.001-07:00

Adui gia. Begini la bah puasa. Menyesal aku minum nescafe tadi malam. Sekarang ndak dapat tidur. Sudah la ada aktiviti ni nanti sama si Pam and Musa and probably Muna too.

Heran bin ajaib bah kenapa Abang ku yang tersayang ni ndak pandai call? Bikin kili pun ada.

Hidup ka masih tu? Mau berbuih sudah mulut aku cakap kalau ndak call, text ndak pun e-mail. Ndakkan pula tidur mati kan. Pandai juga bangun mau sungkai/sahur tu. Puasa ka tidak oh? <.<

Serba salah bah juga mau ditelefon, kalau telefon time dia sembahyang ndak ka kili tu. Mengacau lagi pula. At least kalau kau nampak miss call pandai2 la bah ko tengok online aku ada kah tidak lepas tu kasi message kan?

Ada kemudahan ndak mau diguna pula. Aku rasa macam aku ndak penting ni. =/

Baru-baru ni berdoa juga aku. Minta kalau betul la dia ni THE ONE kunun kasi panjang la bah jodoh kami sampai bila2 kan. Kalau ndak break up. Lagi bagus. No one buang masa ba pula.

Penat juga mau bercinta ni. Ndak pula aku tau macam ni. Ka aku ni sudah lama ndak bercinta aku lupa sudah how stressful it is.

Time Ramadhan ni macam2 bah aku rasa mau overhaul. Buang yang buruk ambil yang jernih, kalau terlampau buruk just buang ndak payah disimpan. Ganti ja baru. :P LOL

Kiasan ka lagi tu.....

Mengkali aku ni tripping pasal ndak cukup tidur, selera pun kurang, nangis pun selalu (ni pasal kesedaran pula tu bukan pasal dia) sampai segala2 pun penat bah. Ndak larat aku mau buat apa2 ni. Bukan pasal ndak tahan lapar, haus ka apa. Just blur bah aku apa yang mau dibuat.

Ni la bah jadi kalau rasa semberana ni. Sad juga, kan? balik2 aku pula yang call.

Biarla kalau dia betul sayang sama aku pandai la dia cari aku. Malas sudah aku mau melayan.

Hari tu aku tanya kalau dia free time harijadi dia kan. Apa konon dia bilang tu. "Eh. Aku ndak tau kalau hari tu aku free ka tidak." I'm like...Oi harijadi ko ko ndak tau ko free ka tidak (dalam hati aku: ka ko ndak mau celebrate sama aku) =/

Bantai la I don't want to wait that long to find out. Nanti aku cakap la sama dia bah kalau ko ndak tau ko free bagus kasi tau aku awal-awal so I know what to do with my time. Harijadi ko ko punya choice la ko mau buat dimana dan dengan siapa kan. Tapi kalau bukan sama aku aku tau la tu apa mau buat lepas tu.

Meluat aku.

I'll go lepak with people who think I am important enough and happy2kan diri.

I SPREAK ENGRISH! Really! I is do speak English..

2008-09-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

DIALECT

NOUN:

1.
1. A regional or social variety of a language distinguished by pronunciation, grammar, or vocabulary, especially a variety of speech differing from the standard literary language or speech pattern of the culture in which it exists: Cockney is a dialect of English.
2. A variety of language that with other varieties constitutes a single language of which no single variety is standard: the dialects of Ancient Greek.
2. The language peculiar to the members of a group, especially in an occupation; jargon: the dialect of science.
3. The manner or style of expressing oneself in language or the arts.
4. A language considered as part of a larger family of languages or a linguistic branch. Not in scientific use: Spanish and French are Romance dialects.

SLANG

NOUN:

1. A kind of language occurring chiefly in casual and playful speech, made up typically of short-lived coinages and figures of speech that are deliberately used in place of standard terms for added raciness, humor, irreverence, or other effect.
2. Language peculiar to a group; argot or jargon: thieves' slang.

I went hunting for the meanings because I was trying to distinguish the difference between slang and dialect. Lo and behold! Thanks to modern technology and the American Heritage dictionary I could pull both rabbits out of the hat.

So? Besides aimless banter and just being the WRITE-O-HOLIC that I am, I'm glad I got to know the difference and can share it with my readers. :)

One good example would be my home base. Sabah. We host a variety of dialects that root from the Malay language. With each area, there is a specific dialect.

SITUATION A

Let's say we're going to get someone a gift and we want to share the costs of the gift. (Cheap people we are..lol I'm kidding!)

In Kota Kinabalu we would say, Bah! Kongsi-kongsi (literal translation, Bah! (there is no translation for this word) Share-share.

The Jesseltonites or people from Sandakan would say Bah! Patak-patak kita. (literal translation, Bah! Share-share us)

LOL I hope I'm not losing you yet.

Next would be slang. I think this is quite easy to understand because we come across slang words all the time, don't we? At least my friends and I do.

Courtesy of slangsite.com, I've found some funny ones:

Adorkable: Adorable in a dorky sort of way. :)

In a sentence: I love the way he dances! it's so adorkable!

Airbiscuit: Foul stench emitted as by-product of digestion

Example: Better hold your nose. I've just floated an airbiscuit your way.

Many more where that came from.

FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!

I remembered back in the day when I was in uni, being a Mass Communication student it was quote "Imperative" unquote according to my lecturer, to speak proper English.

No pressure there.

We even had badges on our lecturers that say Speak English!

Can I say it again? NO PRESSURE THERE.

My uni mates and I had this habit of verbal suicide. Not only would we speak in our own dialects, we would also add in slangs as well. We had the habit of innovating was the word I would like to call it, as we went along.

In other words, we would, basically KILL THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

An example of a typical conversation would be:-

A: Eh.......where is you goin'?

B: I is having classes (mind you it was only one class but to add in spice we would pluraficy <--another slang word for plural). I is seeing you later wokay?

A: Making sure you do! I is missing you long time. Why not we go to toilet first
then prettify our faces?

B: Okay...But the hurrying (but hurry up). I know that monster will kill me if I is
come in late to class.

A: Okay.,..okay! I is hurrying...!

Disclaimer: A,B and monster are only fictional characters and any coincidences are sincerely regretted.

:P

Mind you we all came from English speaking backgrounds therefore we could play around with the language and maintain our eloquence at the same time.

Or so we thought.

One fine day, I went to see my lecturer to ask her for some tips on how to do my assignment. Here I was in my polo shirt, nicely pressed jeans, absolutely clean sneakers and cap. Preppy equaled to intelligent so I was dressed to impress. I called her on her extension with perfect English. Then she came out and I knew from the look on her face she was impressed too.

That was until I opened my mouth.

The dreaded slanguishes and dialect diarrhea started foaming in my mouth and I spurted out gibberish that shot her in horror and made her jaw drop.
Metaphorically I was sh*tting through my gab hole(mouth).

Being quite close to her (Yea so I'm a nerd :P) I cringed, expecting obscenities.But being the calm and collected person that she was.....

"Ari, do you need to re-learn your English? I'll tell Mr.X from IH (International House was where you go to learn english) to attend to you...IMMEDIATELY."

>.<

In appreciation of individuality and togetherness

2008-09-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

What I am about to say might be seen as enlightening to some and bias to others. Forgive me if I seem to be a pushover but these are just my personal thoughts so read at your on discretion.

In my endless search of spiritual, emotional and physical liberation I have found one thing that has sustained my sanity until now. My faith.

If the beautiful month of Ramadhan has blessed me with something which in the previous years it always has, and for this time, this would be it. Calmness and a sense of insaf or rather the by product for the word is wanting to repent and change for the better since there is no direct meaning for it.

One thing that I have feared, was the acceptance of the new me. Or rather the person that I was trying to hide to fit societal norms and the constraint of my social circle. A woman who wishes to wear the hijab (tudung) and yet not be able to hang out with her friends who party and socialize. When I think about it, if they cannot accept it, they are not friends to begin with.

One thing settled.

I also fear the judgmental stares of people of whom have come to know me as a bubbly, social and happening chic. Can't I be like that and still be a woman who is Muslim or rather, a practicing Muslim?

Hard to admit as well, that I am as well to be blamed for my internal conflict. I notice that I want certain things and not stick to what I want or settle. I join the drift so that I am accepted and just go for it because as my friend introduced me to the term, so as to not miss the boat. Now I feel like I'm riding a lowly sampan! In the end it has caused me personal turmoil and unfortunately affecting others in the process.

I could kick myself in the butt right now for the times when I said I wouldn't drink (Yes alcohol) and succumbed to influences. Bear in mind, I'm still holding on to the fact that it was my responsibility in the first place.

Drinking is just the tip of the iceberg. I've realized that I've done things so I would not be alone and be loved. And noticeably, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places and mental state and sucking on my own relationship.

I feel very shallow as of this moment. :( Love is easy to say but to do. It's a whole different ball game. Especially when you bring religion into the picture.

Been giving myself too much and thinking that it was the right way to give myself. Or so I thought. I sense the absence of firmness. I shall stand my ground. Alhamdulillah to He who is Most Aware.

Swimming through the cyber seas of the Internet looking for solace I have come across this verse from the Quran which states:

Sûrah ar Rum 30:22

"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colors. Verily, in that are indeed signs for those who know".

The Almighty mentioned that we are different. Signs for us as people to see that variety or rather individuality was made for a purpose.

Which leads me to this second verse, and this was the very verse that Moez Masoud extracted in his short and sweet 5 minute speech.

Sûrah al Hujurat 49. 13
"O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other.

SO THAT YOU MAY KNOW EACH OTHER.

It did not say so that you can be superior and condemn others just because of differences. Regardless of what differences it is.

These verses touch me deeply. If only we could come together despite our differences, the world would be a better place. To not be prejudiced about which one is better than the other, and be blinded by racial superiority or whatever for that matter.

This reminds me of this forum that I attended. Which one don't ask. I mentioned something about racial equality. But this man told me that it is good to be socialist at 20, but to be one at 40 one would be a fool.

The dude is entitled to his own opinion so am I.

Honestly I was infuriated at this statement. How can one not be socially oriented if you are part of the society yourself? Don't tell me that there is a possibility that we are actually surrounded by androids with heartless perceptions or rather cynical views of the world. At times I DO FEEL that this is the case. I mean society has its ills. But its for us to work on, yes? Or are we too proud to admit of our flaws that we blind ourselves with materialistic achievements and end up overlooking on building upon our emotional intelligence?

Points to ponder.

Was Prophet Muhammad pbuh not a socialist himself? Providing equal divisions to each race, colour and creed. Bilal bin Rabbah wouldn't be the one to glorify the Azan if not for this very fact? his mother was a slave (not that I am judging, just to prove my point) and still he was trusted with such a duty because of the talent that he has, not because of the colour of his skin.

I END MY CASE.